partner not helping out or am I being nagging

celligraphy

Hello long time boardsie here... Getting so very annoyed with my partner lately he is a stay at home dad , until he finds a job ... When he did work and I was a stay at home parent I had the house cleaned and dinner ready , but I'm coming home every day to messy house. Dishes piled up in the sink and then expected to cook him dinner once I'm in the door ...

I keep asking him to help out but he just doesn't listen he is a great father but I'm starting to think that's all he is

coolcat63

Expected? Then get something to eat on your way home and let him feed himself and the child.

colmdel

I don't think your asking too much here OP. I think it is expected that any stay at home parent would at least put a dinner on and give the place the once over

Big Bag of Chips

Can he cook? Was he ever any good at housework? It's understandable that you would hope to come home to dinner on, but if its not something he's ever really done or is confident doing, then he's not going to do it!

When you come home do you just put on the dinner, or do you get him to do anything?

Maybe he's just lazy. Or maybe he just hasn't a clue.

celligraphy

I suppose no he doesn't really know how to cook apart from eggs , beans and sausages but even if I came home to that once a week I would be happy... I had bought microwave dinners previously just for him but when I came home he was asking me to put them on for him

Big Bag of Chips

I think a bit of a chat is needed... Along with getting him involved in the cooking. If he's always been this way then he actually doesn't know any different. But it's easy to put on a pot of spuds and a few carrots. You could bring home a cooked chicken one day or something. Then move on to showing him how to roast a chicken himself, what time to put it on etc.

I'm a great mother, but a terrible housewife. But I'm improving!! He just needs a bit of guidance.

padd b1975

Make out a list of daily chores that need to be done and go through it item by item with him.

Big Bag of Chips

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Maybe he's just lazy. Or maybe he just hasn't a clue.

Yes, which is it OP.

I suspect it's the former ... whether or not he can cook or even clean "properly", not even doing the dishes is just not on.

By the way, it really gets my goat when you're obliged to ask someone for help over an over again and it's perceived to be "nagging".

celligraphy

Deleted User wrote:

By the way, it really gets my goat when you're obliged to ask someone for help over an over again and it's perceived to be "nagging".

Thank you !! I am seriously only asking for a hand , I just want to sit down relax not rush into cleaning and cooking once I'm home , I might order a cook book for him today ... His parents spoiled him btw

Big Bag of Chips

Don't order a cook book!! It'll never be opened.

I find with cook books and recipes there always seems to be a lot of instructions and ingredients and implements that make it look very daunting. Teach him how to cook a simple chicken dinner. Or how to boil a ham. Or do a stew, whatever.

Keep things really simple. Stuff that doesn't need much attention and watching and stirring. Once he gets confident at that move on to more detailed dishes.

But the cooking aside, before you get in the door he should be capable of a quick half hour run around to pick up and put away. Damn parents who spoil their children! It's why my 2 year old is handed the Hoover

silverharp

OP you say your partner is unemployed, is it difficult for him to get interviews etc? and or is he coping well with it? if there is a general disinterest in things it might be stress from being in this position?

celligraphy

Honestly no he's a happy guy just lazy ... Hes ok with being unemployed he has clubs he goes to regularly , he enjoys spending time with our toddler during the day

Whispered

I'm a sahp to a nearly 2 year old. My husband is so tidy and gets stressed if things are messy. We also have different standards of what is clean and what's not and different priorities.(a mopped floor with a few toys on it is clean to me, an unmopped floor with nothing on it is clean to him) I know he doesn't notice half of what is done in the house. So I guess just make sure that you both have an agreed level of clean or you'll always be annoyed with him.

To say he's a great father is brilliant. How old are your kids? I know if I'm giving my baby the full attention he craves the house tends to be upside down. However we do have a routine where he helps me do things. Maybe your husband could get the kids involved, that way he can still be fathering. Kids as soon as they can walk can "help" or at least be involved.

If he's not cleaning, cooking etc what does he do all day?

missvicky

Hi Op, Its sounding like your OH hasn't much of a clue. I'm a stay at home mum and do everything except cook the dinner( I'm not a very confident cook) so my OH does most of the cooking in the house but has absolutley no clue on how to do anything else properly. I have a very bad back so I'm not really able to do much of the heavy work and was finding that if I didn't actually do it myself it wouldn't get done at all so one day after really struggling with hoovering the stairs I wrote a list of what I need help with and it's actually working, every evening he will go to the list and see what needs to be done. I did get the usual 'shur why didn't you just ask' story but all worked out in the end. Also might I suggest a slow cooker for your OH...Someone gave me one as a gift half joking but it back fired as I'm starting to use it more and more. Find it fool proof. 😅