That old cliche (with a twist)

LegacyUser

Hi,

It's been a while since I last visited these forums...

Well, where to begin?

Here, I suppose...

A few months ago, I met a man online ( mybook or one of those ) and we have in that time, as you can imagine, become increasingly more intimate in our discussions. I have, sadly, developed an emotional attachment to him - even though we have only spoken via text ( PMs, Status posts, etc.. ). I really have just allowed myself to open up to this guy, and after dropping some pretty major hints for a while, I finally revealed my Transgender status ( something I tend to only disclose on a need-to-know basis ). He admitted, he kinda knew from the things I had told him... so yeah, that was a relief... well... maybe... it may have just made my growing affections for him even more complicated... kinda wish he had freaked and blocked me after I told him - but we live in an enlightened society - Yay!! Go me!!

See, here is the thing: the guy is married with kids; he claims all is not well with the wife ( yeah, I know... I'm an idiot ). Anyhow, he likes venting to me about his struggling marriage, but says they are still trying. He loves his kids, of that there is no doubt. So for that reason a huge part of me just feels uncomfortable and guilty about the way things have progressed. At no point has he discouraged my correspondence - in fact, he was the one who initiated and continues to welcome our talks.

To be honest, as of yet, he has not made romantic advances towards me ( well, none that I could press my finger on and hold up as evidence as a definite come-on ) and maybe he really does just want a platonic thing ( which is what I made him agree to at the beginning of our dialogue ) and I would like that - even if I am developing feelings which conflict... I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt on that count... but still, I am struggling.

Well, yeah... there it is...


Am I looking for advice? I don't know... I guess... maybe... ( feel free to SHOUT AT ME and call me an IDIOT too!! )

Possibly, I just want somebody to confirm: I'm setting myself up for a massive fall

Okay... all done...

Thanks for reading

Ten of Swords

You made him agree this is platonic, he told you he is married and in spite of the fact things are not going well with his wife they are still trying to make it work. He is your friend and he bitches about his marriage to you, I'm not sure what you have to feel guilty about op, even if your discussions are getting intimate they're just words, is there an intent behind them? You said yourself he has not made romantic advances so what exactly do you visualize happening?

Look, it's great that you have found someone you can connect with and who you feel comfortable with revealing your status to but he has been upfront about his family and irrespective of how you feel about him he doesn't seem to feel the same way about you and will not begin a relationship with you. Intimate conversations is about as far as it's going to go based on the info you gave.

Accept it and stay platonic if this guy's friendship is a healthy source of support for you or move on before you cause yourself unnecessary pain.

LegacyUser

Thank you, 10 of Swords.

I guess, I was just venting but the reply is appreciated nonetheless...

Yeah, I did try set clear boundaries when we first started corresponding - but I think we both were being more cagey then; still feeling each other out. But after opening up, sadly, I do feel a connection. Whether I would ever act on these feelings is another matter.

I mean, I feel a measure of guilt just messaging him, as I consider the emotional betrayal, regarding his marital problems a form of cheating - and I, a willing accomplice.

I know, in the past, he has become involved with at least one other woman whilst married (not sure as to the extent of the affair ) but if he has made any romantic advances towards me they have been very subtle and I am useless at reading signals anyhow...


To be honest, with a clear head, I think the guy just likes having a safe space to escape with some rather anonymous person online who will listen to him air his grievances ( kinda like what I am doing here, I suppose ) - I think he just likes me as someone he can confide in, period. And it's not like I don't get anything from our conversations - I can do the platonic thing even if the line has become somewhat blurrier.

I don't know, I'm jut processing stuff...

But thanks for your input.