Should I drink for dutch courage?

LegacyUser

Hey,

I'm 22 and don't drink. Not sure why, but I can never really feel comfortable with guys when I'm out in a club. I'll chat to them but I'm too aware that I'm in a public place, and won't kiss them even if I want to because someone might see (by someone, I mean anybody I've ever known my in my life, so my friends, a cousin, a client from work, a lecturer, my GP, anybody). The idea makes me very uncomfortable. It's fine when I'm in a relationship, or at a party because it's so much quieter with so many less people, but at a public place like a club I just can't. It feels too intense and scary.

It annoys me because I feel like I'm being held back? I remember being out with my friends a couple of weeks ago, and my friends friend literally stared at two of our friends when they started dancing and kissing on the dance floor (he was on a balcony). He watched for a few minutes, and I was so grateful to know I wasn't down there being watched. Is that normal? It puts me off so much more.

Do you think drinking would help loosen me up? Not going overboard now to get drunk.

LegacyUser

Hi OP. I totally think that yes, drinking would loosen you up and you would have less of an issue kissing someone in a crowded place. in fact if you were drunk enough you probably would have no issue at all. But remember that what you do when you drink might have repercussions and if you wouldn't do it sober, I don't really recommend doing it at all!

NIMAN

Perhaps stop worrying about what other people might think of you.

None of their business. Live your life.

NIMAN

Perhaps stop worrying about what other people might think of you.

None of their business. Live your life.

December2012

Why are you relating drinking with kissing?

LegacyUser

Drinking isn't going to solve your issue, it will quite likely just make you do something you'll regret the following day. Don't change your drinking habit, change your mind and realise that people don't really care if you kiss someone and there's nothing wrong with kissing someone, perfectly natural, enjoyable human experience. If you feel you need to be discreet, no harm in that and you can always find a quiet corner. If you feel that it's too "intense and scary", you may want to consider counselling, because you've strayed over the line from exciting to worrying. That said, I expect you'll do it once or twice, then relax and find it hard to remember what you were worrying about.

And the problem in your story about your friends isn't the couple kissing and dancing, it's the creep who stared at them for a few minutes.

baby and crumble

i think the thing to work on more is your aversion to PDA's. Not saying you have to be ok with dry humping someone in a club but kissing someone in a bar is no big deal. Why are you afraid of someone you know in passing seeing you kiss someone?

beks101

Maybe the hookup scene just isn't your bag. It's sad to me that it's so prolific at your age that you think there's something wrong with you and that you need to drink more despite not being much of a drinker.

I'd suggest you stay true to yourself and stay away from clubs if the whole thing makes you feel uncomfortable. Take up some new hobbies away from the pub club scene and use that as your social outlet as well as the odd night out.

tcif

dutchcourage wrote: »

Do you think drinking would help loosen me up? Not going overboard now to get drunk.

I think this would be a really bad idea, for a few reasons.

If you don't feel good about something now, when you're sober, but you do it anyway under the influence of drink have you thought about how you might feel about that the next day when the dutch courage has faded? How will you feel then about who saw you doing what with whom?

Alcohol loosens people up by lowering their inhibitions but it takes a certain amount to get there and it can be a fine enough line between loosened up and drunk, and under the influence you could end up doing a lot more with a random stranger than you would ever be comfortable with.

There's nothing wrong with not feeling comfortable hooking up with a stranger in a club or bar but if you rather be more open to that, I think try to find a way that doesn't require alcohol.

Wiseman Drinkwater

Drinking to loosen inhibitions or to try and push away emotions isn't a healthy tactic. I used to do it and it didn't end up well.

JimmyCrackCorn

First Up.

If a club is not working ask them on a date somewhere else.

Your 22 normal to be nervous, confidence comes from experience and conquering nerves.

It may take a while but as you get more experience and maybe older you'll stop caring as much what other people think as everyone has there own issues and are more often panicking about them than worrying about what you are up to.
There is of course those have too much time on there hands but they drive everyone daft.

As for drinking for confidence, that is a double edged sword. Not the best way to deal with it. You will not really deal with the anxiety by suppressing it. But once you overcome it without booze it gets easier over time.