Family treating niece poorly, how can we help?

Sapphire

loveisdivine wrote: »

God she already won't let it drop "But why are you bringing older niece and not younger niece?" "Buy why can't I come and watch, they allow people to watch don't they?"

I know going forward that every time we try and do something with older niece, we're going to get questioned on why we're not doing anything with wonderful perfect younger niece. How about because she's a spoilt loud brat!

Instead of just thinking "Oh, that will be nice for older niece" all they are concerned about is younger niece and poor her not getting to go.

How young is the other one? Could you feign that you would be dubious that you could confidently look after such a young kid, or that you can only manage one at a time, what with not being parents yourselves and all...:p

Or I'd be tempted to just call her out on it "Ma, you are always moaning that Niece is underfoot and you get no time with Younger Niece and now we are giving you the chance to get a break from it, you wont take it!" But it might not work with her - not if she's so obtuse that she tags along like a Human Contraceptive on date night with ye.

fineso.mom

Too late this time but if you get another chance to take your niece out maybe you could engineer it that there is no room in the car? Say you have to give friends a lift on your way or something like that . Something she can't argue with.

twill

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You can't change her attitude or the way she goes about things. But you can stand firm, and 'innocently' bring the older girl out. She can go on about it all she likes. But it doesn't mean that you have to give in. Just go on like you're oblivious to the fact that she's fishing for an invite! And always with a smile

I agree with this 100%. No attempts to reason with her, as narcissists do not view reality as most people do.

Yes, I know that's an internet diagnosis, but her way of controlling some members of her family, spoiling some and demonising others is disordered behaviour.

Taltos

Just be ready for them to guilt you into bringing the younger neice by innocently having her there when you pick up the older girl. So have your reasons ready and be prepared for tears and a tantrum of "you don't love me or similar" - maybe even from the gran.

loveisdivine

To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if the MIL already said on the phone to the parents that she would bring the younger niece to watch and that's why she keeps pushing it with us.

She has a tendency to do things like that. She'll tell someone else that myself or my husband will do something before she's even asked us. Putting everyone in an awkward situation to help get what she wants.

LegacyUser

I think not having room in the car might be a good idea! Is there a friend the older girl could bring with her to fill up the car? Or you could just outright lie and say you are collecting your friend and her daughter on the way!

DO NOT GIVE IN!! If the parents say anything about the younger girl going, so no you had told the mother that it wasn't suitable for her age group. And you've arranged to give a friend a l