Relationship Worries.

spud82

Hi all

I;ve been with my partner for a long time now, and I am really depressed. I am not working FT at the moment and it is really getting me down. We've had to move in with his parents and I've been there for a few months now and it is really getting me down.

My partner is working at the moment and I spend my days looking for work and it's soul destroying.

I feel so down all the time and I want to travel so I can get a job. Problem is my partner won't get a visa and I will. Should I just go? I just can't any work here, and I can't cope with not working. Should I put my happiness first and do the whole long distance thing? I am afraid if I do it won't last or it will put a massive strain on our relationship. I just don't think I can cope with living in his home house anymore, I just need my own space and life and to be able to put by brain to use.

I just don't know what to do

IvyTheTerrible

MOD Hi OP I've moved your thread to Relationship Issues as it's better suited to there. Please take note of the new charter.

Keane2baMused

OP have you talked about this with your OH?

Bottling it up will make the weight on your shoulders seem much heavier.

Only you can decide if you should stay or go. However consider your options carefully. Abroad do you have good prospects that may enable you to return in a year or so and get a job easier here?

Can you upskill or do anything else to improve your job prospects here?

spud82

Keane2baMused wrote: »

OP have you talked about this with your OH?

Bottling it up will make the weight on your shoulders seem much heavier.

Only you can decide if you should stay or go. However consider your options carefully. Abroad do you have good prospects that may enable you to return in a year or so and get a job easier here?

Can you upskill or do anything else to improve your job prospects here?

I cant afford to go back to college. I have 2 degrees and a MA but finding it so hard to find work. I just don't know what to do. He has said he'd hate for me to go but we would make it work. He has got a really good job so he thinks he should stay it in and we'd give the long distance thing a run. I could move to the UK for a year or two and than come back home, but it's just so weird to think of me moving over on my own and starting a new life. However I am not getting any younger and I can't stay unemployed forever it's destroying my sole. Would I be a selfish bitch if I moved to get work

Keane2baMused

spud82 wrote: »

I cant afford to go back to college. I have 2 degrees and a MA but finding it so hard to find work. I just don't know what to do. He has said he'd hate for me to go but we would make it work. He has got a really good job so he thinks he should stay it in and we'd give the long distance thing a run. I could move to the UK for a year or two and than come back home, but it's just so weird to think of me moving over on my own and starting a new life. However I am not getting any younger and I can't stay unemployed forever it's destroying my sole. Would I be a selfish bitch if I moved to get work

No, not selfish at all.

Ursus Horribilis

spud82 wrote: »

He has said he'd hate for me to go but we would make it work. He has got a really good job so he thinks he should stay in it and we'd give the long distance thing a run.

I think you should give it a try and see how you get on. Your partner's OK with you going and that's a really big thing. Where are you living? Ireland? Anywhere near an airport? The UK's only a plane ride away and you'd still be able to see each other at weekends or when you take time off. Nothing is ever set in stone so if you go to the UK and find it isn't working for you, you can always come back.

You seem to be in something of a downward spiral here. You said you're depressed. Is that depression as diagnosed by your GP or a figure of speech because you're feeling down over how things have worked out for you? If you're genuinely depressed, maybe you should talk to your GP?

If your relationship is strong enough, it will survive this temporary situation. As long as you and your partner keep communicating well and talk to each other, you'll be fine. Maybe starting a new life and having to fend for yourself will be really good for you.

Irish_Elect_Eng

I am sure that your partner wants you to be happy and fulfilled also.
Talk with him and work out an arrangement that will work for you both individually and as a couple. If things are as bad as you say your relationship will probably not survive the strain if you do nothing, so going may be the best thing to do for both of you at this time.

Best of Luck.

spud82

We had a massive talk last night and he said we'd "probably" survive if I left but it would be hard if I went for weeks on end without seeing him. FFS. I am just going to go ASAP I can't cope with being outthere. The last few years have been all about him so it's time things changed and I did something for myself.

Ursus Horribilis

spud82 wrote: »

We had a massive talk last night and he said we'd "probably" survive if I left but it would be hard if I went for weeks on end without seeing him. FFS. I am just going to go ASAP I can't cope with being outthere. The last few years have been all about him so it's time things changed and I did something for myself.

You do sound overly dependent on him if you don't mind me saying. Of course it'll be hard but seeing him but if you both put in the effort you'll be fine. You're looking at this in a very negative way. I bet you're seeing this "probably survive" phrase as "will most likely split up".

You sound very anxious too. Is that a tendency of yours?

spud82

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

You do sound overly dependent on him if you don't mind me saying. Of course it'll be hard but seeing him but if you both put in the effort you'll be fine. You're looking at this in a very negative way. I bet you're seeing this "probably survive" phrase as "will most likely split up".

You sound very anxious too. Is that a tendency of yours?

Yes I was in an abusive relationship for before I met by ex and go for counselling in the Rape Crisis Centre a lot. It's a tendency i have after the abuse i went through to always expect the worse x

Idle Passerby

Going to the UK for work isn't so bad. Depending on where you live now (i.e. somewhere with direct flights to your new city) you will likely be closer timewise- than of you moved to another part of Ireland. You could conceivably still see each other every weekend. It doesn't have to mean the death knell.