Worried about making friends in college

jadesylph

I just got my Leaving Cert results yesterday and I'm most likely going to be starting arts in UCD in a few weeks time. I really really want to make new friends in college - I found secondary school very lonely as I'm fairly shy and I've left school with hardly any friends because all my old groups have fallen apart. I'm going to be commuting to college from Swords and I've heard that it can be hard to make friends in UCD arts, so I'm worried that'll affect my social life. I really don't want college to turn out the same way secondary school did in the end! Did anyone else have this kind of situation going into college? I'm really nervous to start because of this and I don't want to end up on my own for the next few years.

CINCLANTFLT

Relax... you'll just get talking to people and make friends from there... go to a class party or two... join a society etc.
Remember that whole you may be coming in from Swords, there'll be other people moving up from the country who are leaving all their friends behind... these will be your friends now!

Rekop dog

I commuted from a working class Dublin suburb when I went to UCD knowing very few people there as not many from my school qualified. The big lecture halls can be daunting at first but just throw yourself into a few societies of interest and basically put yourself out there as much as possible. Your introverted tendencies will prob make you feel awkward at first but just battle through it and I assure you you'll love it. I suggest drama soc might be good for getting you out of your shell.

Big Bag of Chips

You might be surprised to find out how many people have the exact same fear as you today! People in college are just people. It's a bit different to school in that, in general people have a bit more cop on. The people you were in secondary school with were people you met at 12 or 13. Opinions and friendships can be formed at that age that can be difficult to break.

You are starting college now with adults. Some might still be a bit cliquey but the majority will be like you. Know nobody, and hoping SOMEBODY smiles at them and sits beside them. First few days are induction days where you will be split into "getting to know you groups". Everyone in your group will be in the same situation, new and nervous!

Also, don't just stick to your class and depend on them for friendships. There are loads of clubs and societies you can join. There will be a Clubs and Societies Day where you can sign up to different clubs. I urge you to sign up to at least a couple. And even though you're shy, push yourself a little to put yourself forward. It's not too difficult to say "Hi" and smile at someone. You certainly will not be the only person on their own in your year. Nobody knows you. Nobody knows your past in school. This is a new start. Day 1.

Ursus Horribilis

Congratulations on getting a college place. It's going to be a big change for you but you'll love it once you settle. It is daunting to move from familiar faces and comfortable surroundings to an impersonal campus and large classes. But it's something that you'll get to grips with and you'll be fine.

When you start in UCD, don't forget that just about every other person in your year will be in the very same boat as you are. Even the people who had more friends than you in secondary school. Starting a college course is like a blank slate. Who you were friends with in secondary school and where you went to school will soon become utterly irrelevant. So don't beat yourself up over what happened before.

What you're going to have to do is make the effort to talk to everyone you possibly can. Yes I know that sounds horrific but it's easier than it sounds. When I started at university I was pretty shy and not at all confident. But I also knew that I had to make the effort to find some friendly faces. So I started striking up conversations with my classmates any time I got a chance. Within reason of course - I stopped short of chatting to people in the toilets The thing is, everyone in your year will also be eager to find some friendly faces too. They too will be leaving their friends behind and will be looking for someone to chat to. Most people will be more than happy to chat. So strike up conversations with people outside lecture theatres as you wait to go in. In classes before they begin. At the bus stop - you'll soon start seeing the same faces day after day. Tutorials, practicals etc.. Also, if you can at all, sign yourself up for some extra-curricular activity one evening a week. Something where you'll have reason to meet people week after week. What I found when I started college was that once I made a couple of friends, I started getting to know their friends and the circle grew from there.

I didn't go to UCD so I can't comment on how easy or hard it is to make friends. But what I've found throughout my life is that if you make the effort to talk to people, most of them will be nice to you. Sure, you'll meet ones who aren't so friendly or have the personality of a wet dish rag. But if you don't make the effort, nobody's going to come running after you.

Sound Bite

Don't worry op.

I found making friends in college far easier than in secondary school.

For starters, there will be so many people in the same situation as you.
Don't sit alone in lecturers -sit beside someone else who is alone -it's easier start a one on one conversation than a large group
People doing the same course are more likely to have the same interests as you too
Join clubs and societies too

My best friends now I met in college whereas I am in contact with very few from secondary school and would consider them acquaintances at best.

I didn't particularly like school-it was fine but nothing more whereas I loved college. I know a lot of people who would say the same.

z6vm1dobfnca3x

First of all congratulations!

My advice to you is to relax, first of all. And second of all, don't try overly hard to make to make new friends.

The beauty of college is meeting like-minded people who are looking to make new friends also. It might take a couple of weeks, but you will soon find a group of friends who are just like yourself!

But above all, be friendly to everyone you meet. And don't judge anybody too quickly. Everyone's in the same boat, so just chill out and enjoy the ride

jadesylph

Thank you so much for the congratulations and advice everyone! I'll definitely consider joining the drama soc once I get there - I was into performing a couple years ago and I think that helped curb my shyness somewhat. I feel a lot more relaxed about all of this now!

Surreptitious

Well done!! You'll love the course

pheasant tail

Ya got some good advice there OP. I'm not too long finished in UCD, I moved up from the country knowing very few people in Dublin let alone the college itself so I know how you feel. As the others mentioned, make a good effort the first few weeks and join any societies that your interested in, there be lots of other people in the same situation as yourself. And in terms of getting to know people, go to all your classes and lectures even when you don't have too, arts have lots of small sized tutorial groups which are great for getting chatting,that was my biggest regret in first year. All the best

mailforkev

You're better off going in knowing nobody. It means you're free to make new friends and don't get stuck in an old school based group (UCD has plenty of those folks).

Also, remember that the people in your course are there because they want to be, something you will already have in common with them from day one.

z6vm1dobfnca3x

mailforkev wrote: »

You're better off going in knowing nobody. It means you're free to make new friends and don't get stuck in an old school based group (UCD has plenty of those folks).

I was one of those folks... And it did not end well.

Resulted in most of us dropping out and moving away for university!

Paddy Cow

You'll be fine op and you'll probably be pleasantly surprised to find that in the first few days many people will just start talking to you. Everyone is nervous and you'll find your feet. Joining the drama society is a great idea. Good luck and enjoy the experience.