Dead friend's clothes

LegacyUser

A friend of mine passed away last year, in his thirties. I was recently visiting his mother, and she gave me a large box of things that belonged to him. I told her that I'd find a good home for them, but I'm at a bit of a loss what to do with them. It's mainly clothes.

I think it'd be selfish to keep them to myself, but I couldn't bring myself to give them to charity or anything. Some aren't re-usable anyway - underwear, etc.

I wouldn't know where to start sharing them out. Ask each friend of his to pick one out? They'd be useless to some as they wouldn't fit, but maybe they'd keep it as a memento. There's his girlfriend as well, but I don't want to dump the whole lot on her. I think she'd appreciate an item or two.

I feel like his mother has trusted me with these items, and I want to be sure I do the right thing with them. I'm just not sure what that is yet...

ManOfMystery

I know you have to handle this kind of thing respectfully, but realistically - what is going to happen to items like his underwear? I can't them being re-used. I would dump the underwear and give the rest to charity, then it's up to them how they're distributed. At least some good will come of his remaining clothes.

Has his mother or gf expressed any particular thoughts on what you should do with them?

looksee

The mother could not cope with the idea of disposing of the belongings and passed the responsibility onto you. Dump the underwear and significantly worn clothing. Give the rest of the clothing to a charity shop. Keep any other bits and pieces that may be of interest, ask close friends casually if they would like a little memento but in due course his mother may wish she had something to remember him by, so be prepared for that.

chuckles30

If you are anyone want to keep any of it, then do that. Personally, it wouldn't sit well with me to keep something like this, but that's only my own view - others would be different.

Good stuff that is wearable/saleable - donate it to a charity shop or charity.

Any worn out stuff, unusable stuff such as underwear etc can be put into a clothing recycling bin or donated to a "cash for clobber" collection point - nearly every school, gaa club here are collecting this stuff constantly. I know it may sound harsh, but if it's no use to anyone, it has to go.

bonyn

looksee wrote: »

The mother could not cope with the idea of disposing of the belongings and passed the responsibility onto you. Dump the underwear and significantly worn clothing. Give the rest of the clothing to a charity shop.

Don't dump anything. Charity shops can get money for rags too by the kilo. They can wash and sell clothes in better condition.
Don't keep any of the clothes to wear and dont offer them to friends either. If the clothes are a bit unique it can ve better to donate them to a shop outside the mother's town.
If there are some personal effects, put them aside for friends but dont be tempted to hoard them in your own house.

Shybride2016

Hi there,

Firstly, sorry for your loss. I agree with others, anything in good condition I'd pass on, maybe to a shop in another town not local.

Not sure if you'd like the idea of keeping one or two things and getting a cushion made out of them? I've seen a few people on Facebook who make cushions out of clothes belonging to someone who's passed away. I'm thinking of doing it with my own friend's clothes who passed away, it might be of comfort to you but I know it's a very individual thing!

Yellow pack crisps

You could have a get together in your friends memory and let the people attending choose something if they like and anything left donate or let go.

uck51js9zml2yt

Charity shops are crying out for clothes, as are the likes of Simon and other homeless charities.

Ursus Horribilis

I wonder are you placing too much weight on being given these clothes? Disposing of a loved one's clothing can be a very emotional time. There's a real finality to removing someone's clothes from the house and to your friend's mum, you were a much better option than a charity shop or landfill. Hopefully it gave her some comfort but it looks like she has landed you with a minor headache. Being brutal here, how many people are really going to want an item of clothing belonging to this unfortunate guy?

I think asking his friends wouldn't be a bad idea just in case someone wants to take something. But really, I can see most of these clothes heading for either a charity shop or landfill. What do you think your friend would've wanted? Leaving them into a charity shop in another town isn't a bad idea at all. At least then they'll do some good for someone. The suggestion earlier in this thread from Shybride about having something made out of the clothes mightn't be a bad idea either. It doesn't have to be cushions either. Maybe someone you know is good with their hands and could make something else.

freshpopcorn

The only thing I've being told about donating clothes to charity is they don't want old tatty clothes which wouldn't be fit for sale or to give to people because nobody wants old tatty clothes and they wouldn't want to give them to somebody who's Homeless either because they have dignity as well and then the charity has to pay to dispose of them.

bonyn

freshpopcorn wrote: »

The only thing I've being told about donating clothes to charity is they don't want old tatty clothes which wouldn't be fit for sale or to give to people because nobody wants old tatty clothes and they wouldn't want to give them to somebody who's Homeless either because they have dignity as well and then the charity has to pay to dispose of them.

You've been misinformed.
Even the tattiest of clothes can be sold as rags for use in industry, stuffing, and whatever else... and even tatty coats and shoes can be repaired and shipped abroad for people who literally don't have any clothes.

freshpopcorn

bonyn wrote: »

You've been misinformed.
Even the tattiest of clothes can be sold as rags for use in industry, stuffing, and whatever else... and even tatty coats and shoes can be repaired and shipped abroad for people who literally don't have any clothes.

The charities I've donated to have being the Saint Vincent de Paul and it even says in their website they want good quality clothing and shoes.
http://www.svp.ie/Get-Involved/Donate-To-Our-Shops.aspx
I know I've explained this with other charities as well( I can't think og the mames of them now)and volunteers saying that they get tired of getting in bad clothes and shoes.

AlteredStates

The homeless will b glad of the underwear & clothes .. Wats not used will usually be put into a clothing bank which will probably go for recycling if tatty etc

AlteredStates

The homeless will b glad of the underwear & clothes .. Wats not used will usually be put into a clothing bank which will probably go for recycling if tatty etc

AlteredStates

The homeless will b glad of the underwear & clothes .. Wats not used will usually be put into a clothing bank which will probably go for recycling if tatty etc

littelady

Firstly I am very sorry for your loss. I seen somewhere possibility fb where people get loved ones clothing and make it into a patch work cushion. You could get one for his mum and she might get some comfort everytime she holds it.

Idle Passerby

The homeless would not be glad of someone's old underpants! What a horrible thing to say!

I think maybe OP is placing too much importance on the clothes. Would your friend have wanted people rummaging though his underwear of all things? Those should go in the bin, keep anything you feel attached to and the rest to a charity shop.

Full Marx

freshpopcorn wrote: »

The charities I've donated to have being the Saint Vincent de Paul and it even says in their website they want good quality clothing and shoes.
http://www.svp.ie/Get-Involved/Donate-To-Our-Shops.aspx
I know I've explained this with other charities as well( I can't think og the mames of them now)and volunteers saying that they get tired of getting in bad clothes and shoes.

You are wrong here. Clothing charities sell off rags, ie **** clothes, by the bag. This is a major source of revenue. They ASK for good stuff as more money is made by sellibg clothes as clothes rather than rag but they make money off of crap clothes.

You know the stickers you get in the door? They are all bogus charities and their primary aim is to sell the clothes off as rag. This is how tgey make their money, not by individually selling off decent pieces.

I know this as I have worked extensivly in this area in a professional capacity.

So OP give the lot to a charity. Unless any of the clothes are soiled.

I wear a late friends jacket a lot... i think he would like it being used.

freshpopcorn

Full Marx wrote: »

You are wrong here. Clothing charities sell off rags, ie **** clothes, by the bag. This is a major source of revenue. They ASK for good stuff as more money is made by sellibg clothes as clothes rather than rag but they make money off of crap clothes.

You know the stickers you get in the door? They are all bogus charities and their primary aim is to sell the clothes off as rag. This is how tgey make their money, not by individually selling off decent pieces.

I know this as I have worked extensivly in this area in a professional capacity.

So OP give the lot to a charity. Unless any of the clothes are soiled.

I wear a late friends jacket a lot... i think he would like it being used.

All I know is what I've being told by people working for charities. They said there sick of getting old tat that they end up paying to get rid off.
I know my sisters school(she's a tracher) collected clothes by weight to raise money/get stuff for the school. The first year or two they would take anything. In the last year or two they've being very picky about what they'll take.

athtrasna

freshpopcorn wrote: »

All I know is what I've being told by people working for charities. They said there sick of getting old tat that they end up paying to get rid off.
I know my sisters school(she's a tracher) collected clothes by weight to raise money/get stuff for the school. The first year or two they would take anything. In the last year or two they've being very picky about what they'll take.

That's probably because the cash for clothes crowd they use sell the GPS stuff off at the likes of fairyhouse market and scrap the rest. It's always worth researching the cash for clothes companies to see which ones are most genuine

op I love the idea of a memory cushion. beyond that consider shelters and homeless organisations.

Turtle_

Probably a bit late but I think before you get rid of anything you should ask his girlfriend in particular if she wants any of it. She might have gotten him something special, or maybe there's some souvenir clothes from trips they were on etc.

iguana

freshpopcorn wrote: »

All I know is what I've being told by people working for charities. They said there sick of getting old tat that they end up paying to get rid off.

That's for other items. Books, toys, bric-a-brac, manky pillows and duvets, etc. All of those have to be sent to landfill at commercial rates which are very costly to charities. Clothing, shoes, belts and handbags, etc can be sold to ragging companies for a small amount per sack. Charity shops get so much clothing only fit for ragging that annually it amounts to a decent income. The people you were talking to about it are possibly just working on the sorting aspect and find it disheartening to have 10-20 items of junky clothing for everything that is saleable. It is certainly frustrating to spend an hour sorting through sacks and only find a handful of items for the shop. They probably aren't working with the ragging company, doing the shop accounts and don't deposit the ragging cheque every quarter and see what a difference that payment makes to the shop's income.

Anything that's potentially saleable should be freshly cleaned and dried though. Very, very few charity shops have laundry facilities and it's a shame to rag a sack of perfectly good clothing because they were too dirty to sell. Getting €1.40 for a sack of dirty clothing that might have brought in €100+ if they'd been run through a washing machine by the donor is a shame. I always wash anything I donate and if I have torn items/old underwear I put them in a separate bag and label them as rags, to save the volunteers the hassle of sorting them.