Confiding in others

cantdecide

Do you find it easy to confide in others and if so, what are they to you, out of curiosity? For me, I've realised that one of my closest confidantes is a workmate that I started carpooling with earlier this year. There isn't much about each other that we don't know at this stage.

I have never lacked the ability to articulate and express my thoughts and feelings but I have struggled to find sympathetic ears. I have been the sympathetic ear to others and glad to be.

smash

It depends what's on my mind, and if the person I'm talking to has had similar experiences as me. So there's some people I find it easy to talk to and others who I'd consider friends but who I wouldn't necessarily open up to all that much.

I used to open up to people quite easily and just be honest with them but I learned to shut my mouth because too many people are just looking for gossip.

Wibbs

Just my friends. Not into the whole more public sharing thing. Actively try to avoid it. I figure other people have their own crap and many have much worse crap than me, so no need for me to whinge about mine.

Pepe LeFrits

Used to be very bad at expressing myself to anyone. Self-defence mechanism that I'd justify with reasoning similar to Wibbs' above (I realise Wibbs is referring to 'public sharing', which I agree I wouldn't be into either). Have gotten better at and am more comfortable with discussing personals with a couple of my close friends. Important to be able to do so I think.

H3llR4iser

It's...very complicated. Repeated Myers-Briggs tests (couple of friends are psychologists, plus a couple of jobs required one as a "team building" thingie) strongly and decisively put me in the INTJ personality archetype - which happens to be the rarest of them all, so I could say I have an...unique mentality. More here: https://www.16personalities.com/intj-personality

In a nutshell, I prefer not to discuss anything of real importance to me for two specific reasons: first of all I very rarely feel the need for it (needs to be something EXTREMELY troubling) and second, I can't be bothered to deal with the potential of the "confidant" being unable to understand my point and being ignorantly critical of it, something that happens more or less...always, when your ideas and views are markedly left-of-field and disregard conventionality, expectations, status quo and even some forms of authority

I actually actively avoid even getting into conversations about politics, religion and other subjects people feel strongly about for the very same reasons; I have lost respect for the intelligence of plenty of people over the years who revealed themselves to be covert racists, sexists or just ignorant idiots in disguise. In extreme cases, I make a point and wait for reality to prove it (yep, INTJs are the masters of "I told you so!" ).

There's only one person who has got an insight into most of me, and it happens to be a female friend; However, even she doesn't have the "full fat" picture. Most other friends, some of which I know since early childhood, regard me as a bit of a mystery - an aura I do absolutely nothing to dispel, I must say

lazybones32

I mostly don't find it necessary tbh. I don't know why, I just know I don't feel the need.

Gael23

Im not a really emotional person that feels the needs to express my innermost feelings to anyone, no matter what there relationship to me is or how much I trust them.
In terms of general life stuff I dont have a problem opening up to someone I know well and am comfortable with. For me, its probably someone I go to athletics training with. Its a person I met in a professional sense and we discovered we had a lot in common, which I think helps establish such a relationship.
As I said I'm not deep into my feelings with anyone but thats one of the few people I'll talk about almost anything to.

Dravokivich

Yeah I've some friends that I've spoken with about a lot of stuff, only holding back were it came to legal issues, so I wouldn't compromise my position. I had a lot on last year and needed to sound off, not to relieve stress or anything but for the availability to be critiqued by those who knew me and that I trusted too.

Gael23

Dravokivich wrote: »

Yeah I've some friends that I've spoken with about a lot of stuff, only holding back were it came to legal issues, so I wouldn't compromise my position. I had a lot on last year and needed to sound off, not to relieve stress or anything but for the availability to be critiqued by those who knew me and that I trusted too.

Never faced things which raised legal issues but sometimes I find it good to just get something off my chest. A few years back and before I met the person I referred to, I was unhappy in college and it was getting me down. Then I went to my GP at the time who I trusted a lot too, but then that's a different sort of relationship even though I trusted him in a way that I could discuss things that weren't always medical if that makes sense

Dravokivich

I spent half of last year in the family courts. All the proceedings are "in camera" so not to be discussed while ongoing. There was also an extended period it was adjourned and I was to be considered "still under cross examination." Which meant not only could I not talk to friends/family I couldn't even talk with solicitor or barrister.

lazybones32

Dravokivich wrote: »

.. Which meant not only could I not talk to friends/family I couldn't even talk with solicitor or barrister.

You're not allowed speak with your own solicitor?

Dravokivich

lazybones32 wrote: »

You're not allowed speak with your own solicitor?

Not when you are being cross examined. So when there was a break in proceedings they couldnt engage with me. I have a feeling that was a setup too as the barrister cross examining me did an awful lot of grandstanding.

HalloweenJack

I've found as I've got older and more confident in myself, I've become more comfortable expressing my emotions. I'm not someone who shares with just anybody, just stick to my GF and closest friends, though I'm more open to talking about my feelings in general, whearas previously, I couldn't talk to anyone about it.

Permabear

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ancapailldorcha

I enjoy a good, serious conversation to be honest and I think it can be immensely therapeutic to confide in someone else. It can be a good way to problem solve, chart a new course of action or simply to relieve stress. If anything, I don't think men in general do it enough.

Permabear

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