I have a boyfriend

Olwas2014

I am 17 years old, long story short I have a boyfriend that I meet up with often and I am male and gay. I came out to my parents but they said they don't want me dating until college. When I tried to be straight and had girlfriends my parents did not mind me dating when they thought I was straight but when I told them I'm gay it all changed. I'd love to tell them about my boyfriend but I just don't know how they would act, I don't want to be forced to break it off with my boyfriend of four months. I love my parents to bits and they took it well when I came out but this seems a tad bit homophobic. What should I do?

Thank You

Annasopra

Did they say why you shouldnt date till college?

Olwas2014

Joeytheparrot wrote:

Did they say why you shouldnt date till college?

Yes they did but I don't want to leave him just because of what my parents think. But I still think they should know

Annasopra

Olwas2014 wrote: »

Yes they did but I don't want to leave him just because of what my parents think. But I still think they should know

What did they say the reason was?

Mr.Frame

I would hazzard a guess and say the reason your parents dont want to be dating at 17 is that they want you to focus on your studies and do well.
Most parents whether their child is gay or straight think that way.

L1011

Mr.Frame wrote: »

I would hazzard a guess and say the reason your parents dont want to be dating at 17 is that they want you to focus on your studies and do well.
Most parents whether their child is gay or straight think that way.

They had no problem with girlfriends.


I suspect they have the often common, nonsense "its just a phase" idea and are hoping that suppression will work.

Olwas2014

I'm really at my witsend with them

Annasopra

Olwas2014 wrote: »

I'm really at my witsend with them

Have you tried to speak reasonably to them

Olwas2014

I'm afraid to

Ten of Swords

L1011 wrote: »

I suspect they have the often common, nonsense "its just a phase" idea and are hoping that suppression will work.

+1 to this.

Op I'm not sure what kind of help or insight you're looking for considering you are not engaging with anyone that has replied to you so far.

"Did they give a reason?"
"Yes"
"OK... what was it?"
*changes subject*

This is obviously causing you serious stress so why are you afraid to talk to them about it? You felt comfortable enough to come out to them and while this may not have been an easy conversation for them you have said they took it well so I assume they didn't react negatively or express disappointment, do you think they fully accepted what you have told them?

Bottom line is that if you don't talk about this with them then nothing will get solved and you will continue to feel like this. How could they force you to break up with your boyfriend? They could make it difficult but ultimately cannot stop you (but it's hassle you wouldn't want, I get that)

I'm curious op, your last thread in this forum was about your current boyfriend (the thread was deleted so not going to discuss that btw) so my question is this - do you think your parents would have issue with any guy you told them you were in a relationship with, or would they just have a problem with this guy?

Annasopra

Have you an Aunt or Uncle that could back you up in reasoning with them?

Olwas2014

Me and my boyfriend seem to be falling apart anyway...

antix80

Olwas2014 wrote: »

Me and my boyfriend seem to be falling apart anyway...

Don't worry. You're both young. Can't blame your parents for that!

There is something more serious going on.

Ok. First, your sexuality. It might be tempting to label your parents as homophobic so you can have something to fight, or from whom to gain approval. Maybe even projecting your own insecurities on them. So for a moment assume this is a standard coming of age thing.

Your parents have too much influence on your life. It's true of most parents who, out of misplaced fear, can't let their little darlings live their own life. "What if he does things wrong. What if he fails his exams. What if he's taken advantage of. What if he takes drugs, gets aids....."

Before you know it, their catastrophic thinking will become yours, and a lot of your energy will be consumed trying to defend yourself, justify your behaviour or simply to break free from them.

Up to 12 years old, they have done most things for you.

From then on, you develop your own values. This can be a life long journey. But chances are, you're going to be treated like a child all throughout your teens by your parents, and given the opportunity they won't stop at your teens.
At 17, you're allowed to have sex and drive a car.
At 18 you can smoke, drink, watch porn and gamble. All legally.

And your parents are terrified!

They may try to bargain with you. Make rules that seem sorta reasonable on the surface. They might try to guilt you, shame you, or control you financially... All repugnant behaviour, but which they will justify as being concerned for your well-being.

They'll say, "when you're 18 you can do what you want." It will become, " while you're studying you can't date, or drink, or stay up late". Then it becomes, "when you're living in our house you'll follow our rules". Then, "if you move out and waste your money on rent, or work a dead-end job, people will laugh at you, we won't support you, you're hurting your mother/your father is angry/you're causing us health problems."

To be honest, you seem to have your head screwed on. Do what feels right and don't try to justify your decisions to your parents. They don't know what's best for you and their interference in your development will do more harm than good.

Olwas2014

Me and my boyfriend are OK now, thank goodness. I won't tell my parents but I'm not going to stop seeing him