What does Love mean... to you?

B00!

I've been thinking about this alot lately.

If there are different types and levels of love, does being in-love mean different things too? I wonder.

Does love ever end? ...or always end?
If love is unconditional, why is romantic love sometimes selfish?

What does Love mean to you?

Wibbs

B00! wrote: »

If there are different types and levels of love, does being in-love mean different things too? I wonder.

I've always seen "in love" as equaling romantic love, that is affection with sex attached, generally speaking. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" = "I have a lot of affectionate feelings for you, but don't want to do the horizontal mambo with you"(or a way to soften the blow of dumping someone, but amounts to the same feeling).

Does love ever end? ...or always end?

Yes and yes. I mean everything ends. Love regularly ends. Otherwise the vast majority would stay with the first person they fell in love with and there would be no breakups.

If love is unconditional, why is romantic love sometimes selfish?

Love isn't unconditional. Particularly romantic love. Indeed I have found it can be quite mercenary.

What does Love mean to you?

If as the song goes love is a drug, it's one I strive to avoid as it doesn't suit me. I find it clouded my better judgement, had me make utterly stupid decisions and generally I made a fool of myself. Sure the highs are pretty good, but the hangover is a harsh buzz indeed.

marymary1984

It's a deep one all right. With television and mofmdern media, I fear love is a dying thing I'm sad to say. Shows like Love Island and Jordie Shore are more about hooking up than emotion. Thankfully this is a minority but will become more common over the coming years.
Love will become a numbers game - and get confused with romantic conquests.
I'm madly in love with my partner who is my best friend. I would kill and die for them and love every minute. For me love is the strongest emotion there is, second strongest is fear. These two emotions are the invisible hand which make the world work.

LegacyUser

This is actually something that I've been thinking about a lot recently.

I have an absolute fear of relationships. I have no "normal" relationship in my family as a barometer to judge my own relationships on, but from looking at my life as an observer, my relationships suck. Not just romantic relationships. All relationships.

I have borderline personality disorder due to some negative conditions when I was growing up. I've dealt with most of the issues, however there are still a few that I can't get my head around.

The main one being that wonderful L word.

Due to bad things that happened, I cannot be emotionally involved and intimately involved with the same person. If I develop an emotional attachment with someone and we get physical, I end things. Similarly, if I start to develop feelings for someone I'm doing the horizontal dance with, then I end things.

It's further complicated by the fact that emotionally I am attracted to females, whereas physically I am attracted to males.

I have experienced love on an emotional level. I have been in love with someone and had them be in love with me. It was nice, but it made me feel awkward and anxious that I was so emotionally invested and emotionally reliant on one person (and to have them emotionally reliant on me).

I've reached a point where I can say that I'm content in life without love currently. I have enough loving relationships in my life to tide me over for now. Perhaps in a few months / years I may develop a relationship with somebody, but I don't feel the need to define myself by a relationship.

The thing that I need to learn / understand is self love. Not in the self pleasure kind of way, but how to love myself in the way that I love others. Maybe then I'd let myself love properly and be loved.

baby and crumble

When I was younger, I thought love was this amazing thing which would solve all my problems. Growing up gay, you kind of idealise romantic and sexual love because certainly for me as a teenager in rural Ireland in the 90's it felt like something that would NEVER be part of my life.

But I've been in a relationship for 12 1/2 years now, and the love within that relationship, and how I understand it and how we both express it has changed, and no doubt it will keeping doing so.

Love isn't this magical force that exists in isolation. You have to work at love. I'm not saying slog away when you don't even like the person, or take bad behaviour because you love the person, but every day, I chose to be in love with my partner. I could chose not to be, and while it would an artificial choosing at first, I have no doubt that if we broke up, that would fade and I'd be left with another emotion to fill its place. Like friendship, hopefully, and love like I have with my friends. Likewise, I chose to love my friends and you have to work at it, by staying in contact, spending time together etc.

When I was a bit younger I also thought love had to be expressed in a very concrete way, whatever type of love it was, be in family love, friendship, or romantic. Like, I always wanted my Dad to tell me he loved me- wasn't going to happen. But I know now, having grown up a bit, that him working 3 jobs to put me through school and keep me fed and healthy was his way of loving. Accepting me when I came out, and struggling through the weird awkward patch afterwards, was his way of loving. Likewise now, volunteering to drive up from home to help me rip out all the carpets in my new house and clear the shed with me, is loving.

I have no idea if this is making any sense. oh well.

I guess in a general sense to me it means nothing more than someone becoming so important to me emotionally that I can not envision my life path going forward in any way - without them walking it with me.

In a specific sense however to me it a is a general catch all term that we apply to all kinds of emotions - despite the diversity of emotions we feel for a parent or a sibling or a child or a partner or a friend. I would say I "love" them all - but what I mean by that in each case is so diverse - that it is about as meaningful as if you asked me what I do with my spare time and I merely answered you "sport".

Liam McPoyle

She puts up with the mind meltingly annoying quirkes I have and I put up with hers.

I still get unexpected adrenaline rushes when I think of her.

She can make me properly laugh, like real, belly shaking, snorting laughter.

I see us growing old together and could never see myself with anyone else.

That's love for me.

beks101

Love is a verb to me.

I wasn't born into an overly expressive family. We don't tell each other we love each other every day. And god do we have our differences. But I've never felt less than safe, protected, cared for and at home with this handful of people with whom I share DNA and who would move mountains for me.

The little things and the big things. The selflessness. The phone calls. The favours that I don't even need to ask for. Being there when others are not. The home-cooked meals, the compliments, the advice, the unbridled pride over the littlest things. Hanging on my every word. The acceptance of me, for all my shortcomings.

In relationships, I never encountered this until my current partner. Romantic love had an expiration date. Lust and novelty were the linchpin and once those wore out, love evaporated. My OH though, he never stops calling. He doesn't walk away when the sh1t hits the fan and we work through the things that would have previously torn other relationships apart. Or at least we have to this very day. I guess knowing that nothing lasts forever, including love, is what makes it especially important to savour it and not take it for granted while it's within our grasp.

AlteredStates

Love is conditional and unconditional. Conditional in the sense you have ultimate love for yourself & therefore put your own welfare first. Eg not to put up with lies, mind games,controlling behaviour gas lghting etc Unconditional in the sense u are willing to work on things that lack love n both sides. Love is the opposite of fear is action truth & willingness. It does not hurt only helps. Its a euphoric joyous trusting bliss feeling. It makes u crazy it heals it hurts & brings happiness of the ultimate high. Its a knowingness a innate intuition that brings about a level of understanding an emotional bond like no other, an intimacy that is so deep that u reveal all of who u are whether it b good bad or indifferent. It breaks down walls and exposes the true nature of who u are. Its deep and majestic, wonderful yet calming. Its all & nothing & everything in between. It encompasses everything! It is nurturing loving kindness caring selfless giving receiving awareness, its sexual its chemistry its vibrational frequency its knowing ur with the right one ... It is all that is love!

DoozerT6

Love means nothing to me. Love happens for other people. Never for me.

To ask me, in the immortal words of Haddaway, 'what is love?', is akin to asking someone who has never travelled outside their own country what their favourite foreign holiday destination is. How would they know anything about it, only from second-hand information.

What does love mean to me? A lifetime of feeling overlooked, unattractive, and confused when everybody around me just falls into relationships, but I never found someone who liked me enough to want to date me. A lifetime of listening to everybody else talk about their partners and relationships so matter of factly, while I nod and smile without contributing, and try to change the subject. A lifetime of KNOWING that I'm missing out on something wonderful, but unable to change it. Never getting or sending a Valentines' card. Of realising that my best years are behind me and I will probably never have children. Of dreading bumping into old schoolmates and having to have that 'not married, no kids, no boyfriend' conversation while they look at me, confused as to why someone they remember as so fun and confident and full of promise has failed so completely in one of the most basic aspects of humanity: finding a mate. Like, never.

Of knowing that being single isn't the worst thing in the world by a long shot, but Jesus, the crushing loneliness sometimes.

Those of you who have love, hold onto it and appreciate it. There are those of us who never get to experience it, who drift through life like ghosts without ever making that sort of emotional impact on another person, or feeling it ourselves.

What does love mean to me? Sadly, I don't even know what it is.

B00!

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful replies. Every time I try to answer them, boards times me out...

DoozerT6 wrote: »

Love means nothing to me. Love happens for other people. Never for me.

To ask me, in the immortal words of Haddaway, 'what is love?', is akin to asking someone who has never travelled outside their own country what their favourite foreign holiday destination is. How would they know anything about it, only from second-hand information.

What does love mean to me? A lifetime of feeling overlooked, unattractive, and confused when everybody around me just falls into relationships, but I never found someone who liked me enough to want to date me. A lifetime of listening to everybody else talk about their partners and relationships so matter of factly, while I nod and smile without contributing, and try to change the subject. A lifetime of KNOWING that I'm missing out on something wonderful, but unable to change it. Never getting or sending a Valentines' card. Of realising that my best years are behind me and I will probably never have children. Of dreading bumping into old schoolmates and having to have that 'not married, no kids, no boyfriend' conversation while they look at me, confused as to why someone they remember as so fun and confident and full of promise has failed so completely in one of the most basic aspects of humanity: finding a mate. Like, never.

Of knowing that being single isn't the worst thing in the world by a long shot, but Jesus, the crushing loneliness sometimes.

Those of you who have love, hold onto it and appreciate it. There are those of us who never get to experience it, who drift through life like ghosts without ever making that sort of emotional impact on another person, or feeling it ourselves.

What does love mean to me? Sadly, I don't even know what it is.

Thank you. You echo what I've been feeling all my life, and most pointedly this week (with the schoolmates conversations and facebook posts of how incredibly happy they are with their mates and families). There's very little consolation from people who don't understand the aloneness of being overlooked, constantly. ("drifting thru like ghosts" you say - yer talking to someone who called herself "boo", for that very reason)

I am grateful love isn't confined to just the romantic kind, else I would never know it (in the limited form I do). It's my hope, no matter what you've lived through or see in yourself Doozer, that you can feel some form of love. I am and have been treated as the most worthless loser in the universe, but someone once saw more in me than I can imagine in myself. It may not've turned into a great romance, but what a feeling to see joy in someones eyes. For that, I am forever grateful and it's what I hope happens for you - you never know when or who that will be (trust me on that).

stargazing123

Love means looking at someone and smiling for no reason just because they are there and they make you very happy x

Plopsu

B00! wrote: »

Does love ever end? ...or always end?

Everything is temporary. Love is temporary. You are temporary. The planet, the sun, the universe: all temporary!

Question for those who've said they've been overlooked: have you been waiting for love to find you or actively looking for love?

DunnoKidz

Plopsu wrote: »

Everything is temporary. Love is temporary. You are temporary. The planet, the sun, the universe: all temporary!

Question for those who've said they've been overlooked: have you been waiting for love to find you or actively looking for love?

...or avoiding it? (raises hand)

While I am not in a relationship, I do not consider myself as one overlooked, nor have I ever actively sought it out. While I believe we can offer love an opportunity to bloom and nurture it's growth; seeking, avoiding or waiting is not the definitive determiner of love's appearance. It is as uncontrollable as the tides and whence it comes, we know not... But in it's presence we are forever changed.

I do not believe love is temporary. It seems the one force that gives life and sustains hope, through all of our yesterdays and tomorrows, when the rest of life's circumstances change around us... Perhaps it is what created the universe, who knows, but it is a strong enough force to pull humanity in the direction of... unselfishness.

DaeryssaOne

After almost 13 years with my best friend, love to me is just a normal evening of us curled up on the couch together watching tv and being 100% ourselves, warts and all, finding each other completely hilarious.

If anybody could see the silly rituals / secret language / pet names etc that carry on every day we would be mortified but we adore each other and like making each other happy even if we do sound like silly teenagers.

It's helping them through dark periods and knowing you can also lean on them when it's your turn.

I found it sad recently when a friend mentioned he finds marriage 'hard work' - not in that he's unhappy but he's always making sure his partner is happy, sufficiently entertained, doing activities they enjoys etc - that's not love to me, that's just trying to impress somebody.

I'm probably not making much sense here but to me it shouldn't be work, it's just being yourself and knowing if that other person wasn't with you, you might not know how to be yourself on your own. I am an independent, whole person on my own but everything is just simpler and happier with him and it's easier to just be.

dancingqueen

Love now, is completely different to what love was 10 years ago, for me. Love now is standing by someone when it gets hard, knowing you have each others back. Love now is realising that you are 100% yourself. You can say and do what you want and not an eyelid is batted, nor an eyebrow raised. Love now is feeling at home only when that person is with you. That's love, for me.