No longer able to cope

LegacyUser

Hi all, this might be a long post so sorry in advance.

I'm in my mid 20s and moved away from home a year ago. Not far, just to another city. I moved for work and initially loved my job but was in a toxic house share. Shortly after getting out of this house share, I changed roles within the company. So, while I had the perfect living arrangement, I got an awful role and hated going to work. It was around this time that my long term relationship also ended.

Since then, I've been trying to do my best to make the best of the situation at work. I gave it a few months to see if I'd settle in, but it got to the point where I had to take a sick day because I couldn't get myself up out of bed and face going in to work. I booked a few days off and went away to see if that helped. It helped for a while, but now I'm back to barely being able to get up in the mornings.

I'm in an industry that has a lot of varied work. I got shoved in an area I really don't want to be in, so I've been burning myself out in the evenings and at weekends doing extra projects in the area I do want to be in so I can try to move there. When I don't do this, I panic about my career. When I do, I worry about alienating the few friends I have left around me. I'm also worried that I'll spend too much time waiting for this job to get better that I'll have to start from scratch with nothing to show for it when I do decide to change area. In case anyone is wondering, the reason I applied for it in the first place is because it was a graduate programme with a great reputation for good training. It was a general one where they placed you in a random role at the end. I say random because while they led us to believe we had a say, this turned out to not be true so I'm stuck in a role I hate.

Tonight things have really hit me hard and I've been lying in bed in tears for the last hour or so. It feels like when I fix one thing, something else goes wrong. I don't know how to cope with this, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry for the long post and I hope this all makes sense.

Fakediamond

Hiya. Sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment. Without knowing anything about your job/industry, I think it's safe to say you're burning the candle at both ends and getting burnt out, as you said.

Can you chat to a manager about your role and a possible transfer to another department? If not, are you qualifie/experienced enough to look for another job? If not, I'd say you'll have to put up with your current position until you gain more experience. If that's what you have to do, you'll have to get more balance in your life outside work. Get exercise, eat well, socialise and don't take work home with you, no more extra projects for a while anyway. focusing too much on one area of our lives, in your case work, can become all consuming, to the detriment of our health, friendships, relationships and that's just not healthy, as I think you're realising.

You're young, you have years ahead to build a career and find the right job. Try and enjoy your twenties, you should be having fun too and honestly, work is not everything, you really realise that when you get older, take it from me!

ms_negative

OP here. Made a new account so I could respond faster; hope that's ok.

Thanks for your response. I think overwhelmed is the perfect way to describe how I feel. I've been feeling like this for quite a while and I'm not sure how to get rid of it. I've spoken to my manager so she knows I'm unhappy, but she said it might be possible to move down the line. The only issue with this is that the longer I wait, the harder it is to move since I won't have the experience so I'd have to go back to an entry level role. I don't have the experience right now to change jobs easily either.

In relation to the extra projects, they're not work related. It would be like a music teacher going home and playing a music, or an illustrator going home and drawing their own things. It's related to the industry, but it's also a hobby for me. However, I do think I'm putting too much of my time in to it and that's what the issue is.

I just find that if I'm not working on these projects, that I start to completely panic about everything.

bonyn

If you are doing a nice 9 to 5 at work, well stop spending so much time on those projects! Assign time to them. Maybe 2 evenings a week or an entire saturday.
You could ask your employer for some training or even some work exp in an area that would benefit your hobby.

You're not in college anymore. You dont have 3 months in the summer to recover from exam burnout
Learn to balance your responsibilities. Try to network a little if it helps the career you want to move in to.

Start applying for other jobs externally that suit you better.

Failing that, any chance you can go parttime at work, seeing as it sounds to me you don't have enough hours in the day to devote to your projects? It would be the ideal solution if you could convince your employer to get behind it

In the meantime, i think you need to take a week off work, either AL or sick leave... and when i say work, i mean your actual job AND your hobby.

ms_negative

Thank you for your advice. I do think limiting the extra projects to certain evenings a week is a good idea so I'm going to try that. I've asked my manager for approval to get certified in the area I'd like to get in to, and she's agreed to that since I'm also getting certified in the area relevant to my job.

Part time isn't an option, but it's fine because I do need to pull back on the other projects a bit. They are a hobby, but they start to feel like work when I spend too much time on them. Some points in your first post stood out to me a bit. I just noticed this weekend that my room is an absolute state, I've had to really remind myself a lot to shower lately, I couldn't drag myself out of bed until after 1 today when I'm normally up at 9.30am at the latest, and I went even longer again without eating because I had no appetite. So maybe this has been affecting me even worse than I'd thought.

I've tried doing things to support my hobby in work, I've tried taking days off to just do nothing, I've tried doing social things so I get out an exercise more. I've found lately that even doing my weekly sporting event has seemed like a chore for me and I start to panic at the thoughts of it. It's the same for the exercise class I've planned with some friends tomorrow evening. I don't know when or why I got this bad.

edit: in response to your edit. I've requested some time off in 2 weeks and I'm waiting on approval since I've a lot of holidays to take. I actually wasn't working on my hobby for the last week or so since I was sick and I found that it actually made my mood worse, so I think I just need to balance it more, as you suggested.

jack923

ms_negative wrote: »

Hi all, this might be a long post so sorry in advance.

I'm in my mid 20s and moved away from home a year ago. Not far, just to another city. I moved for work and initially loved my job but was in a toxic house share. Shortly after getting out of this house share, I changed roles within the company. So, while I had the perfect living arrangement, I got an awful role and hated going to work. It was around this time that my long term relationship also ended.

Since then, I've been trying to do my best to make the best of the situation at work. I gave it a few months to see if I'd settle in, but it got to the point where I had to take a sick day because I couldn't get myself up out of bed and face going in to work. I booked a few days off and went away to see if that helped. It helped for a while, but now I'm back to barely being able to get up in the mornings.

I'm in an industry that has a lot of varied work. I got shoved in an area I really don't want to be in, so I've been burning myself out in the evenings and at weekends doing extra projects in the area I do want to be in so I can try to move there. When I don't do this, I panic about my career. When I do, I worry about alienating the few friends I have left around me. I'm also worried that I'll spend too much time waiting for this job to get better that I'll have to start from scratch with nothing to show for it when I do decide to change area. In case anyone is wondering, the reason I applied for it in the first place is because it was a graduate programme with a great reputation for good training. It was a general one where they placed you in a random role at the end. I say random because while they led us to believe we had a say, this turned out to not be true so I'm stuck in a role I hate.

Tonight things have really hit me hard and I've been lying in bed in tears for the last hour or so. It feels like when I fix one thing, something else goes wrong. I don't know how to cope with this, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry for the long post and I hope this all makes sense.

Live a little, try not to focus so much on work think about other things.

Who cares, when you feel sad do something fun, what's actually stopping you right now? Relax a little listen to bob marley and think that you might get hit by a bus tomorrow so live your life while you still have it.

Some people work so much they think God where did those 30 years go you've saved all your life for retirement and then you realise you're dying of cancer and next thing you realise you can't take your money with you!

JeffKenna

Hi OP just two little things that could help:

Give us the extra projects for a while. You'll burnout otherwise.

Try ane change your routine a bit. If you find it hard getting up for work set your alarm an hour earlier and go to the gym before work. I find, even though its earlier getting up, it is easier as your not going straight to work.

bonyn

ms_negative wrote: »

Some points in your first post stood out to me a bit. I just noticed this weekend that my room is an absolute state, I've had to really remind myself a lot to shower lately, I couldn't drag myself out of bed until after 1 today when I'm normally up at 9.30am at the latest, and I went even longer again without eating because I had no appetite. So maybe this has been affecting me even worse than I'd thought.

...

edit: in response to your edit. I've requested some time off in 2 weeks and I'm waiting on approval since I've a lot of holidays to take. I actually wasn't working on my hobby for the last week or so since I was sick and I found that it actually made my mood worse, so I think I just need to balance it more, as you suggested.

Glad you benefited from the post, but i deleted it as too much was irrelevant.

When the wheels started falling off for me, i used to do a high intensity exercise class with some friends. I really enjoyed it, until work became stressful. Then i literally couldnt do it without feeling tired and anxious.

I got a personal trainer for a while in the hope of getting the fitness back. he basically said it was such a stressul job that my body couldnt handle a high intensity job AND intense exercise!

If you've some cash, book a few days off and spend them abroad .. in a spa or something ☺

Fakediamond

Hi OP. Sounds like you could tackle that room for starters, you'd feel so much better when it's all clean and tidy (I know I do anyway).

Do you think you might be slipping into depression a little bit? If so, you could look at getting some support around that, your G.P. Would be a starting point and maybe look for a suitable support group? It's about getting some perspective back into your life and it sounds like your thoughts might be running on a negative loop at present and you're unable to see the bigger picture. I would just advise you not to maintain the status quo, get some help and support, take a break by all means, but not to wallow in bed, do something fun or use the time to put those supports in place.

heroics

Hi op. Originally wrote a much longer post but basically agree with what has been written here already.

Need to Limit your extra work. Make sure you are getting enough sleep and get some excercise if you can.

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BetsyEllen

Fakediamond wrote: »

Do you think you might be slipping into depression a little bit? If so, you could look at getting some support around that, your G.P.

I was going to suggest this also.

I had a bout of mild depression last year after the break up of a relationship, I became ill with the stress of that and being unhappy in my job at the same time, also combined with the death of a very close relative.

The way you mentioned not getting out of bed until very late, losing interest in previous interests, having to remind yourself to shower and a lack of appetite was exactly how it started for me as well.

It's very important that you make a concentrated effort to look after yourself more, maybe make a point of eating a good, healthy meal every day for the next week to start with. Go shopping, buy a few bits such as fish, meat, nice veggies/salad etc so you have it there.

Treat it as a gift to yourself, for all the hard work you have been doing.
Maybe book yourself in for a massage, a manicure, something like that this coming weekend.

The app 'headspace' is excellent for helping negative thoughts and feeling more positive/relaxed, only 10 minutes a day and helped me greatly. The first 10 days are free.

You don't have to give up your project entirely but definitely try to limit the time you spend on it and make sure the hours you gain aren't spent laying in bed but doing something positive that will help your frame of mind.

ms_negative

Hi everyone,

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I got out of the house and did an exercise class with some work friends yesterday, which helped a lot. I also tried to arrange to meet other friends soon just to have something to look forward to. I found that it worked for yesterday but this evening I was in a panic about needing to do project work again. It's like I can't shut off. I'm limiting myself anyway, so yesterday I didn't turn on the laptop at all after work and I'll do the same tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. Thanks again to everyone.