Sister self harming

LegacyUser

Hi there.

Going anon and will try not to post too much identifying info here, so apologies in advance if it's vague.

my younger sister is in her late teens. Over the past couple of years she has become increasingly moody, snappy, withdrawn, disinterested, etc. we have been putting it down to her being a moody teenager, but the past year in particular it's been getting progressively worse.

She is on holidays from college at the moment and has a summer job. All she does is go to work, come home and shut herself in her room with the curtains drawn constantly. She doesn't say hello to anyone, doesn't come up and eat with anyone, doesn't come up for a chat with anyone, nothing. She doesn't interect with anyone at work (she works in the same place as our mother). She has gone out once to meet friends since finishing college for the year. Our other sister recently had a baby and the child may as well not exist for all the notice my younger sister takes of him.

She recently ended up telling our mother that she self harms. She said thst she hates it here and can't wait to go back to college because "we all hate her" and she's a "bad person". My family rang our GP who said to bring her in, but she refused, saying that she went to a psychiatrist at her college and they were no help.

Don't really know what to do to help her. The way she behaves, it's as if she hates all of us. She really does not get on with our mother at all, and seems indifferent at best to the rest of us. I would have thought thst she'd know she can reach out to me at least, I'm closest in age to her and probably have most in common with her, but apparently not.


Does anyone have any advice? She can't go on like this, it's no way to live

LadyMayBelle

Im sorry to hear this- it must make home life pretty tense at times!
Is she over 18?
A strength here might be your relationship with her- if she isn't responding to her mum- I'm gonna suggest trying to leave out trying to find reasons why she is the way she currently is and maybe suggest meeting her for a coffee, or a spin, or finding a way to have a chat with her outside of home (in home if no other way). Try saying 'Ive noticed you've not been yourself lately, is everything ok?'. And listen. Regardless of how ye are treating her (well, Im assuming!), she is perceiving people as 'hating her'..don't cling on that, just maybe try an empathic response even if what she says might hurt- it's how she's feeling now, valid to others or not.
Would she be able to attend a local Jigsaw ? (www.jigsaw.ie)- not sure where ye are, but have a look. It's for 12-25 year olds, and depending on her age she can attend without your mum- no judgement mental health and general concerns support, free too. At least from there she can have a chat with a worker who might suggest she attend the gp or another service. From what i can tell, she has said she is self harming, but there's no evidence of it yet? That might be a massive cry for help.
I'd try go for that spin, or meet her after work, telling her you'd really like to spend time with her. It might take some tongue biting from you, but try it.

alaskayoung

I'm sorry to hear what you're all going through, it's not an easy situation. It can be frustrating when you can see that a person clearly needs help yet is resisting but although it can seem like they're just being difficult, it most often comes down to them being afraid, of both the unknown and change. Your sister is clearly very unhappy at the moment yet it can be easier to just continue as you are rather than put yourself through the emotional upheaval of change, even though it looks irrational from an outside perspective.

I think the best thing you can do right now is to simply be as patient and understanding as possible. It's tempting to just want to jump right in and try to solve everything as quickly as possible but acceptance of change is slow, and the change itself, even slower. Try to talk to her in a very gentle and non-pressured way and maybe she will open up and let you in on what's bothering her. Try not to be accusing or force her to say more than she wants as that'll most likely have the opposite effect to what you intend and push her away. Avoid getting into arguments or ultimatums as much as you can, even if she's behaving in not too nice a manner as it's just going to drive you apart when she really needs close support right now. Be patient and forgiving, remind yourself that this isn't really "her", she's probably just scared and unhappy.

A GP is always a great start if you can encourage her to go. She said the psychiatrist she saw wasn't helpful but remind her that that as just one person so not to write everyone off! It sounds to me like she could really benefit from seeing a therapist, maybe suggest her trying it even once and if she doesn't click with the person, try someone else until she finds someone she can be comfortable opening up to.

I've been that teenager locking herself in her room and self harming in the past and my family went through something similar. It's only looking back that I can see how so many of our arguments stemmed from both confusion and fear but one things for sure is that they never helped. Just listen as much as you can, be patient, tread gently, encourage, that's the way forward.