what do I do in this situation

sashafierce

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bp

Cannot you stay in a hostel near by? They probably need a friend...

Big Bag of Chips

What do you want to do?

Do you want to go and stay with your other friend?

Do you just want to not go?

It's very simple really. Do what YOU want to do. If you don't want to go make your excuses to your friend and tell her you'll arrange a visit another time when things are less busy with her grandad. She might sulk, but she'll get over it. Surely if her grandad is that sick she has more stuff to be worrying about at the minute.

ahnow

Maybe you could tell her you just cant afford it, and arrange for a more convenient time for you to come over. It's unreasonable for her to expect you to come over and pay extra accommodation if that wasn't the plan all along.

sashafierce

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ahnow

If you cant afford it you cant afford it, and if she's not even talking to you it sounds like it would be a miserable weekend. No one reasonable would throw a huff over something like this. Accommodation-even in hostels in the UK are pricey. All you can do is apologise and explain again that you cant afford it.

Alternatively you could stay with your friend in the other end of the country and ask your friend you were meant to stay with to come visit you there?

sashafierce

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retro:electro

sashafierce wrote: »

Friend I was staying with said she won't be meeting me at all whatever happens with her grandad and I can't stay at hers because her parents will be upset. My issue is she committed to me going over knowing her grandad hadn't long left and now its this week and she's using him as an excuse.

If she won't be meeting you then why is she thick that you're not going to go?

bonyn

Never ceases to amaze me how some ppl act.

Tell her you cannot afford trains or other accommodation. You'll be happy to rebook another time when she can put you up. And tell her ya hope her granddad gets well soon.

Oh and have nothing more to do with her

December2012

So if I read this correctly
You were supposed to go visit and stay with her
You can't because her grandad is dying and she doesn't have room now
She still wants you to fly over
She wants to see you, yet she won't be making any time to see you?
She's annoyed.

If that's the case, then I strongly suspect that she is pissed off and angry at the whole situation, mainly the grandads death.

She's probably all over the place. She might want you there for support but that can't happen if you've nowhere to stay.

If I were you, I would give her a pass while she is grieving (which has started).

Make alternate plans or see what refunds you can get. Don't throw more money after what you've already spent.

Offer phone and text support yo your friend, and in your head pencil in arrangements for another visit another time.

sashafierce

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leggo

People do weird stuff when family emergencies are ongoing. I know I was all over the place when my grandad was sick last year. On one hand, she probably wants life to go on as normal because it makes her forget, then she realises it can't because of this, then she's lashing out on you over that. It's not fair but if you're good enough friends with someone you take these bullets and they take them for you down the line in return.

Don't get thick back with her. Be understanding and give her a pass on this one if it's out of character. Tell her you looked up accommodation and genuinely can't afford it on short notice but you guys will reschedule at a better time and you're still there for her if she needs to talk. Let her have her tantrum and let it all go over your head, then see how the lay of the land is down the line.

Big Bag of Chips

sashafierce wrote: »

Honestly I feel a bit too annoyed to reschedule it took a lot of planning to finally organise a time to meet this time and loads of weekends she wasn't available etc

Things happen. She can't help it that her grandad has deteriorated. I'm sure they were all willing him to improve and that's why they were trying to carry on as normal and make plans assuming or at least hoping he would recover. Getting annoyed at her is only annoying yourself. Contact her. Tell her you realise she's busy at this time and you'll give her a bit of space to deal with everything and you'll organise another time. I agree with the previous poster who says give her a bit of leeway at this time.

Unless you never wanted to visit her in the first place, I think being annoyed about it and not wanting to bother rescheduling seems to be a bit of an overreaction on your part and a bit sulky.

Katgurl

My genuine reaction is that there is more to this story that you can't see because you're focusing on your irritation. You haven't expressed any sympathy whatsoever for her situation.

I'm guessing the conversation went like this -

"My grandad has contracted pneumonia, he hasn't long left so you won't be able to stay here."
"Oh ffs all my flights and train tickets are non-refundable. That's a lot of wasted money for me."
"Ohhh... You're not gonna come at all? Can't you stay somewhere else?"
"Yes I suppose I could stay with another friend. But you shouldn't have organised this knowing this might happen. Now I'll have to buy more train tickets."
"Is that all you have to say? My granddad is dying and you're giving out about train tickets. Don't worry about getting over and back from hers to mine, I won't want to meet up with you anyway."

sashafierce

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Big Bag of Chips

sashafierce wrote: »

I wanted to fly into where my other friend is and she told me not to.

So?! Do you need her permission?

She's told you she won't be able to meet up with you anyway. Or was that if you went to the other friends?

Seriously, sasha, this is actually quite a simple scenario and one where you should be able to make your own decision on what to do. I take it she lives at home? And the grandad lived with them? Maybe she had offered you a place to stay and then when he deteriorated her mother/father asked her to ask you not to stay. That's reasonable. And personally I'd hate to go stay with a friend, be a guest in their house at such a private and intimate time for them.

Go to stay with the other friend, or don't go at all. Please don't have any more over and back with your friend.

Merkin

sashafierce wrote: »

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That's hardly fair. One of her parents is about to lose their father, it's most likely a very sad and stressful time so I'm sure the last thing they feel like doing is playing mine host. This girl wasn't to know her grandfather would deteriorate like this.

I also echo the above and think you should have no further dialogue on this issue with her, it's not the time.

SB_Part2

If she's not going to see you at all then I don't see why she has an issue. Am I missing something here?

sashafierce

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