So fed up and worried about social life and future in general

LegacyUser

Writing this because I have finally had enough of the rut i am stuck in and my isolation and want to get it all off my chest

I am just finished my 2nd year of my BA in college, and I think i have been through one of the worst periods in my life. I live with my older sibling and mother, whom I get on fine with, Im on track to earning a good degree and our financial situation is good. But I have been getting very upset recently thinking about my life compared to my peers and my prospects for the future. I live a fair bit away from my college and am in a very big course.Coupled with this I believe that i suffer from social anxiety, which has meant that I have not made any friends in my two years, expect for one of my old friends from secondary school. Outside of college, I have some friends from secondary. We still meet up every week to play five a side football or sometimes other things. This summer however because of work,and people travelling etc., we have meet up twice since June. I've become even more withdrawn, as I rarely if ever talk to these people not in person.My anxiety means that I am extremely self conscious and struggle often when trying to hold a conversation,even online. I feel extremely lonely and envious of some of friends,especially anyone I know who has a partner. I have never really approached a girl romantically, due obviously to my anxiety and also to the fact that I am overweight and have bad gynecomastia. My self esteem seems to have become especially bad though these past years. My life was much better in secondary school, as I mainted regular contact with my friends, and I enjoyed going to parties and other events where at least I knew everybody.

On top of this I am also v.anxious about what I am going to do after college. I have not a had a paying job during college as I am very absorbed in the courses I am studying,nor during the summers for various reasons. I feel my CV is very poor, As i was poor at and uninterested in sports until recently, and my anxiety meant i did not get involved in many extracurricular things when I was younger.I also feel my chances of getting work say in retailing or in hotels,restaurants etc. would be hampered as i would not be comfortable looking for work unless i knew they were actively hiring.My job prospects with my degree(History and another arts subject) I feel are very poor and I have no idea weather i should go for graduate course immediately after i graduate or try to find work and develop some confidence and skills, especially with working with other people.I feel at times as though I have done a "useless" degree, choosing my course because I was v.interested in history, and not doing say, a course in IT or a STEM subject.

I've decided to take some kind of steps to rectify this, applying to work with a local charity and am interested in going to a meet up group for people suffering from SA or maybe some of the other meet ups. I'm still terrified and I tend to procrastinate when starting new things, and I feel like I would be wasting my time trying to develop myself,and that people are very interested in getting to know me. Should I go for more opportunities like these or should I attempt to seek professional treatment like CBT? I honestly do not know what to do with myself these days.

LLMMLL

Have you thought about academics/history/phd as a further career option? That is if you still love history (you really need to LOVE a topic to do a phd in it).

Alternatively, postgrads in something a bit more employable shouldn't be too hard
To get into such as the comp sci area.

I also think it would be a good idea to address your body issues. It's one thing you can make a significant change to in a relatively short time. If you have the cash look for a personal trainer (shop around to find one with a track record of getting the results you want) and go see a GP about your gyno.

castaway_lady

You seem to have a lot of time on your hands to think and overthink at the moment. At your age realise that you dont have to have it all figured out or have done it all and a lot of it falls into place and figures itself out in time.

Your cv isnt something to panic about now it's something to keep working on. Dont beat yourself up for taking a degree you're interested in, just do your best with it. You may very well need to consider a specific postgrad route history or non history related, no harm in reading up on those now and getting a list of options of interest together.Maybe go to career guidance in college once you get back there. Work experience in the likes of a pub or restaurant may benefit you too, even if it's not a financial need, it'd be work experience and social exposure. Maybe next summer you could look into getting a tour guiding type job and use your history knowledge while developing more social skills while getting work experience.

The main thing is to do somethings- however small- as oppose to nothing. Inertia is a tough mindset.