26, still living at home. Is this weird?

roro1990

Just looking for some perspectives or input on this. So as per the title, I still live in the home I grew up in. I've been searching for reasons lately as to why I'm feeling unhappy with myself and feeling isolated, and I've started to recognise living at home as an issue. I need to find my own two feet in the world. I'm probably five years behind 90% of other people ages 26 in terms of social development because I still live here.

I'm from a really small family, and I'm only close to my mother, my dad and my granny. My gran is really sick at the moment and my mother moved to her house to live with her. So part of my reason for being here is to keep my dad company. He's mad lonely and gets quite depressed.

Also, I'm still trying to find my place in life. I travel often and work as a freelancer, so my money goes on that. When I returned home from my last trip, I enquired about renting, but most landlords told me they'd need to see formal employment proof, which is awkward seeing as that doesn't exist. I could probably just about afford renting a place, and I really mean by the skin of my teeth. Work is inconsistent -- I could have loads one week and bugger all for 3 or 4 weeks.

This is all a symptom of a wider desire not to settle down yet. Being honest, I don't even know if I want to live in Ireland long-term. My travels have taught me that the world is a big, exciting place, and I've some bad memories of loneliness and isolation in Dublin. I'm still trying to figure **** out I guess, but I'm starting to get worried.

Some friends are engaged, some are moving in over Christmas. I'm still here like "no, I don't really want that". I'm just wondering is it completely abnormal to live at home at this age? Can living with parents hamper social development and increase feelings of isolation? Or is it ok to not have **** figured out yet? Thanks for any advice.

freshpopcorn

Your question is sort of hard to answer because life isn't one size fits all.

Of course people can go on and have happy lives living at home and for others it doesn't work and they need to move out.

People can have social development issues if they live at home or their living away from home.

What you've essentially to do is do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't effect anybody else.

leggo

Your feelings are all pretty natural for where you're at in life, so I'd suggest just listening to them. If you find yourself unhappy about one aspect, change it. As for your father, you can't be a crutch for him, that's not fair on you to have to give up your life to keep him from being lonely. For example, you don't need to sleep under the same roof to keep him company. And also you're kind of enabling his loneliness in a way by being a constant presence, which in turn will stop him from pushing himself to a place where he makes himself happy.

Talk to your mother about all of this, remember that it's fair of you to want a life for yourself, and hopefully you can all figure out a workable solution.

silverharp

at the end of the day part of being an adult is paying your way in life. I know a couple of people that stayed at home quite late but they had good jobs and had bought property to rent out. Unless you have saved your rent money for the last couple of years then what you are working at isnt viable in Ireland, if its viable somewhere else go there or else try to find something more viable here. Assuming you went to college have you worked in that field ? if your CV is a bit all over the place maybe consider doing some professional exams or course where you can work as well.

StillThinking

roro1990 wrote:

Just looking for some perspectives or input on this. So as per the title, I still live in the home I grew up in. I've been searching for reasons lately as to why I'm feeling unhappy with myself and feeling isolated, and I've started to recognise living at home as an issue. I need to find my own two feet in the world. I'm probably five years behind 90% of other people ages 26 in terms of social development because I still live here.

Are you sure your unhappiness is from living at home? I fell into that trap before, if I can just get out of here I'll be happy. It didn't work for me and I realised I couldn't move from my unhappiness. Not saying this is the case with you but just don't want you to make the same mistakes as me.
As for being behind 90% of other people don't worry about that, you're only seeing what they want you to see, they're probably thinking you have your life sorted with your travelling and being able to come home to a loving home.

LegacyUser

Nothing weird or abnormal about it, so long as you're doing it for the right reasons and personally I think your reasons are perfectly understandable. My reading is that your work is a greater issue though and a regular income, from better managed freelancing/self-employment, or a regular job, might give you more options if you choose to rent somewhere else and sticking to the current work situation is holding you back. You might find too that regular income but still being at home works for you, might allow you to serve your family needs but feel less trapped knowing that you can rent or travel or whatever as things might change at home.

December2012

Have you got a friend you can move in with?

Do you socialise?

gifted

Mid 30s when I moved out of home and looking back I wished I moved out earlier.....just for independence, inviting friends round for dinner etc.....Parents probably wished I moved out as well so they could get some privacy back.

gline

From what i've seen, there are some things you cant learn by living at home. Independance and personal responsibility (for your whole life) are just 2 of them. Though that is hightened by parents that do everything for the child while living at home. A parents job is to prepare their children to live independantly and out of their lives.

It is unfair for your father to use you as company, because he is lonely. He needs to find his own solution to that e.g. friends or hobbies/activities, things to keep him occupied

BarcaDen

To be honest you can't be a full, self actualising individual if you're living in your parents place. You need independence or you'll never truly know yourself. Its pyschologically stunting to have this 'in the womb' experience in your mid 20s.

Stop making excuses and be an adult. I suspect one of your problems is that nobody has ever shown you tough love. I have a few cousins etc. like this in their 30s and 40s and they seem sad, unambitious and kinda pitiful. Take control of your life OP, you only get one chance at it.

Charizard

BarcaDen wrote: »

To be honest you can't be a full, self actualising individual if you're living in your parents place. You need independence or you'll never truly know yourself. Its pyschologically stunting to have this 'in the womb' experience in your mid 20s.

Stop making excuses and be an adult. I suspect one of your problems is that nobody has ever shown you tough love. I have a few cousins etc. like this in their 30s and 40s and they seem sad, unambitious and kinda pitiful. Take control of your life OP, you only get one chance at it.

I have a few friends in the same situation as your cousins and they life a real stunted life. Which is a shame as they have a lot of potential. But they are so soft and will never leave the house. One had a girlfriend to 22 but since then hasnt even kissed a girl thats 5 years ago :mad:

amtc

I didn't leave home until I was 31. It worked for me as it was 3 adults. My parents both worked long hours. I worked a lot away and had a boyfriend that I stayed with weekends. We very rarely saw each other. To this day I have best conversation with parents on the phone. Worked for me. Very happily live on my own now.

FizzleSticks

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The Young Wan

I think it's only weird if you think it's weird, it's all based on situation. There are some your age living at home and loving life (case in point- my ex is 27, lives at home, and has absolutely no desire to leave) some who can't wait to flee. It all depends on how you feel about it.

silverbolt

I live alone and ahve my own house, there are times all i do is go to work, come home and rinse and repeat - staring at four walls slowly going demented with cabin fever because i live in a piss pot town with nout to do that stimulates.

OP - do what makes you happy. Your life is not everyone elses. If you feel you will be happier moving out then do so but dont do it because everyone else tell you you should.