Losing Motivation in Diet

LegacyUser

So, I went on a diet before I came back to college, I had a goal weight but in my mind 9 stone was a good milestone, I said 8 stone 8 pounds was my goal weight (yes yes I know that 9 stone is perfectly healthy and weight is not the issue when it omes to being healthy, just psychologiclly that is the weight Ive idolised for nearly a decade so in my mind thats what I want to be). I managed to reach my 9 stone milestone 2 weeks ago, infact I was a little under it-8stone 12. But since coming to college Ive lost my motivation, theres always something on which includes excessive calorie intake, such as nights out (drinking), trips to the cinema (I only bring fruit but friends offer so much bad sweet and fatty foods I just cant make myself resist). I have noticed a fair bit of my self esteem is tied up in my body weight, and unless Im below that 9 stone mark I am unhappy and unconfortable in my body and not the most pleasent person to be around. When Im under that 9 stone mark I just feel better about my body and it feeds into my demeanour as opposed to the self hatered that comes with being above the 9 stone mark, and since Ive come to college I just fluctuate in weight every day over the span of a week of between 8 stone 13 and 9 stone 4. I was on track to be 8 stone 8 pounds by this stage and instead Im always fluctuating above 9 stone, and that makes me have a lot of self hatered and it makes me tired and just lethargic and not wanting to deal with people or be my optimal normally happy chirpy self.

But basically evryday nearly I tend to over eat, hate myself, tell myself to get back up on the horse again tomorrow, try to plan my food for the day, and then I go on a snack rampage just cause I can, once I get back to dieting for a few days it comes back so naturally but then someting pops up such as a night out which requires me to overeat/overconsume food/drink and I just cant get back in the swing of being on my diet, which as I said earlier, I have discovered, makes me a happier, and thus a nicer friendlier person. Im generally a very nice person outwardly but on the inside Im miserable, until I hit the wieght below 9 stone, then I was happy inside and out, but now when I am 9 stone or over I cant socialize properly anymore and just dont want to talk to people....only when Im below that weight, back on track to my goal weight.....so how, HOW do I remotivate myself, I do it every night before I sneak downstairs and then spoon the sauce out of a pasta stir in sauce jar or some such thing.....

cbyrd

Nothing requires you to eat or over eat. Do you think you are overthinking the numbers on the scales?
A handy tip before you go out is eat a small protein rich snack which will keep you full for longer and help you resist high carb snacks .
Be mindfull that the number on the scales does not give an accurate overall representation of either how you look or what your interpretation of your image is.
Muscle looks better than fat as it takes up less space. If you work out take this into consideration. I once weighed 10 st 7lbs but fitted in a penneys size 6 skinny jeans.
Mind yourself, you only have one body.

Faith

Do you use MyFitnessPal to log and track your calories every day? I find writing everything down and being visibly accountable stops me from overeating when I'm watching things.

Rekop dog

What height are you do you mind me asking?

You should always eat if you're hungry, if you're spooning sauce out of a pot late at night you're hungry. I assume like most ill-informed dieters you try basically starve yourself to lose the weight which is never the way to do it.

Eat healthy and eat often(every 2.5/3 hours) but smaller portions. With regular exercise you'll maintain a healthy weight, whatever that is for your height, could be 9 stone+ if you're tall.

meeeeh

OP, I think you have bigger problem. Being on a diet is fine, striving to be attractive size is fine but not to a point where you put yourself under constant stress. A pound or two up and down should not affect your mood so much.

One of my friends was acrobatic rock and roll dancer and had to constantly watch her weight. She said she was under so much stress every time before they had weighing at training that she gained at least a pound from overeating the previous day. I think it might help if you stayed away from weighing scales for a week and relax. Try stick to some sort of eating plan but don't constantly check your weight.

LegacyUser

Hey guys thanks for the replies,

just to answer some of your questions:
@cbyrd: I know nothing requires me to eat or overeat, Im just weak, and cant say no to yummy food :P Its a struggle to walk by all the lovely cafes on campus and not even try some of their new delicious looking pastries. When I go out its expected you drink, and I enjoy drinking/going out (once or twice a week). I dont drink calorie rich alcohol (Vodka [which is a little over 300 cals in a naggin but its the most low cal drink I am aware of] and 0 calorie mixer for me :P I try to avoid shots not cause of the alchol or money but cause of cals), I just find it difficult to resist food, especially now that Im back at college. Ahhh yes I am well aware of that, however I do not have a high muscle density, and just look chub chub chub everywhere. I know numbers do not necessarily express how you look, but in my case it does....

@Faith: I used to, however to do that you need a specific brand of food to accurately record your calories, and unfortunately I either home cook my food or eat something at college and thus do not know the true representation of my calorie intake and such now I only rarely use it to check the calories in branded foods which do not have calories on display. Some of the calorie values vary widely so I dont use it as a best match tool either. A mocha can be anywhere between 40 and 250 calories for example (I dont drink mochas btw thats just an example).

@Rekop dog: Im 5 foot 4. So the average height of a woman in Ireland. 9 stone produces a healthy BMI as does 8 stone 8 pounds. Yes I know its not healthy but the way I am trying to loose weight is by being at a calorie deficit, I have a very complex relationship with food through my family history, where pretty much everyone in my extended and everyone in my immediate family is obese and is/or has been morbidly obese whilst not actually eating huge amounts. Its sounds like such an excuse but I think its just in my genes that I need a lower calorie intake than the average person in order to be a healthy weight, and in order to loose weight I need to eat less than what I usually do.

@meeeeh: Its not the number on the scales thats making me unpleasant, I just so happen to feel fat, all squidgy and yuck and layers tucked into my torso with the fat hanging off my limbs, physically feeling pudgy inside my own body; I hate that feeling. I weigh myself when I feel that way and have found that when this happens I am over 9 stone (correlation as opposed to causation, but tbh this correlation is causation unbeknownst to me). When I feel good and look good in the mirror I become a lot happier and spritely and content, and when I weigh myself I have found that when that occurs I am under 9 stone.

Mooooo

Well done in achieving what you've achieved but in order for it to be maintained, you'll need to be able to do those things you enjoy. Don't go beating yourself up, no point in not enjoying life a bit!
You didn't mention exercise, if you are not doing any start. Simple things like starting out walking and develop in to jogging running etc or if you prefer go to the gym. Instructor will give you a programme to start out in. Once you are sweating it will help. Make it routine and make sure your diet, not a diet, is healthy and sustainable. It should be about feeling better not a number on the scales. Don't look at it everyday if you can just do so every 2 weeks or less Try not to dwell on it, just eat your healthy meals do a bit of exercise and treat yourself once or twice a week. Your in college, focus on your studies, enjoy the social life and just make the rest routine instead of dwelling on it. Be confident in yourself,

Rekop dog

MotivationLost wrote: »

@Rekop dog: Im 5 foot 4. So the average height of a woman in Ireland. 9 stone produces a healthy BMI as does 8 stone 8 pounds. Yes I know its not healthy but the way I am trying to loose weight is by being at a calorie deficit, I have a very complex relationship with food through my family history, where pretty much everyone in my extended and everyone in my immediate family is obese and is/or has been morbidly obese whilst not actually eating huge amounts. Its sounds like such an excuse but I think its just in my genes that I need a lower calorie intake than the average person in order to be a healthy weight, and in order to loose weight I need to eat less than what I usually do.

Well at its most basic having a calorie deficit is the only way to lose weight, still doesn't mean you have to starve yourself. The healthiest way to do it is to ideally do intensive weight training in the gym or some regular sport where you'll burn plenty of calories meaning you can eat enough to keep yourself full without worrying about gaining weight providing the diet is relatively clean.

The motivation will come as you'll feel far more mentally healthy and enthusiastic, instead of drained and hungry all the time trying to lose weight by not eating enough.

BarcaDen

This word 'diet' should be banned. Seriously. It leads to nothing but grief.

If you eat no more than you should and exercise regularly you will be a healthy and normal weight. Your body will find a natural equilibrium. Having arbitrary weight 'goals' is kind of insane, that is not how the human body works. You'll only cause yourself emotional and physical distress. Its not healthy to be overweight, but neither underweight.

In short - live life as you want but do it prudently.

beks101

There is so much wrong with the word "diet" and the whole mentality and culture and societal expectation that comes with it that I don't know where to start.

The neurosis, the calorie counting, the scale obsession, the magical thinking about instant weight loss, the "good" foods and "bad" foods, the ignoring of your body's natural hunger cues for the sake of some cookie-cutter one-size-fits-all "meal plan" you found online - wrong wrong wrong. WRONG. This is why you are the way you are - obsessive, fixated, depressed, irritable, erratic food habits, lacking control and enveloped in shame.

I honestly wish that nutrition and fitness and positive body image were taught in schools as a compulsory subject as what you're experiencing is so so common as to be prolific, amongst women especially. And once you're caught up in it, it's a vicious circle that can last decades, or indefinitely. I did it for decades. Starting as a teen who learned from society that being slim was more valuable than most things and then "dieted" myself right through my twenties including a brief eating disorder followed by a prolonged spell of binge eating and weight gain and shame and self-loathing that stamped my self-esteem into the floorboards.

I'm 31 now, I don't diet or engage in any behaviour that triggers the aforementioned mindset (women's magazines, diet chit-chat, banning "bad foods", "target weights") and I'm slimmer than I ever was. Because my body can finally breathe and isn't under constant attack from some faddy diet that doesn't listen to its needs. I eat chocolate most days, don't follow any strict meal plans, always order chips and roasts off the menu and exercise every day because it makes me feel like a warrior. I don't binge eat in the same compulsive fashion of old because I don't "ban" anything and I don't expect myself to hit X weight bang-on the scales because I'm not a supermodel whose livelihood depends on it. I'm a normal woman with a life beyond 8 stone and 1,200 calories a day.

My advice? Give your body and your brain a break. Forget 8 stone 8 and feeding your body less than a four year old requires because "I need less calories" which is a common bullsh1t belief shared amongst dieters. If you continue the starve-binge cycle your metabolism will bunk off on you and make it true. Dieting makes you fat in the long run.

You're a grown adult woman with a busy life and you need to start eating and living like one. Three full meals every day whether you feel like it or not, and whether you've binged that day or not. A generous dose of protein, lots of veg and a healthy source of carbohydrates. Snacks in your bag in case you get hungry throughout the day. A pack of biscuits/bar of chocolate/bag of crisps in the cupboard in case the craving takes you.

After about ten years of depriving myself, I started storing bags of funsize chocolate bars in the house because the deprivation was fuelling some pretty spectacular binges. Freaked out and gorged on them for the first few weeks. But kept doing it, despite the half stone of weight. Eventually, chocolate became less scary, less powerful over me and I stopped obsessing and started enjoying the freedom of giving a giant FCUK YOU to dieting. Found after a while I could take or leave it - it's there if I want it, but sometimes the healthier stuff prevails. Fuels the workouts more efficiently.

TLDR: Treat yourself like a human with the right to eat whatever she wants. Not a number on a weighing scale who needs to be kept in check. Policing yourself and your body will do untold damage to your health and your self-esteem if you don't make the big, long and hard effort to change NOW when you're young and these habits are less ingrained. And as long as you are policing, a binge is right around the corner.

Edited to add: My biggest regret in life? Not learning this stuff earlier. Following every diet going like some sort of brain-washed sheep and having to learn about positive body image and self worth the long and hard way. Not having the confidence and enjoyment and respect of my body that I have now until I reached my 30s. Start now.

Piglet85

+1 to everything Beks said, OP.

I too have been where you are when I was in my early 20s. I'm 30 now, and like Beks I have so much regret at the time that I wasted obsessing over numbers on a scales and some arbitrary goal that I linked to my self-worth. I know you feel like 8st 8lbs is some kind of magic number that will make you happy, but that's bull****. The only reason that will make you happy is that you've decided it's the holy grail. Change your thinking, not your body.

Seriously, it would be one thing if you were overweight, it was affecting your health, etc. You're not. And I promise you, this entire war is being waged in your head and you are the only one with the power to stop it.

MotivationLost wrote: »

I have noticed a fair bit of my self esteem is tied up in my body weight, and unless Im below that 9 stone mark I am unhappy and unconfortable in my body and not the most pleasent person to be around. When Im under that 9 stone mark I just feel better about my body and it feeds into my demeanour as opposed to the self hatered that comes with being above the 9 stone mark

This is so wrong. You need to understand that there is ZERO practical difference between you being 8st 13lbs or 9st 1lb. No-one else can tell the difference to look at you, and it doesn't change your health, your fitness, or your body shape. Seriously, it's not enough to matter in any tangible sense. So why does it cause you such a head**** to be over the 9st mark rather than under it? It's not right that your moods are so dependent upon your weight, and that such a tiny fluctuation can lead to such a massive change in how you feel about yourself.

I'd be lying if I said I no longer care about my weight. I still watch it, but I've long stopped obsessing. I beat myself up about it for years, and it's only since I stopped the ridiculous levels of self-policing that I've managed to maintain my lowest weight without any serious effort (I'm 5ft 6 and 9st 1lb - I only say this because I'm afraid if I don't, you'll think I've just given in and accepted a high weight that you deem fat). As long as you're stuck in that cycle of restricting and then bingeing, you'll continue to be miserable. Give yourself a break. Stop weighing yourself every day, stop trying to be so "good" that you snap and start being "bad" and then repeat the cycle endlessly until you feel like you're cracking up. Allow yourself to be a student, to go out, to have fun, to drink and eat like a normal person. Try to be mindful of having good meals, the occasional treat, get some excersie, and give yourself and your body a bloody break. It's the only way out of this.

Also, I am conscious that both Beks and I are in our 30s and had to go through all of this to get out the other side. I really hope you can see sense before either of us did.

milli milli

OP like the other posters I went through a food disorder in my teens and twenties and starved myself quite regularly. Looking back I despair at what I put my body through. I was always slim but body dysmorphia (I still have this to some degree unfortunately) and absolutely ridiculous, 'fat' comments from people close to me - I weighed 8 stone and 5'7" and couldn't be considered fat no matter what way you looked at it. :eek:

Anyway I realised years later how destructive this behaviour was. Now I eat what I want and I don't deprive myself of anything. I really love food and just think life is too short to be on a 'diet'. Healthy foods, moderation, treats (don't call them bad food) but the secret really is Exercise. I eat some form of chocolate every day and have a weekly takeaway but am still slim because exercise keeps things under control and also makes you feel amazing. It also does make you feel more positive about your body. I know I don't feel so good when I have wobbly bits but the right exercise can fix that.

Just be careful that this doesn't turn into an eating disorder - there are red flags in your post that point to this.
Best of luck OP.

FizzleSticks

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