eating disorder help please

LegacyUser

Hey all, just need some advice on eating disorders. I am 20 and a female.

I've been struggling a little with calories recently. I am obsessive over counting calories. I count everything and anything over 1200 a day sends me into a panic.

I moved away recently to college, and it's really gone downhill. I'm eating nothing much, when I do eat it could be a pot noodle and a nurti grain for the whole day. Or else I'll eat a large bag of crisps and then exercise because I deem 700 calories too much for the day. My diet is not only minimal but horrifically unhealthy and I generally feel awful but I can't change it. I would like to say my diet is only this way because I am lazy but deep down I know I get satisfacion from having one meal a day, I feel so happy when I am hungry.

I've done this before(prolonged calorie restricting) and didn't defacate for 3 weeks and missed a period which never normally happens. I am worried because I love my body, I love how I look thinner. I still feel big but I can see I'm more angular and I love it. I love that my ribs protrude etc. I know it is sick but I like bones.

I don't know what to do. I am no where near unhealthily thin, no one would take me seriously if I told them I am struggling to eat. I don't have anyone in my life that would care how thin I got. I've also been drinking a lot of alcohol and smoking and generally just being more careless because I don't care.

I cannot talk to my parents, they will freak out and wouldn't understand, they would give me no freedom and I am too independant to lose that part of my life. My friends won't care and I can't go to a doctor and try and convince them I've a prob, I just need someone to help me stop thinking this way and go back to enjoying food and not let it control every aspect of my life.

bp

A doctor will take you seriously, any proper doctor should. Where are you based? Please see the college doctor and councellor asap.

Rubberchikken

Hi op
Please gp to your gp or to the medical centre on campus. A doctor will listen and will want to help you deal with this.

I'm sorry you're going through this and you shouldn't go through it alone.
Take care

LegacyUser

Is there any way I can do this by myself, I'm not an open person and don't like speaking to people about my problems

dudara

OP - GPs will listen to everything in complete confidentiality. You should never ever feel uncomfortable discussing issues with your GP. I really do encourage you to find the time & strength to visit your GP.

The Bodywhys website (http://www.bodywhys.ie) offers some good resources for someone in your situation.

penovine

<SNIP>
Hi OP, first of all.. well done for taking the initiative to look for help. You have awareness and thats great. I do not want to say much here in case its inappropriate but I will reiterate what others have already advised..... please please please go to see your GP (maybe your college doctor?) and or call Bodywhys. One thing I will say though, is that regardless of one's wt - if you tell a healthcare professional what you have told us here, you will be taken v v seriously; believe me!
ED's are very very serious... the sufferer thinks that they are in control... but its the ED in the driving seat,, playing havoc with your emotional, mental and physical health. They can be fatal!
OP there is loads of great information on the Bodywhys website.. maybe have a look there... but please go to see a GP.
in the mean time, boards is here. Be good to you!!!

masterboy123

I would recommend that you arrange an appointment with your GP this week & they may refer you to a specialist if required.

Bodywhys as mentioned above is a great website and you will find alot of useful information there.

penovine

OP can I also say that isolation absolutely fuels an eating disorder.. so its understandable that it has got worse since you moved away for college.. but it will only get worse..
There is a lot of help out there for eating disorders - please do not feel that you cannot reach out! You are not alone. We are all thinking of you here.

Call me Al

lostandalone007 wrote: »

Is there any way I can do this by myself, I'm not an open person and don't like speaking to people about my problems

No there isn't. You're by yourself now with your thoughts and it's causing you serious harm.
You need a doctor. Someone who is medically trained in handling what you've correctly identified as an eating disorder.
A suggestion...Maybe write down what you're thinking and feeling to show the gp if you're find it difficult to speak with other people.
Maybe show them your initial post above.

santana75

lostandalone007 wrote: »

Is there any way I can do this by myself, I'm not an open person and don't like speaking to people about my problems

Ok heres the thing about Eating disorders..........they thrive on secrecy and shame. I know you dont want anyone to know about this and you'd like to get it sorted and forget about it without anyone ever knowing what happened. I was the exact same. And as a man with an eating disoder let me tell you the shame and secrets and wanting to sort it all by myself, was multiplied by 10000. And I did it. I recovered without telling any family members or friends. To be honest I didnt have much of a family so there was nobody really to tell, at least not family anyway. But I didnt need to do it on my own. I couldve told some people and got support because when you start to recover from the ED, some scary things happen. Like you are confronted with feelings that have been locked away in your body for a long time and to face those feelings alone is one long night of the dark soul. I had done a lot of work on myself by that stage so I was able to handle it. But looking back now I dont know how I survived and I'd be concerned for anyone going through that experience without help, it very easily could overwhelm you.
So having gone through all of this it is the best thing for you to get help. Can you recover alone? Yes, absolutely. When it comes right down to it, everyone has the power to heal within themselves. Its there, you just have to tap into it and allow it to take over and guide you. But its a very tough road and I'd recommend going to people who know what they are doing and allowing them to support you. You have the power to heal yourself but if you are not reaching out because of shame then this is not a good thing and will feed into the power that the condition has over you.

If you have health Insurance I'd recommend contacting Lois bridges in Sutton. If you dont have health insurance then for now it would be enough to find a therapist. It doesnt necessarily need to be someone who is an expert with eating disorders. You just need someone who is kind and compassionate and who you can reveal yourself to. You need to be careful with GPs though. I see people recommending going to a GP and the truth is with eating disorders, not all doctors are created equal. I know a lot about this from first hand experience and from the work I do with people who suffer from ED. Some truly awful and ignorant doctors can do more harm than good. My advice would be to call Lois bridges and have a chat with them. Even if you dont attend their facility on an in-patient basis they can guide you and give you advice about the steps you can take.
Educate yourself. I've read a lot of books on eating distress and the best hands down is Healing your hungry heart by Joanna poppinik. Everything you need to know about recovery is in that book. Its not clinical or academic. Its beautifully written and is a great map of how to escape from the hell of eating distress. But the most important thing you can do right now is eat. When you starve your body and restrict, your brain goes crazy. There was a famous study on starvation done in the 1950s called the Minesota starvation experiment and it shows how your brain goes nuts when you malnourish your body. So you are not you when you are starved. You're someone else, not your true self. A starved brain will make you think and do things that are not in keeping with who you really are. Its very simple, you get up and you eat a big breakfast. No matter what happens you do this. Then lunch, then dinner, with some snacks in between. This is non-negotiable. If you want to be free from this the number 1 thing you need to do is to feed your body and not restrict. You wont get fat, your body is an incredible machine that knows whats enough and it will always gravitate towards health. But you have to make the decision to let go of restricting and calorie counting. Counting calories is nonsense anyway, those numbers on the side of food packets........they dont reflect a foods true energy. They dont!!!!! So many people think that when something says its got 350 cals per 100g, they think that this is what they consume, but its not. Your body has a metabolic rate and everyone has a different rate that their body works at. When you eat something that has 350 cals written on the packet that figure is not-reflective of what actually goes on inside of you. So please forget counting cals, its the work of fools. Look at it this way, people ate foods long long before there were nutritional labels and they got along just fine without them. Your body is an infinite source of wisdom, if you allow it, it will guide you. But you must eat. Let go of the tight control you have over your body and let it do its job. Let go and trust it will be ok because it will. Control is at the heart of the ED and to overcome it you have to let go of that control.