Dublin women and younger men

menser90

hi,
I am going out with a girl for the past 4 months, seems like a short time but things have got seriously quite quickly to the point where we have both fallen in love with each other and spend most of our time together. She is a 41 year old professional woman, from Dublin. I am a 39 year old , professional from Meath.
I recently found out that 3 years ago she had a one night stand after an international rugby game with a 26 year old rugby player - she was 39. This has freaked me out somewhat, not so much the one night stand but more so the 13 year age gap. She also had a one night thing with a guy 20 years old when she was 30 (and kept communication with him on facebook messenger over 10 years, some of it quite seedy) and has been with a few other younger men.
I am curious to get the opinion of Dublin women in particular who are out in the Dublin night scene. Is this behaviour normal? Should I be freaked out by this? Is it a common occurance on the Dublin night life scene?
Any advise , welcome.
Menser

Tilly

Dublin women? Seriously? This issue is totally on your side and not hers. She has done nothing wrong and it's you that needs to grow up and stop painting her (and Dublin women) in a bad light for nothing!

ManOfMystery

So she a few dalliances with younger men. So what? They were all adults were they not?

I can't really understand why you're 'freaked out' by this. Maybe it would be uncomfortable conversation if she was 65 and the object of her affections had been 17, but a 39yr old female and a 26yr old male is hardly a big deal, particularly if they don't look their respective ages and thought they were closer in age than they are.

Anyway, putting the age thing aside - she's with you now. The specifics of who she slept with before you are not really any of your business bar the sexual health angle, and for that age is irrelevant. Why make an issue out of nothing?

menser90

hi Tilly,
I'm not painting anyone - just wanted the opinion of people who are in similar social circle, that's all.

Taltos

The only odd thing about your query OP is that you know all the details. Her past is her past.

Her seeing a younger or older man is none of your business.
Her previous ONS's are again none of your business.
Her FB chats - seedy or otherwise (prior to your relationship) are none of your business, and it worries me more that you know the details of these chats. Beyond anything you've posted on her these 3 items, particularly the last has me convinced you aren't ready for an adult relationship yet, especially with this woman, and might instead benefit from working on your own self-esteem to the point where a potential partner's history no longer is of any interest to you beyond the certainty that they have no health issues from such dalliances.

magneticimpulse

I think your post is extremely sexist OP and stuck in 1950s ireland!!! I doubt there would be many men or women on here freaking out if they found out a guy of 39 had been with a 27 year old female. They are all adults - I think you are the inmature one here

eviltwin

Are you worried she isn't as in to you as you thought and is secretly holding out until someone better ie younger comes along?

Look a one night stand is exactly that. A one night thing. You can indulge a bit more and be a lot less fussy than you would be when looking for a long term partner. A young guy might be a bit more open to a ons than an older guy perhaps or maybe she just wanted to experience the novelty of being with a younger partner.

Whatever her reasons, assuming its not just coincidence, she's with you and you have to have more confidence in yourself and trust in her. And fwiw, I don't think this is a Dublin thing.

njs030

I don't think geography has anything to do with it, it's quite common all over the world.
Why shouldn't a single man and woman enjoy time together regardless of age? As long as it was legal, both parties consented and left happily it's "normal". Does that help?

What is worrying is that you're so judgemental of someone you claim to love, and even more so that you're sharing such graphic details when you're not able to handle them.
Perhaps what you need to do is focus less on her past and more on dealing with why this is such a big deal to you and how you can move past it.

Austria!

If I were you I'd run a mile OP. Every day. Then you'd have the stamina of a young lad and wouldn't be so insecure.

LegacyUser

Are all men in their 30s from Meath as naïve, judgemental and prone too foolish generalisations as you are OP?

See how that works?

She's done nothing wrong and the way forward on this is for you to address your apparent insecurities.

blue note

You're coming across very immature op. Probably was by she's fallen for you!

dudara

Posters - a gentle reminder to offer constructive advice to the OP. And also not to fall into the trap of making generalisations based on location.

dudara

donegaLroad

OP, when I was 20 I had a short fling with a woman who was 40. I got a kick out of it at the time... but I recently saw photos of her celebrating her 60th on Facebook a few years ago, that felt kind of sobering to be honest.

Sound Bite

Why does anyone have sex? Fun, excitement, horniness, boredom, stress release, stupidity etc. She could have done so for any number of reasons, does it really matter.


She's sleeping with you now and you either enjoy it or you don't. Everyone is entitled to a past. Would you like of she judged your prior sex life?

s15r330

A simple motto for these situations OP...What came before you has nothing to do with you.

LOLA08

I don't think the issue you have is the age gaps or the one night stands.

She also had a one night thing with a guy 20 years old when she was 30 (and kept communication with him on facebook messenger over 10 years, some of it quite seedy)

(quite seedy)

you now see her differently, that is the problem, you saw a side to her the you don't like. younger men, one night stands, seedy emails. if you are not comfortable with her past now, you never will be. plus how do you know so much about her past, did she tell you?

dudara

I've just deleted a selection of off-topic, gossipy posts. This is the not the standard expected in PI. If you are unsure, please refer to the charter.

I've already issued one on-thread warning, and this is the second. Any further off-topic, or unhelpful posts will result in immediate action.

dudara

Estrellita

menser90 wrote:

She also had a one night thing with a guy 20 years old when she was 30 (and kept communication with him on facebook messenger over 10 years, some of it quite seedy)

How do you know this? I doubt she called it seedy herself. Have you been snooping?

You sound very insecure, why do you think her dating history is relevant to the relationship you are lining up to sabotage? Her past is literally none of your business, she's entitled to one like anyone else. She was probably enjoying her freedom, and has now decided to settle down.

If this was one of your mates scoring younger girls you wouldn't bat an eyelid. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.