Pawning off costs on guests

D3V!L

Hi All, I was just wondering if this situation is common these days ? Myself and my fiancee attended a friends wedding at the weekend.

It was a civil ceremony held in a large stately country home and we were given the option of staying there if we wanted and got put in a nice double room. My fiancee was told it was booked for us and presumed it was being covered by the wedding party.

When we were leaving and saying our goodbyes we were told that we should "check out" only to be hit by a 400 euro bill for one night stay. There was no mention off any charge for the room let alone an exorbitant amount and we thought it was very unfair not mentioning this in advance as my other half is a student.

We read up on the guest house when we got home only to find out that the package they offer is for everything including the rooms which is billed in one lump sum to the wedding party and then they choose what costs they can pass onto their guests (ie friends / family)

So basically after doing the math, the attendees of the wedding paid for it :mad:

intheclouds

Why on earth would you have assumed your room was being paid for by someone else?

listermint

D3V!L wrote: »

Hi All, I was just wondering if this situation is common these days ? Myself and my fiancee attended a friends wedding at the weekend.

It was a civil ceremony held in a large stately country home and we were given the option of staying there if we wanted and got put in a nice double room. My fiancee was told it was booked for us and presumed it was being covered by the wedding party.

When we were leaving and saying our goodbyes we were told that we should "check out" only to be hit by a 400 euro bill for one night stay. There was no mention off any charge for the room let alone an exorbitant amount and we thought it was very unfair not mentioning this in advance as my other half is a student.

We read up on the guest house when we got home only to find out that the package they offer is for everything including the rooms which is billed in one lump sum to the wedding party and then they choose what costs they can pass onto their guests (ie friends / family)

So basically after doing the math, the attendees of the wedding paid for it :mad:

Eh no, are you in the direct wedding party?

if not where was the expectation the room was paid for. Did you even query this at all ??

mcgiggles

The only people that get their rooms paid for at a wedding are the bridal party/ parents. If even that. No-one pays for guests to stay at their weddings. (at least not in my experience and I've been to the guts of 12 weddings in the last 2.5 years)

I highly doubt that the price of all of the rooms is included in the wedding package? As I said bridal party maybe. These stately homes are expensive to stay in.

CIARAN_BOYLE

mcgiggles wrote: »

The only people that get their rooms paid for at a wedding are the bridal party/ parents. If even that. No-one pays for guests to stay at their weddings. (at least not in my experience and I've been to the guts of 12 weddings in the last 2.5 years)

I highly doubt that the price of all of the rooms is included in the wedding package? As I said bridal party maybe. These stately homes are expensive to stay in.

If you book for someone you may be expected to pay for them in my opinion. No one pays for guests to stay but no one books guests a room and tell them to stay there usually either.

intheclouds

CIARAN_BOYLE wrote: »

If you book for someone you may be expected to pay for them in my opinion. No one pays for guests to stay but no one books guests a room and tell them to stay there usually either.

Block booking is common although named booking is less common.

But either way, to assume someone else is paying for your room is a bit naive.

D3V!L

CIARAN_BOYLE wrote: »

If you book for someone you may be expected to pay for them in my opinion. No one pays for guests to stay but no one books guests a room and tell them to stay there usually either.

This being my point as well. The room was booked for us, there was never ever any mention of a cost being associated with it.

You dont invite someone for dinner and then at the end of the night slam a bill in front of them.

GingerLily

We're doing this, we have to rent all the accommodation and then hire a marquee seperately. We will inform our guests that there are rooms available if they wish for 50pppn, at this rate it'll be as cheap as staying away from the venue and we won't be making any profit from it.

I don't feel I'm pawning off costs.

It was wrong for them not to mention the cost as it is significant. Usually the couple subsidize the costs for those kind's of venues (stately homes etc) to ensure they get full occupation and they don't pay for empty rooms.

intheclouds

D3V!L wrote: »

This being my point as well. The room was booked for us, there was never ever any mention of a cost being associated with it.

You dont invite someone for dinner and then at the end of the night slam a bill in front of them.

Actually its quite common to be invited to a meal and then the bill to be split among the group.

It sounds like a combo of bad communication and naivety tbh.

Its hard to believe that you thought the room was being paid for, so perhaps the person who booked it thought that it was so obvious as to not require it to be stated explicitly.

However, you could have asked if it was being paid for before agreeing to the booking in your name (thats what I would have done). You could even have phoned the hotel and asked the price of the room booked in your name - if you werent to pay they would have let you know then.

endacl

D3V!L wrote: »

This being my point as well. The room was booked for us, there was never ever any mention of a cost being associated with it.

You dont invite someone for dinner and then at the end of the night slam a bill in front of them.

'We were given the option'. Was the option, in your head, 'we can book somewhere ourselves and pay for it, or we can take advantage of what we perceive to be our friends' generosity and take what we presume is a freebie'?

Pay for your room and stop whinging. Just because you think you're not wrong, and don't want to be wrong, doesn't mean you're not wrong.

irelandrover

I wouldn't expect the room to be paid for if I wasn't in the wedding party.

However I would be very pissed if what was normally a 200 euro a night room suddenly became a 400 euro a night room. What is the normal cost of the room in the hhotel?

whiskeyman

D3V!L wrote: »

It was a civil ceremony held in a large stately country home and we were given the option of staying there if we wanted and got put in a nice double room. My fiancee was told it was booked for us and presumed it was being covered by the wedding party.

In fairness, I think you need to elaborate here exactly how it was communicated regarding the accommodation arrangements.

If something was worded like 'we'd love you to stay with us to celebrate our big day'... you'd probably just wrongly assume it was paid for, and perhaps they stupidly thought you'd know also.

That's one issue.
But the issue of them making the guests 'subsidise' the other costs is bang out of order IMO.

mcgiggles

intheclouds wrote: »

CIARAN_BOYLE wrote: »

If you book for someone you may be expected to pay for them in my opinion. No one pays for guests to stay but no one books guests a room and tell them to stay there usually either.

Block booking is common although named booking is less common.

But either way, to assume someone else is paying for your room is a bit naive.

I was in a similar situation in that I was attending a wedding in a Large country house, our rooms were named bookings as there was only a certain amount of room in the house, so the people they wanted to stay in the house could. They said on a separate note in the invite that a room was booked in our name and to contact the hotel to confirm. But it didn't even enter my head to assume they were paying for it.

witchgirl26

My sister has booked all the guests rooms for her wedding but that was to ensure they were all put on the wedding rate. I don't think anyone is expecting that she is paying for all of her guests to stay. I'm a bridesmaid & I'm not even expecting my room for free. I think it is a little naive especially as you say you were given the option. Maybe they could have communicated it better but I would never expect as just a guest that my room would be paid for.

I agree the price is high on the room but that can happen with some of these places. But what are you going to do about it realistically? Tackle the bride & groom only to find out that you didn't pay for their wedding but just your room & be embarrassed? Or if you did find out it did, what would you do then? Demand your money back?

mcgiggles

On one note 400 is steep but on another it should have been checked out prior to attending the wedding..

michellie

Well you really shouldn't have expected it to be free, you should have asked about costs, who doesn't?
And the couple should have told you the costs too when they were booking it. 400 is still a huge amount for one night!! I stayed at a friends wedding in Mount Juliet on new years Eve for 2 nights and wasn't even charged that!!

michellie

I probably would ask the couple did they realise the cost per night was so expensive and why they didn't pass on the pricing details.

Both sides are at fault tbh

Miaireland

I am surprised that you expected the Bride and Groom to pay for you both tbh. It is quite common for thr Bride and Groom to block book rooms particularly if rooms are limited.

€400 seems very expensive but it was up to you to check before staying.

To be honest this is a case of assuming backfiring on you.

SusanC10

OP - what kind of venue was it ?

We were at a Wedding a few years ago. Husband was Best Man. They couple getting married hired the entire venue which was not a Hotel. There were a number of Bedrooms. We stayed in one and mostly Family / Bridal Party in the others but another couple ( friends) stayed too. The Bride & Groom covered the Cost of this as they paid one Price to hire the Venue for the weekend.

We were also offered Accommodation at a family members Wedding where they had also hired the entire Venue but we declined as it was very un-child-friendly and instead rented a house nearby for the weekend but other family members stayed with Cost again covered by Bride & Groom as it was included in the Price for the Venue hire.

Apart from this we have only ever had our Accommodation costs paid if one of us was in the Bridal Party with Hotel Weddings.

brophs

Most of the obvious stuff has been said and, personally I'd never expect someone to pay for my room anywhere I was staying, even if the way they communicated the basis of the option to stay wasn't especially clear.

But €400 seems incredibly steep for one night. Did the bride and groom choose that price or was it recommended by the venue? How many rooms in the place? If, for example, the wedding cost €8,000 (I know it's probably more, it's just an easily divisible number) and the hotel had 20 rooms available, they'd have paid for the wedding without needing to put their hands in their pockets at all, even before you consider gifts etc. That seems a bit sharp to me.

lawred2

D3V!L wrote: »

This being my point as well. The room was booked for us, there was never ever any mention of a cost being associated with it.

You dont invite someone for dinner and then at the end of the night slam a bill in front of them.

Actually that is quite common but I would have some sympathy with the situation described in the OP.

I do think that a nice heads up that should you want a room in the hotel/guest house that they were quite expensive..

€400 would get you a night (maybe even two) in most luxury hotels around Ireland and could hardly be considered the normal amount that guests would be prepared to pay for accommodation at a wedding. Most guests only hit the bed at 2am or so. Lot to pay for a few hours kip.

You were both a bit naive but the couple were rather inconsiderate.

I'd even be worried that maybe they were pulling a bit of a fast one and using such room rates to cross subsidise paying for the reception.. But maybe not. Without knowing the venue it's hard to say.

Tombo2001

michellie wrote: »

I probably would ask the couple did they realise the cost per night was so expensive and why they didn't pass on the pricing details.

Both sides are at fault tbh

To be honest, the damage is done now and I'm not sure the value in bringing it up. It could cause a lot of bad feeling.

I'd have some sympathy for OP as 400euro for one night is a lot.

However if you bring this up with the married couple, I doubt they'd react well. And then it would be the case of, well everyone else knew how come you lot couldn't figure it out.

Weddings can be tricky sometimes......some couples feel the need to splash out without asking the question "do all these people want to spend so much money on our special day". Especially these overseas weddings. Puts people in a very tricky position.

pwurple

OP, does it often happen that you are invited for weekends away with friends and they cover the bill?
Is it a thing that happens within your circle of friends usually?

We had our wedding in a place where all rooms were block booked, and we could assign a price per room per night to the guests. I think we picked 120 euro per room for doubles and 60 for singles. Covered a few, like the best man, but not every guest. When we offered the rooms to people we told them the price though. The venue handled the cash on checkout.

Bigus

In fairness it was probably the best wedding you were ever at until the bill had to be paid , everyday's a school day. But sure it was enjoyable while it lasted , be thankful for that.

Tombo2001

pwurple wrote: »

OP, does it often happen that you are invited for weekends away with friends and they cover the bill?
Is it a thing that happens within your circle of friends usually?

We had our wedding in a place where all rooms were block booked, and we could assign a price per room per night to the guests. I think we picked 120 euro per room for doubles and 60 for singles. Covered a few, like the best man, but not every guest. When we offered the rooms to people we told them the price though. The venue handled the cash on checkout.

To be fair, it is unusual that the married couple would actually reserve/ book the room on behalf of guests.....ie Sean and Maura, we've booked room 306 for you, see you on the day.

That's where the confusion came from.

OP, you must be fairly p*ssed off that all the €110 rooms went to the other guests, and the only €400 room in the entire place went to you.

lawred2

pwurple wrote: »

OP, does it often happen that you are invited for weekends away with friends and they cover the bill?
Is it a thing that happens within your circle of friends usually?

We had our wedding in a place where all rooms were block booked, and we could assign a price per room per night to the guests. I think we picked 120 euro per room for doubles and 60 for singles. Covered a few, like the best man, but not every guest. When we offered the rooms to people we told them the price though. The venue handled the cash on checkout.

Difference is that you were upfront and told all guests what the story was..

If I was told there was a room 'available' for €400 - I'd have politely declined.

cruizer101

OP can you talk to any other guests who were staying and see how it was communicated to them. I'd agree with others that it is kind of both parties fault, unusual to book a room for specific couple, normally is so many rooms reserved and couples have to book and request themselves. But you should have expected to pay, however 400 is crazy money, were all other guests charged that, what did they think of it, did they know the price before. I would be bit worried the couple were trying to pawn of the expense.

There probably isn't much you can do about it now, have you given them gift yet?, so chalk it down as an expensive lesson learned.

SusanC10

lawred2 wrote: »

If I was told there was a room 'available' for €400 - I'd have politely declined.

This !

In fairness both times we were offered Accommodation at non-Hotel Venues and the other times where Accommodation was covered as part of the Bridal Party this was specifically stated well ahead of time so that we were aware beforehand.

Turtle_

"hey, so as part of booking the wedding we had to book all the bedrooms and seeing as the rooms are booked anyway, do you guys want to stay in the venue?"

If that's how the conversation went I can see how someone could think it was covered. Myself, I'd ask how much.

But the couple had to book the rooms to get the venue, and the room rate is set by the couple, then €400 is obnoxious. Even if there are only ten rooms, that's an extra 4k they're getting from guests towards the cost of the event.

The couple really ought to have mentioned the price ahead of time, but I'm guessing they realised that very few people would fork out like that if they knew the cost ahead of time so they kept quiet. No, the OP shouldn't have assumed that the room was free, but the couple shouldn't be gouging their friends like that when they have to book the rooms anyway, and at the very least should have been upfront about the room rate.

saggycaggy

We're invited to a wedding next month and we were told that a room was reserved for us by the bride and groom. We checked the price-realised it was too dear, cancelled the booking and booked a B&B down the road for less than half the price!

Even though it was booked for us we no way thought it was being paid for us!

wandatowell

Never assume OP.

Cianmcliam

That's horrible, it puts guests in a very awkward situation. When they ring to ask if you want one of the rooms they should say upfront 'look, they are quite expensive so just to lay it out...'. People don't want to look like a skinflint bean-counter when a friend rings all excited about their upcoming wedding. 'So how much are these rooms, and will I get a VAT receipt?'.
I would not have assumed it was paid for though.

I am inlcined to think they didn't want to put people off booking or they would have to pay the costs, so took advantage of people's good will and politeness.

LynnGrace

The last wedding we attended was a family wedding and the bride checked beforehand to see how many rooms did family want held so that she could let the hotel know.
Then it was up to everyone to go ahead and book and pay for themselves. Not in a million years would anyone have assumed that rooms were being paid for.

Mollyb60

We had our wedding at a small venue. Only 15 rooms and all of them had to be taken by the wedding. I told our families that there were rooms available if they wanted them but at no point did anyone assume we would be paying for them!

But 400 per room per night is extortionate. And to think my family kicked up coz our rooms were 130 a night!
Chalk it up to experience and move on OP. Whinging about it now to the newly married couple will accomplish nothing.

D3V!L

D3V!L wrote: »

It was a civil ceremony held in a large stately country home and we were given the option of staying there if we wanted and got put in a nice double room. My fiancee was told it was booked for us and presumed it was being covered by the wedding party.

We read up on the guest house when we got home only to find out that the package they offer is for everything including the rooms which is billed in one lump sum to the wedding party and then they choose what costs they can pass onto their guests (ie friends / family)

While they shouldn't have assumed anything, I do think the OP makes a fair point.

If it was a hotel then I could see why people would assume everyone pays for their own room.

But this situation isn't like block booking a number of rooms in a hotel where the wedding is taking place ... a venue is hired in it's entirety and all paid for and it's completely the couple's choice to pass on some of the cost to their guests afterwards ... not to mention it's their choice of how much they charged their guests.

My cousin was married in a stately home which she hired in it's entirety for the wedding and as many people as possible were invited to stay the night in the house and were not charged for it by her, she was paying for the entire venue anyway.

Both sides definitely at fault here I think.

touts

D3V!L wrote: »

Hi All, I was just wondering if this situation is common these days ? Myself and my fiancee attended a friends wedding at the weekend.

It was a civil ceremony held in a large stately country home and we were given the option of staying there if we wanted and got put in a nice double room. My fiancee was told it was booked for us and presumed it was being covered by the wedding party.

When we were leaving and saying our goodbyes we were told that we should "check out" only to be hit by a 400 euro bill for one night stay. There was no mention off any charge for the room let alone an exorbitant amount and we thought it was very unfair not mentioning this in advance as my other half is a student.

We read up on the guest house when we got home only to find out that the package they offer is for everything including the rooms which is billed in one lump sum to the wedding party and then they choose what costs they can pass onto their guests (ie friends / family)

So basically after doing the math, the attendees of the wedding paid for it :mad:

Invite them to your wedding.

Put them in the presidential suite.

D3V!L

brophs wrote: »

Most of the obvious stuff has been said and, personally I'd never expect someone to pay for my room anywhere I was staying, even if the way they communicated the basis of the option to stay wasn't especially clear.

But €400 seems incredibly steep for one night. Did the bride and groom choose that price or was it recommended by the venue? How many rooms in the place? If, for example, the wedding cost €8,000 (I know it's probably more, it's just an easily divisible number) and the hotel had 20 rooms available, they'd have paid for the wedding without needing to put their hands in their pockets at all, even before you consider gifts etc. That seems a bit sharp to me.

There was 22 rooms and they choose the price.

GingerLily

I don't know how you could even suggest to give a couple a 400e room if one was a student

Really worried about my guest accommodation now

mugsymugsy

D3V!L wrote: »

There was 22 rooms and they choose the price.

If you are 100% sure then either have words with them, chalk it up to experience or ditch them. That's your options

D3V!L

mugsymugsy wrote: »

If you are 100% sure then either have words with them, chalk it up to experience or ditch them. That's your options

Yes 100% sure. Done and done.

MeatTwoVeg

In fairness, that belongs in the stinge thread.
It's a totally ****ty thing to do, gouging your friends like that.
You still should have checked the cost on advance mind.
Chalk it up to experience.

Ghetofarmulous

400 is a hole I would hate to fall into.

If a room was being booked for me I would assume I would have to pay for it. You live and learn

Neyite

I see a 22 bedroomed place that has the same pricing structure online. If its this one, then it suggests if you were to pass on the entire costs to the guests it would be between €90 -150 pp per night.

So while you might have been naive to expect a free room, your friends clearly took the piss on what they charged their friends.

This might knock Cake-Stand Bride and Groom off the top spot for Most Grabby Bridal Couple.

brophs

D3V!L wrote: »

There was 22 rooms and they choose the price.

Yeah, that seems quite slack alright. Even ignoring the communication issues, it just seems a quite cynical means of clawing back a disproportionate amount of money for the overall wedding rather than you just paying for your accommodation, which is what it is ostensibly supposed to be happening.

Bacchus

I agree with the general concensus here...

You were wrong to assume the room was paid for and were probably a bit in denial / enjoying the free ride by not checking that up before you accepted the room.

However, when you checked out you should have been facing a €150-200 bill not €400. Seeing as the bride and groom set that rate, I'd be asking them wtf is up with that and try recoup some of that money. How successful you are depends on the couple as, going back to the first point, you accepted the offer and didn't do a basic check on the cost of the room... a room the couple might have been able to "sell" to another couple.

Bacchus

Neyite wrote: »

This might knock Cake-Stand Bride and Groom off the top spot for Most Grabby Bridal Couple.

Yes, we need regular juicy updates on this one OP.

lawred2

Neyite wrote: »

This might knock Cake-Stand Bride and Groom off the top spot for Most Grabby Bridal Couple.

What's that story?

rawn

Neyite wrote:

This might knock Cake-Stand Bride and Groom off the top spot for Most Grabby Bridal Couple.

Do tell!

Bacchus

lawred2 wrote: »

What's that story?

rawn wrote: »

Do tell!

I envy you. Clear out your schedule for the day...

Cake stand mixer thread -> http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057355848

Cianmcliam

Neyite wrote: »

I see a 22 bedroomed place that has the same pricing structure online. If its this one, then it suggests if you were to pass on the entire costs to the guests it would be between €90 -150 pp per night.

So while you might have been naive to expect a free room, your friends clearly took the piss on what they charged their friends.

This might knock Cake-Stand Bride and Groom off the top spot for Most Grabby Bridal Couple.

They probably gave free rooms to the wedding party so other guests would make up the difference 'lost' on these.

D3V!L

Bacchus wrote: »

I agree with the general concensus here...

You were wrong to assume the room was paid for and were probably a bit in denial / enjoying the free ride by not checking that up before you accepted the room.

However, when you checked out you should have been facing a €150-200 bill not €400. Seeing as the bride and groom set that rate, I'd be asking them wtf is up with that and try recoup some of that money. How successful you are depends on the couple as, going back to the first point, you accepted the offer and didn't do a basic check on the cost of the room... a room the couple might have been able to "sell" to another couple.

Yes, in hindsight we were wrong to presume. There's little or no chance of recouping anything to be honest.