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Mother in Law and cancer, how to help?

  • 09-09-2016 2:30pm
    #1
    runningbuddy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,068 ✭✭✭


    Hi folks... my mother in law was diagnosed with cancer Sept. last year. She was told this week that they are no longer continuing with treatment and it has spread to her liver. There is no more they can do.

    She lives with her husband so she is not alone. She is only 62, v.young. I just want to know what we as a family can do. She doesn't want to know how long she has left. So we have no clue either. Just feel useless and want to help. She is v.close to her young grand children (My kids). Should I tell them? They are 15, 12 and 9. Any advice would be great, thanks folks


Comments

  • #2
    Dizzyblonde
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 12,110 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dizzyblonde


    I'm sorry OP, this is a very tough time for you all. I'm no expert, but I've been through this with more than one family member. You can only take it day by day, and be guided by your mother in law herself. If she wants to talk about the cancer then do, but if she wants to ignore it and live in the moment then go along with that.
    This is a time for making memories, when the small things become the big things. Spending as much time as possible together as a family and including her in as much as she's able for.
    With regard to children, in these situations I've always found that honesty is best - maybe without being too frank with the younger one. Laying it all out at once might be too much with a nine year old, although they're old enough to know if you're hiding things from them and will realise that their grandmother isn't getting any better as time goes on. Only you and your partner know your kids though. You'll probably find that they will come up with ideas of their own about making memories, and will be comforted by being able to help and to support their grandfather too.
    A member of my husband's family recorded their loved one reading a short poem on their phone, it can be really nice just to hear someone's voice when they're no longer with us. It may not be for everyone though.
    I hope this helps a bit, you have a hard road ahead.


  • #3
    runningbuddy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,068 ✭✭✭runningbuddy


    Thank you dizzyblonde...sorry to hear you have been through it too...some good advice there...thanx X


  • #4
    CathyMoran
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,458 ✭✭✭CathyMoran


    I have always been open with mine that I had cancer, that their granny had cancer (she is no longer with us) and that a cousin of mine died from the thing that their mummy had - children are tougher than they look. I would try to see if you can get happy memories for them.


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