Struggling with Shyness

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I have been suffering with severe shyness all my life. Throughout it all I have avoided doing most things any young person should enjoy like sports, socialising or any general activity that involved social interactions. Up until recently I was happy with this, in fact you could say I was living in my own bubble but I was quite happy in myself.

I lived like this right up until my last year in college, when you might say the shell that kept me inside began to crack a little and I felt I wanted to see more of the world and what is around me.

The thing is that when I left college and went into the working world I began to see how far behind I have become in comparison to other people my age. When at work Im listening to everything my coworkers are doing at weekends or on holidays, whether its visiting another country or going to a concert or going to a festival. It pains me to hear this (not out of jealousy) but I feel that they are normal things that a young 20 something year old should be doing and its what I would like to be doing too. Im missing out big time and have been all along. I have no real friends to do these things with and any attempt to make new friends has ended in failure and it is making me feel very frustrated mainly with myself. It also makes it awkward when I dont have anything to contribute in conversation to the group particularly when asked 'what are you doing for the weekend?' and my answer is always 'oh I'm just going back home'. It makes me feel awkward.

These feelings are making me feel that maybe Im not up to this level of living.I feel like I have fallen way to far behind everyone else. While I have improved in social situations over the years I have come to accept that Im always going to be somewhat shy. I still struggle somewhat in social situations, blush and all however I feel now that it is impacting me on settling down and holding on to a job. My old habits have come back to haunt me. I havent lived the life I should have lived and now Im struggling to catch up and live a normal enjoyable life.

If somebody could give some advice that would be great

gercoral

Hi OP! jeeeez, i completely know where you're coming from! i too was always the shy one, i have a very very small circle of friends but i enjoy my own company. maybe i have come resigned to the fact, but i dont mind being alone. (i dont have a bf either)

what i did to combat it (a little), was to go travelling. not for very long mind you, but i felt i knew myself and my mind a little better (not to sound cheesy!) and it gives you something to talk about!

also, not sure what neck of the country you are in, but have you ever searched meetup.com? you might find a social group with the same interests as yourself. i won;t lie..i joined but have never been to any meet ups, but its good to know there are facilities out there like these

but feeling like you fallen far behind..i wouldnt say that. everyone has a different lifestyle, a different path. my parents were married with a kid at my age...i am still living at home working in a job with no potential for promotion but on a good wage. it's just a stop gap.

don't feel like you "should" be doing something. do what makes you happy.

Airyfairy12

Shy person wrote: »

Hi there,

I have been suffering with severe shyness all my life. Throughout it all I have avoided doing most things any young person should enjoy like sports, socialising or any general activity that involved social interactions. Up until recently I was happy with this, in fact you could say I was living in my own bubble but I was quite happy in myself.

I lived like this right up until my last year in college, when you might say the shell that kept me inside began to crack a little and I felt I wanted to see more of the world and what is around me.

The thing is that when I left college and went into the working world I began to see how far behind I have become in comparison to other people my age. When at work Im listening to everything my coworkers are doing at weekends or on holidays, whether its visiting another country or going to a concert or going to a festival. It pains me to hear this (not out of jealousy) but I feel that they are normal things that a young 20 something year old should be doing and its what I would like to be doing too. Im missing out big time and have been all along. I have no real friends to do these things with and any attempt to make new friends has ended in failure and it is making me feel very frustrated mainly with myself. It also makes it awkward when I dont have anything to contribute in conversation to the group particularly when asked 'what are you doing for the weekend?' and my answer is always 'oh I'm just going back home'. It makes me feel awkward.

These feelings are making me feel that maybe Im not up to this level of living.I feel like I have fallen way to far behind everyone else. While I have improved in social situations over the years I have come to accept that Im always going to be somewhat shy. I still struggle somewhat in social situations, blush and all however I feel now that it is impacting me on settling down and holding on to a job. My old habits have come back to haunt me. I havent lived the life I should have lived and now Im struggling to catch up and live a normal enjoyable life.

If somebody could give some advice that would be great

I think ive seen atleast 4 posts in the last week from 20 something year olds with this problem. Its so common, you shouldnt feel ashamed. Some of us are just a bit more introverted and it doesnt mean you're boring or flawed, you just need to find your people.
I know people like youve described who are always doing fun things together and always seem to have plans, I feel like you do and wish I could be involved in those kinds of things but you cant compare yourself to other people as you dont really know what goes on with them behind close doors and ive discovered that allot of people exaggerate stories, make things sound better than they are or they leave out all the negative sides to stories so youre only getting a polished view and hearing what they want you to hear.
Theres always things that you can get involved in to meet new people, dont set out to make friends but rather friendly acquaintances and see where things lead. Arts festivals are always looking for volunteers to help out, meetup is supposed to be really good, theres some hiking groups too and also groups that look for travel buddies and things.
It can be hard to meet people when youre not very extroverted but you shouldnt stop trying. xx