Whats the right thing to do here?

doireann08

Hi All

I hope you are well. Need your advice as I am not sure what to do.

Its my birthday is a few weeks ( a milestone birthday) and a few of us are going to the Cork Jazz festival.

We all booked accommodation a few months ago and I was sharing a room in a hotel with a good friend of mine S and another friend M

S was in a car accident back at the start of August. Pretty serious, she had to get a few operations and is in a convalensce home now. She just started physio now.

I've been to visit her a few times but she's on a slow road to recovery.
Anyway she isn't well enough really to come to Cork and its best she focuses on her recovery than risking any set backs if she comes to Cork. Her doctor also advised her that she probably won't be well enough to go.Completely understandable.

S told me she wouldn't be able to make it last week. I tried to make alternative arrangements for accomodation for me and M, however everything is booked out now and we will be charged for the triple room for 2 nights regardless. We can change it to two beds but the price will still be the same. ( prices are crazy now)

I'm not working at the moment and can't really afford to pay the E160 shortfall for the accomodation. If I was still working, I would just pay the extra as I feel bad that S has gone through so much and its not really her fault she can't go.

Don't know what to do. My other friend M said that I shouldn't really be left paying S's accomodation and that S should pay .
Your thoughts on this?

mordeith

Ye should split the difference. You'd be a right pri ck to ask the money off your seriously injured friend who's already missing out on a good night out

Noo

I'll get the most obvious question out of the way.....is there anyone else who'd like to go?

Xterminator

I think that you and M should split the extra cost if possible. as you said compared to current prices, its still lower than it would be if booking today.

If you cannot afford it, what would happen of you cancel? do you have free cancelation, will you lose your deposit or will you be changed for 1st night?

Regardless i personally would not visit this problem on my sick friend.

X

pwurple

Three choices I see

- Rope in a sub for your missing pal. Is there anyone else who would be interested? It's 5 or 6 weeks away.

- Split the difference between you and the remaining friend. She may not be up for that, so if not, go for option b.

- Cancel the trip and absorb any cancellation charges.


There is no way in hell I'd ask an injured friend just out of hospital to stump up money for a trip she is not going on.

ChikiChiki

I agree with the above I would never asked an injured friend to cough up. You have a few options.

1) Take the hit on the 160 and split it with your mate.
2) Bring some one else along to fill the gap and pay the 160
3) Cancel the room if booking is refundable and find somewhere else
4) Failing option 2 fails to materialise offer the room to the 3rd person at a reduced rate as an incentive and split the difference with your friend.

Good luck.

mr_edge_to_you

Firstly I certainly wouldn't be landing the bill on my friend who had a serious accident and can't travel.

Secondly, if I was out of work I wouldnt be heading away for a weekend to celebrate my birthday.

I was made redundant a few years back and had to bail out of a few stag weekends. I knew what my priorities were at the time.

Can you juggle rooms with the remaining friends? If there's 6 of you, can you switch to 2 triple rooms etc. Seems odd that the hotel won't work with you. You don't want to cancel so it's in their interest to keep the booking.

MissFlitworth

Just imagine yourself approaching your injured friend in a convalescence home and asking them for money towards your birthday trip because it's not fair that you be left out of pocket, potentially out of her illness benefit. This music should be playing in your head as the only appropriate theme tune to such a request. Your friend M is so, so wrong.

Definitely either get someone else or cancel. Don't go adding more misery to S's week.

woodchuck

doireann08 wrote: »

Don't know what to do. My other friend M said that I shouldn't really be left paying S's accomodation and that S should pay .

S should definitely not pay. Her situation is completely understandable and it would be the height of d1ckery to ask her for the money!!

I don't really understand how it has been assumed by M that you're going to pay Ss share though? Instead of splitting the cost of the room 3 ways, it should now be split two ways (between you and M).

Katgurl

I take it S and M are not friends in their own right and that's why M suggested you shouldn't have to pay (and also putting any suggestion she pays firmly to bed).

I wouldn't aak S to pay. I would approach M and say "what will WE do about this?" Or even put it onto a group whatsapp or mail so it becomes a collective problem to be solved.

I had a similar situ last year; we had a girls holiday booked and two of the girls ended up very sick and couldn't travel. They both individually said "of course I'll still pay my share" and both times we took the convo offline and agreed "no we will share the cost".

dixiefly

Katgurl wrote: »

I take it S and M are not friends in their own right and that's why M suggested you shouldn't have to pay (and also putting any suggestion she pays firmly to bed).

I wouldn't aak S to pay. I would approach M and say "what will WE do about this?" Or even put it onto a group whatsapp or mail so it becomes a collective problem to be solved.

I had a similar situ last year; we had a girls holiday booked and two of the girls ended up very sick and couldn't travel. They both individually said "of course I'll still pay my share" and both times we took the convo offline and agreed "no we will share the cost".

I agree, ask the full group to split the difference. Something like, "we cannot get a reduction, I am certainly not going to ask S considering the circumstances. Can we all split the cost of the €160?" If it get messy then I would consider cancelling until S is in a position to come with you.

dixiefly

mr_edge_to_you wrote: »

Firstly I certainly wouldn't be landing the bill on my friend who had a serious accident and can't travel.

Secondly, if I was out of work I wouldnt be heading away for a weekend to celebrate my birthday.

I was made redundant a few years back and had to bail out of a few stag weekends. I knew what my priorities were at the time.

Can you juggle rooms with the remaining friends? If there's 6 of you, can you switch to 2 triple rooms etc. Seems odd that the hotel won't work with you. You don't want to cancel so it's in their interest to keep the booking.

I disagree, the stags are other people's gigs. There's a fair chance the others organised this for the OP considering her birthday was coming up. It could be that she isnt out much at all and this was arranged because of that.

Of course someone made redundant needs to watch the pennies but she's entitled to some social life / celebration of a milestone birthday.

mr_edge_to_you

dixiefly wrote: »

I disagree, the stags are other people's gigs. There's a fair chance the others organised this for the OP considering her birthday was coming up. It could be that she isnt out much at all and this was arranged because of that.

Of course someone made redundant needs to watch the pennies but she's entitled to some social life / celebration of a milestone birthday.

In which case I suggest that the OP asks the group to cover the shortfall (op included). €160 ÷ X will share the burden.

We're all entitled to do X and Y but if we can't afford to do X and Y then sometimes we have to change our plans.

BetsyEllen

I had to read the OP a couple of times to make sure I was correct that it was being suggested your friend in the car crash should pay.

Sweet Mother of Jesus, I cannot believe it even crossed your mind...
I hope I never have a friend like you or M!

If you now can't afford to go away for your birthday because of your 'friends' misfortune, well boohoo - you'll have to go somewhere else or go at a later date when you can afford it.

Absorb the cost between everyone going, or just between you and 'M' (though it sounds like they've pre-empted you asking them by saying 'you' shouldn't pay for your sick friend. If you can't do that, then cancel.

What you should never consider doing, and what will never be right no matter how someone else slants it at you, is expect your convalescing friend, who's been in a car crash and has had surgeries to deal with, as well as a recovery that precludes her going on your birthday celebration weekend, to pay anything at all towards something she won't be enjoying herself. She didn't blow you off so she could spend the weekend in Ibiza.

I don't know how this even becomes a question in peoples minds.

endacl

The right thing to do would be to bring back a few CDs for your injured friend if you see a band they might like.

doireann08

thanks everyone for responding . I will stick with my original instinct which was to cover the s's accommodation . Mod can you close this thread . Thanks a million

doireann08

doireann08 wrote: »

thanks everyone for responding . I will stick with my original instinct which was to cover the s's accommodation . Mod can you close this thread . Thanks a million

Up to you but not exactly fair and feels like you haven't researched the alternative possibilities.

doireann08 wrote: »

My other friend M said that I shouldn't really be left paying S's accomodation and that S should pay

Either way, she's a right charmer. :rolleyes:

Flippyfloppy

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Up to you but not exactly fair and feels like you haven't researched the alternative possibilities.



Either way, she's a right charmer. :rolleyes:

Did you look up alternatives like Airbnb to cut costs? Am I right in thinning you don't want to ask M to pay because you feel bad as the reason you're going away is its your birthday?

doireann08

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Did you look up alternatives like Airbnb to cut costs? Am I right in thinning you don't want to ask M to pay because you feel bad as the reason you're going away is its your birthday?

Yes, we have looked up airbnb's other hotels, there is nothing left. There are 10 of us, Not everyone has met S or knows S, so don't think its right that I ask them to cover for her when they don't know her we.. . I will just havwe to absorb the cost. I have also looked for accommodation for just me and M. Nothing - we will end up paying the same price for 2 people as we are now for 3 people

Flippyfloppy

doireann08 wrote: »

Yes, we have looked up airbnb's other hotels, there is nothing left. There are 10 of us, Not everyone has met S or knows S, so don't think its right that I ask them to cover for her when they don't know her we.. . I will just havwe to absorb the cost. I have also looked for accommodation for just me and M. Nothing - we will end up paying the same price for 2 people as we are now for 3 people

You've probably already tried but could the hotel change any triple rooms to family rooms that sleek four for instance? Try fit everyone in that way?

dixiefly

doireann08 wrote: »

Yes, we have looked up airbnb's other hotels, there is nothing left. There are 10 of us, Not everyone has met S or knows S, so don't think its right that I ask them to cover for her when they don't know her we.. . I will just havwe to absorb the cost. I have also looked for accommodation for just me and M. Nothing - we will end up paying the same price for 2 people as we are now for 3 people

I can see what you mean but at the very least M should split it with you.

How about if you say in the group Whatsapp or whatever that S cant come, you have tried to change her booking but will have to cough up the difference? Perhaps one of your friends will notice and suggest splitting it.

woodchuck

doireann08 wrote: »

Yes, we have looked up airbnb's other hotels, there is nothing left. There are 10 of us, Not everyone has met S or knows S, so don't think its right that I ask them to cover for her when they don't know her we.. . I will just havwe to absorb the cost. I have also looked for accommodation for just me and M. Nothing - we will end up paying the same price for 2 people as we are now for 3 people

Well do that then!! If a two person room costs the same as a three person room, book that and cancel your original booking. M will have no choice but to pay his/her HALF then (i.e. you wouldn't have to absorb the additional cost yourself, but it's being split between you two. As it well should be!).

doireann08

woodchuck wrote: »

Well do that then!! If a two person room costs the same as a three person room, book that and cancel your original booking. M will have no choice but to pay his/her HALF then (i.e. you wouldn't have to absorb the additional cost yourself, but it's being split between you two. As it well should be!).

Thanks everyone - managed to get a booking in another hotel for m and I . And we are splitting the costs