ADHD to get the diagnosis or not?

LegacyUser

Right off the bat I am not looking for medical advice.
What I am actually looking for is advice whether I should seek medical advice.
This is a long post, Part 1 is just background. Part 2 is the actual problem.

Part 1
I'm not really sure where to start.
Im a 28 year old man. I left school young but through a combination of things I now have a college degree.
Basically I am worried that I may have ADHD but also worried that I don't.
I have always had a hard time concentrating. Ever since primary school I have had teachers or supervisors at work telling me to "wake up", "concentrate" , " Pay attention" etc
I left school as soon as I could because I couldnt take it anymore. Everyday I was in trouble or getting given out to for something. Either being late, forgetting books and things, not doing homework or not paying attention. One primary school teacher routinely told me I was lazy.
I wasn't ill behaved I generally kept to myself but the constant reprimanding was wearing me down. I tried to pay attention, I tried to be on time and to be organised but I just couldnt understand how to actually do it.
I got an apprenticeship after I left and I hoped things in the working world would be different but as you can imagine they were worse. I was always losing tools or bits and pieces or getting distracted while trying to do a job. I found arriving on site on time very hard for some reason. Everyday I tried to do better but I didn't know how to even start trying if that makes sense. I was almost fired from the first place I worked but I left the apprenticeship before that could happen.
I had about 7 jobs I think between 16 and 21, same story over and over again until I got into University via an access course.
Pretty much the same story there except I was left alone, I did OK and got a 2.2 by cramming at the last minute.
I've had two jobs since I graduated. I thought that now I had a degree and I would be doing work I enjoyed and my old problems would be gone. But I still had the same problems and no idea how to fix them. My first job out of university I overworked myself. I worked stupid hours and regularly did a full month without a day off ( I did 62 days straight once) Looking back on it, I was compensating for my poor performance, my sloppy work and poor time management (because I was always getting distracted by new and interesting work without realising it)
I left that job for unrelated reasons and nearly got fired from the next one for all the same reasons as more than 10 years ago. I was also very bored there was alot of routine and I just couldnt pay attention.
I quit, moved back in with my parents and signed on last winter. I became very suicidal, my self esteem was nonexistent and I was afraid to look for work again. I didnt want to repeat the pattern all over again. I got counselling at Pieta house and I am over the suicidal bit and my self esteem is a bit better. I have started looking for work again, but I am very anxious. I have changed my career goals 3 or 4 time in the past few months I dont know what I want to do and the goalposts keep shifting.

Part 2
Due to all of the above my parents are very worried about me. They have mentioned to that some of my behaviour isnt normal for an adult. I drift off when they are speaking directly to me or forget basic things. They suspected I had ADHD as a child but nothing ever came of it. My dad is currently seeing a psychiatrist for depression and I was mentioned at one point. The psychiatrist told my dad that I should be seeking help.
Apparently all I have to do is go see my GP and ask to get referred. But I am very scared. On the one hand, if I do have ADHD then surely there is a specific proven way to work on my problems and I wont be struggling to force myself to act like a ****ing adult for a change.
But what if I don't? What if I am actually just an immature waste of space that can't hold down a job or remember to shut the door when he leaves the house or bring his ****ing bags when he goes on holiday? What if I am all those things that people, teachers, bosses told me I am?
It feels like such a dilemna. I dont want to be one of these people that wants to be a special little snowflake and demanding a diagnosis but at the same I don't want to be told "Nah your grand just grow up"
I mean I know there are people out there that are just terribly lazy with no work ethic, I'm just really afraid that I am one of them. I don't think my self esteem could handle that.
In that way it is easier to be where I am now, believing I have something without it being confirmed because it protects my ego. But I am not getting any help or support this way either.
Im not even sure why I posted here, maybe just needed it off my chest but if anyone has any helpful advice that would be really nice

Rubberchikken

the only advice i could give would be to go and talk to your gp.
see what comes of that and go from there. we all forget things, can be late for things etc, but deciding that you yourself may have something isn't helpful to you.
i dont think you're lazy. you've proved you can get work and do it. you've been to college. but you do need someone to help you figure out what's going on and when that happens you'll have a much better idea of things.

sorry i've nothing better to add. best of luck

lifeandtimes

to be honest I don't think there is much they can do about it for you as an adult but by all means see your gp and ask for advice.

my brother has it and was diagnosed at a young age,he also had other issues which he was medicated for and this helped him,today he's a valued functioning member of society,he has his quirks and can be immature but that's just part of who he is and everyone who knows and works with him know that but wouldn't know he had adhd unless you told them

zoobizoo

It could be that you need stimulation and the mundanity just makes you switch off.

Let's say you were working in a busy bar and from the time you arrived to the time you finished your shift you had to get things done immediately, and you weren't relying on your inner motivation to get hard / boring tasks done. Do you think that that would make a difference?

When under pressure for your course you performed and got it done.

I see it as a combination of procrastination, poor time management and a lack of organisation as being the issues - where that come from is something else such as lack of belief in your abilities, self doubt, self critcism and fear of failure. . . . which can all be tackled by visiting a counselling psychologist.

In the meantime, buy a book called The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. Robert Burns... it's a good practical guide to start you off.

Faith

lifeandtimes wrote: »

to be honest I don't think there is much they can do about it for you as an adult

Okay, this is just not true. ADHD is typically diagnosed in childhood, yes, but there are many adults out there who slipped through the cracks. There is medication that's very effective, and it's available for adults as well as children.

OP, you should absolutely go speak to your GP. I obviously can't give you a diagnosis, but I would think that being aware that you can't hold down a job, and becoming suicidal, are in themselves very valid reasons to go.

One caution: Explicitly mention your concerns around ADHD to your GP. They're looking for it in kids, but they don't tend to expect it in adults so they could miss it if you don't draw their attention to it.