Should I meet him?

ELK_1992

I very recently starting talking to this guy on Tinder. I have been on Tinder for a long time now but this is the first time I actually genuinely interested in someone I have spoken to. So he is the same age as me and as it happens, is from the same similar area as me aswell. From the outset I told him I was only interested in a relationship and he is looking for the same.

He mentioned to me a few times that he wants to meet me. My problem with meeting him is that I have no body confidence. I am overweight and he has only seen pictures of me and he thinks I am very pretty! If this goes anywhere it will be my first relationship and I am also a virgin! I told him last night I was a virgin and he was really cool about it and he put me at ease about it too!

Should I meet him?

SarahMollie

My only question is if your pictures have been extremely misleading. Obviously everyone uses flattering ones of themselves, but there is a difference between flattering and just plain misleading, so only you know the truth on that score. If the pictures are reasonably accurate, then I don't see what you have to loose.

In these situations there is always the possibility (probability!?) that these things won't work out. But so what? If you don't put youself out there then you protect yourself from all hurt but you equally close yourself off from many new positive experiences - is that how you want to live your life?

Finally, take all the usual precautions when meeting someone from the internet, ie meet in a public place, tell somewhere where you're off to, and have a plan to get home. Beyond that, good luck and have fun!

ELK_1992

SarahMollie wrote: »

My only question is if your pictures have been extremely misleading. Obviously everyone uses flattering ones of themselves, but there is a difference between flattering and just plain misleading, so only you know the truth on that score. If the pictures are reasonably accurate, then I don't see what you have to loose.

In these situations there is always the possibility (probability!?) that these things won't work out. But so what? If you don't put youself out there then you protect yourself from all hurt but you equally close yourself off from many new positive experiences - is that how you want to live your life?

Finally, take all the usual precautions when meeting someone from the internet, ie meet in a public place, tell somewhere where you're off to, and have a plan to get home. Beyond that, good luck and have fun!

My pictures are not misleading but they are flattering pictures..

You make a good point SarahMollie what have I got to lose?! I think it might be worth a shot!

Yeah so I have told a few friends about him so they know if and when I do go to meet him! I haven't told my family because they would make a bigger deal of it than needed!

Thank you!!

tomwaterford

Snapchat him???

ELK_1992

tomwaterford wrote: »

Snapchat him???

We have been snapchatting

tomwaterford

ELK_1992 wrote: »

We have been snapchatting

Surly knows what Ya look like so.....I'd say go for it!!

SarahMollie

ELK_1992 wrote: »

My pictures are misleading but they are flattering pictures..

You make a good point SarahMollie what have I got to lose?! I think it might be worth a shot!

Yeah so I have told a few friends about him so they know if and when I do go to meet him! I haven't told my family because they would make a bigger deal of it than needed!

Thank you!!

Flattering is fine, everyone does that And if you're snapchatting then he knows you're filtering, because thats the fun of Snapchat.

Also, please don't build it up in your head to be more than it is until you meet him. People can fall in love with the idea of a person but the reality may or may not live up to the hype. Just keep a level head until you meet him, and then follow your instincts.

ELK_1992

tomwaterford wrote: »

Surly knows what Ya look like so.....I'd say go for it!!

Yeah he does! I just I'm just afraid..it's something I've never done before!!

December2012

Do you mean are not misleading?

ELK_1992

December2012 wrote: »

Do you mean are not misleading?

Sorry December2012 they are not misleading!!

ELK_1992

SarahMollie wrote: »

Flattering is fine, everyone does that And if you're snapchatting then he knows you're filtering, because thats the fun of Snapchat.

Also, please don't build it up in your head to be more than it is until you meet him. People can fall in love with the idea of a person but the reality may or may not live up to the hype. Just keep a level head until you meet him, and then follow your instincts.

Yeah I am just going to go with the flow! I'm just going to see what happens..

Merkin

With all due respect OP, I'd take a very casual approach to all of this if I were you. Not to be a cynical old bat but online dating is a numbers game so to be talking about relationships and your virginity without having even met the chap is jumping the gun a little. Go and enjoy yourself but don't set too much store by what's going to happen.

LegacyUser

I'm going to go against the grain here and suggest you don't meet him. I pulled a stunt like this when online dating and I could see the guy's face fall when I showed up. He stayed for the date out of politeness but he passed a comment about how I wasn't what he'd expected. It was a disaster and we both knew it.

You are also very invested in somebody you have never met. Even down to telling him something very personal about yourself. You can't know yet if you'll click, let alone become a couple. You're being naive and too trusting in my opinion.

jayp

I think you might be overthinking it and building it up way too much by chatting to the extent that you have discussed relationships and your virginity.

Arrange to meet socially at lunchtime/during the day to see if the connection is there face-to-face - have an excuse that you only have an hour or two due to an appointment later in the afternoon (it can be your getout clause if you dont feel comfortable and also takes the pressure off as its not a 'full-on' evening date.

Rekop dog

Bluebirds in the sky wrote: »

I'm going to go against the grain here and suggest you don't meet him. I pulled a stunt like this when online dating and I could see the guy's face fall when I showed up. He stayed for the date out of politeness but he passed a comment about how I wasn't what he'd expected. It was a disaster and we both knew it.

You are also very invested in somebody you have never met. Even down to telling him something very personal about yourself. You can't know yet if you'll click, let alone become a couple. You're being naive and too trusting in my opinion.

'Pulled a stunt'? From OP's replies it sounds like she's been pretty transparent and honest with him and he still wants to see her.

Definitely go for it OP, the sooner the better too. And naive is better than cynical in my view. There's obviously an ideal middle groud that you'll eventually find but won't without real life experiences.

Rubberchikken

Meet, have a good evening and don't place any more
Importance on it than a possible enjoyable evening out.
If it goes well then great. If it doesnt then just talk it up.
Best of luck

dellas1979

I think there is a difference between putting your best foot forward, wanting to show good/flattering pics of yourself than actually digitally manipulating your pics or body shape.

If you said youre a size 8 or something and was actually a size 16, thats a different story also.

You could argue people who wear (heavier) make up rarely look like their natural selves-but this seems to be accepted.

njs030

If he's seen full length pics then don't worry, he knows what you look like. If its been all face and shoulder shots and you've hidden your size he might be surprised.

Try not to be so invested though and if it doesn't go anywhere don't blame your size, most online things go nowhere. It takes a few dates to meet someone you click with.

beks101

notjustsweet wrote: »

Try not to be so invested though and if it doesn't go anywhere don't blame your size, most online things go nowhere.

Pretty much this.

You sound new to online dating and perhaps dating in general OP. I think as women we tend to project in these situations - "he didn't like me because I'm fat/ugly/not smart enough" etc, when the reality is you need something pretty special and pretty RARE - mutual chemistry - in order to develop a relationship with someone. IME 9 times out of ten, it's just not there for one or both parties.

So go along for a nice evening with a nice lad you met on Tinder, but don't expect anything and don't assume rejection means you are hideous or not up to scratch. If you're honest and upfront on your profile, your job is done really and it's up to chance and chemistry to do (or not do) the rest.

linpoo

A word of advice....feel free not to take it. Meet him by all means...if all else fails it will be a night out and something to laugh about with your friends....and sure you never know you might just get on and enjoy yourself.

What I would advise though is you work on your confidence. You say you're not very confident. People can be beautiful at any size but if your not feeling confident or happy in yourself then you will attract people to your life that mirror that. Just something time think about.

CdeC

Hi OP,

You always take a risk when meeting online. You could be model thin and he still might not click with you.
Remember he has to pass your test too so don't think this is all on your shoulders to impress.
Maybe he likes you for you. Not all men are into the same magazine stock type of girl.

Meet him and take your time. Do not rush into anything you don't want to and don't feel under pressure.

birdwatcher

OP, I'd be more worried that your potential date doesn't turn out to be the Elephant Man!!
As someone posted here earlier, not all men are into girls with Supermodel bodies.....
Why should you worry about your appearance?
You've been upfront already - don't worry about it.
You'll either hit it off, or you won't.
Go, enjoy yourself, see what happens.