Co-workers taking a liking to me

LegacyUser

This is not really a problem as such, more that it's an awkward everyday thing. I'm a 30 year old man working in a relatively small office. There are 10 women that I work with and it turns out that 2 of them really like me. Some might say "oh that doesn't sound like a problem" but the thing is that I have zero interest in them, mostly because I'm gay!

They don't know this, in fact no one in the office knows. I'm not in the closet per se, just that I like to keep my work and personal life separate.

So these 2 women have actually told me that they like me. I've had to tell them both that I'm not interested as politely as possible. They were both embarrassed and I felt like a muppet having to tell them.

I'm still really friendly with them, and this might be the crux of the issue. Should I try to minimise contact with them, both in and out of work? We'd have chats during the work day, friends on Facebook, message each other the odd time, all innocent behaviour from me of course. I'm just worried that they will get the wrong idea again.

I know this could be easily avoided if I told them the truth, but I don't see how my sexual preference is relevant when they I've already told them that I'm not interested.

What should I do?

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notaproblem wrote: »

This is not really a problem as such, more that it's an awkward everyday thing. I'm a 30 year old man working in a relatively small office. There are 10 women that I work with and it turns out that 2 of them really like me. Some might say "oh that doesn't sound like a problem" but the thing is that I have zero interest in them, mostly because I'm gay!

They don't know this, in fact no one in the office knows. I'm not in the closet per se, just that I like to keep my work and personal life separate.

So these 2 women have actually told me that they like me. I've had to tell them both that I'm not interested as politely as possible. They were both embarrassed and I felt like a muppet having to tell them.

I'm still really friendly with them, and this might be the crux of the issue. Should I try to minimise contact with them, both in and out of work? We'd have chats during the work day, friends on Facebook, message each other the odd time, all innocent behaviour from me of course. I'm just worried that they will get the wrong idea again.

I know this could be easily avoided if I told them the truth, but I don't see how my sexual preference is relevant when they I've already told them that I'm not interested.

What should I do?

The bits in bold are were you're having the problem. THe two statements are at odds with each other.
Cutting out work conversations would be odd but if you want to keep personal/work life separate, then you need to actually do it.They'll be able to see your timeline which would let them know the score easier.

leggo

Yeah there's a lot of contradiction going on here. Your anon username for a start is 'notaproblem' and you're posting a problem. You could easily spare their feelings by telling them the truth and, as the above post points out, you say you keep work and personal life separate yet clearly don't.

I'm not saying you need to tell them you're gay by any means, that's entirely your business, but there's a bit of denial going on here that you might want to examine for your own sake. If you're not ashamed at all (and of course you shouldn't be), why wouldn't you spare their feelings by giving them the real answer? This is one of those issues that isn't really about the issue presented I think. Just keep asking yourself why you're handling it the way you are and you'll get to the bottom of this I feel. Of course you can also do that here if you like and maybe we can help you do so.

baby and crumble

I'm just going to be honest here and state that I think you might be worried about backlash if you are open about your sexuality. Letting people know you're gay isn't unprofessional, it's not bringing your personal life into work, it's just being authentic. Straight people don't get told off for talking about things that identify them as straight, why should we as gay people?

And if you're connected with them on Facebook, chatting online and getting to the point where they feel like asking you out is an option then you're already way past keeping your work and professional life separate.

It doesn't need to be a big announcement either.

"What did you do at the weekend?"
"Oh I had a date, he was cute but I don't think it's going to go any further".

Boom. Done.