I have no friends

Back2work

For the last few years, I have been unable to work, but even before then, the people I worked with were just colleagues. Try as I might, nobody seems to want to stay friends with me. My siblings are busy with their own lives and don't want to socialise with me. They say I have to be independent and make my own way in life. I am 41, single. However, if any of them is in trouble or needs help and advise, I am the first person they turn to. I am a good person, but very lonely and spend most of my life at home. I don't even know where to start. Any ideas?

Jimmy Garlic

Try volunteering for something in your community that you re interested in, it is a good way to meet people. That said, most people that we call friends as we go through life are just glorified acquaintances, fair weather friends that are only interested in maintaining a relationship if it suits them.

Back2work

Jimmy Garlic wrote: »

Try volunteering for something in your community that you re interested in, it is a good way to meet people. That said, most people that we call friends as we go through life are just glorified acquaintances, fair weather friends that are only interested in maintaining a relationship if it suits them.

Thanks Jimmy, I will look in to that, its a small town, so hopefully there will be optioms

chuckles30

If it's a small town, there's bound to be some group desperate for help. They may not actively be seeking volunteers (as most groups get fed up of appeals falling on deaf ears), but most groups would only be delighted with new volunteers.

If it's a small town, it should be easy to find out what groups operate in the area. Tidy Towns, GAA/Soccer clubs, community development groups, community games are just some suggestions of the type of groups. Normally there will be one or two people who will be well known for being involved, so ask around if you don't already know someone involved.

It's not a magic solution - I've done it myself - it still takes time and you will add a lot of new acquaintances to your list, but over time, some of them may develop into friendships.

Lorzy_

I'm not sure what county you are from but you could try GirlCrew if you are on Facebook. It's a meetup and advice page for women. The Dublin page is really good.

Back2work

Back2work wrote: »

For the last few years, I have been unable to work, but even before then, the people I worked with were just colleagues. Try as I might, nobody seems to want to stay friends with me. My siblings are busy with their own lives and don't want to socialise with me. They say I have to be independent and make my own way in life. I am 41, single. However, if any of them is in trouble or needs help and advise, I am the first person they turn to. I am a good person, but very lonely and spend most of my life at home. I don't even know where to start. Any ideas?

I'd say that in your 40's its probably hard enough to find true friends. The concept does exist it seems but true friends are rare enough. Not that people are completely two faced or anything but people generally just have busy lives so their friends can end up being put to one side from time to time.

Your one true friend for most people is probably their partner. In my experience it is anyway. If I was lonely then I'd start going to the pub a bit more or going to gigs or some sort of social event where people are a bit more primed for talking to strangers. You meet the most interesting people in Irish pubs and also in college I find. Maybe college isn't an option but pubs probably are. I am recently single after being in a relationship for 7 years. I'm in my mid thirties. Thought that it would be all young people in pubs and clubs but that's not the case. The amount of people around their 30's and 40's out drinking in pubs is actually jaw dropping. There is a lot of people to meet out there but you got to get off your ass and do things that you'd normally never do. You have to kind of adopt the "Yes Man" attitude. Don't say you don't want to do this or that. Don't say you wouldn't go here or there. Just stop making excuses and go do it. You'd be surprised what will happen.

The one thing you should probably not do is what you've been doing the last 20 years. If it hasn't worked then it probably wont work. You have to just change your routine. Don't have to change who are. Just what you do.

frolic

Are you depressed? I am a foreigner who keeps to myself and had issues at the beginning of migration so I turned towards GROW. They have weekly meetings, weekends away, get together. Join an art class, language class, volunteer, join a cause. I noticed animal rights activists are so welcoming. I joined a darts team because I am lonely and prefer playing darts with someone.

Do provide an update. Your wellbeing is important and I am curious to know if the advice of myself and others help.

smacl

Maybe see if their are any meetup groups in your area that are of interest; social, book clubs, walking etc... see https://www.meetup.com/

BetsyEllen

smacl wrote: »

Maybe see if their are any meetup groups in your area that are of interest; social, book clubs, walking etc... see https://www.meetup.com/

I have to 2nd this.
I joined loads of them; ones like hiking etc don't need to be local.

I even created my own cinema group and there are now over 60 members.
An average of about 6 people come to each meetup, there are 8 of us going to this Friday's

Miaireland

If there is a local Library in your area they are often an excellent source to find out about local groups and often some local groups meet there. Keep an eye on the notice boards in local shops and see if there are any events coming up and maybe give them a shout to see if they need an hand organising things.

aholo

Back2work wrote: »

For the last few years, I have been unable to work, but even before then, the people I worked with were just colleagues. Try as I might, nobody seems to want to stay friends with me. My siblings are busy with their own lives and don't want to socialise with me. They say I have to be independent and make my own way in life. I am 41, single. However, if any of them is in trouble or needs help and advise, I am the first person they turn to. I am a good person, but very lonely and spend most of my life at home. I don't even know where to start. Any ideas?

Hi, what county are you in? Find myself in the same boat.

yeppydeppy

If there's an amateur drama group in your town that's usually a good way to meet people and it's something to do. You don't have to be on stage if you don't want to, there are plenty of other things to be done.

DoozerT6

yeppydeppy wrote: »

If there's an amateur drama group in your town that's usually a good way to meet people and it's something to do. You don't have to be on stage if you don't want to, there are plenty of other things to be done.

I would second something like this, or a choir of some sort (church/contemporary, whatever's your thing) if there's one local to you. Both involve lots of interaction with others, and possibly travel with the group if you are competing or whatever.

Big Eejit

Back2work wrote: »

For the last few years, I have been unable to work, but even before then, the people I worked with were just colleagues. Try as I might, nobody seems to want to stay friends with me. My siblings are busy with their own lives and don't want to socialise with me. They say I have to be independent and make my own way in life. I am 41, single. However, if any of them is in trouble or needs help and advise, I am the first person they turn to. I am a good person, but very lonely and spend most of my life at home. I don't even know where to start. Any ideas?

I've been there, done that. Now older at 44, still single (and male, for the record): I spent my thirties between careers, techincally unemployed (but not signing on the dole). Equally, my many siblings had been breeding and therefore busy (They're in other countries, so socialising requires travelling - which I do a few times a year). Anyway, I eventually retrained, found a new career - colleagues are mostly cool, but family guys - too busy commuting or working.

To many people, you're dead at 30 if you're not hooked up... and then they get divorced Don't worry about it too much - it'll sort itself out if you 'keep the pecker up' and participate in every communal activity you come across.

Cosmicfox

I've a relative in her 50's who took up park running on Saturday mornings.

Now she's joined all sorts of more extreme running groups and has loads of new friends.

If that's your thing it's worth a go