New housemate having people over

Melisandre121

I just moved into a new house about 2 weeks ago, my housemate is a girl who I have a few mutual friends with. She has a different life to me in that she works in a bar so works late and goes out and drinks a lot. She's mentioned a few times she sometimes has people back to the house. Today I came home from work (I work nights) and there was 3 people in the house from last night, after they'd decided to come back here for drinks. I'm really not comfortable with this, it's 1:30pm and I feel I should be able to relax in my own home without having to worry about people I don't know being here.

Am I being unreasonable? I have no idea how to handle this, or how to say to her that I'm not really ok with it without causing conflict. Any advice would be welcome.

confusedguy1

Hi OP. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I can be difficult enough coming home to a place overrun with strangers or housemate's friends in the evening after a 9 to 5 work day, but I would find it moreso concerning if they were in the house after a night out, possible with drink and maybe more on them.

I think you should discuss this with your flatemate, can be diffcult to have such converstations but for the best to nip it in the bud early.

intheclouds

Were the people awake or asleep?

Were they doing something wrong?

Are you saying that neither of you are allowed to have friends over at all?

Or is it just overnight and multiple friends?

ibarelycare

You said she mentioned a few times that she has people back. Did you voice your issues with it when she mentioned it? If you didn't object at the time, she probably presumed your silence meant you were cool with it.

Is this the first time this has happened? And you've been living there a few weeks? Someone having friends over once every few weeks is perfectly acceptable IMO, as long as they're not being disruptive or disrespectful. She probably should have given you a heads up though, so maybe this is something you can ask her to do in future.

It seems like your conflicting schedules and lifestyles are probably going to be an issue tbh. You really should have considered this before moving in with her (I know, hindsight blah blah).

Have to agree with ibarelycare and say that her bringing people back every couple of weeks isn't too bad. If it were more than that, then I'd say differently.

I can understand your feeling uncomfortable, but she isn't entirely in the wrong here. You have conflicting schedules, which is always going to be an issue regardless of their bringing people back.

kylith

If she's not doing it constantly and the people are quiet and respectful and not disturbing you then I would see no issue with it.

Don't be afraid the relax with people there. Want dinner? Cook and eat. Want to watch telly? 'Hey, can you put on X? I always watch it after work.'

And/or sit down with your housemate and work out what's acceptable for having friends over.

Merkin

It's not permitted to start multiple threads on the same topic so I've merged this thread with the one you started a few days ago.

intheclouds

It sounds like you are not happy with the housemate arrangement for multiple reasons so find somewhere else to live?