Feeling pretty betrayed...

FurtiveSway

Hi all,

I'm so hurt, lost and frustrated right now with my girlfriend that I came here to seek advice/knowledge instead of exploding at her.

She hasn't cheated, but to be honest, I feel she's done even worse.

I'm dating her 3 months, it's been incredible so far (every couple will say that anyways), and we've had great times already, incredible sex and I've always said she's like the female version of me due to her views, humour, future plans etc. 1 week ago she turned to me to tell me she had been physically abused as a child, and that ''it was OK if I wanted to leave.'' Being what I thought was loving, I told her not to worry and that ''we all have demons.'' I hugged her, and she told me she loved me. It was an incredible moment, and to be honest while I realise this was not TRUE love, I said it back in the heat of the moment. We made love and I grew extremely close to her.

A few nights ago we head to a club together for my best friends birthday. She brings her friends, I have mine, we aren't attached at the hip or anything but we do kiss in the club and dance etc. It's a fantastic night. After the club, I head back to the apartment of the birthday boy with her, just the 3 of us, and I introduce him as my best friend (he's literally like my brother). She gets to know him for all of maximum 2 hours. We sleep in his apartment and make love that night (thankfully he has thick walls).

However, the next morning she rolls over while I'm cuddling her and tells me she wants to break up! ''It's going to get worse and worse, I can't do this anymore.'' - Thinking it's her childhood issues coming to the surface, I calm her and we talk it out. We seem to get past it.

Now, the hurtful part. She's in my house recently, we're lying on my bed, with our backs against the wall, and she's using Facebook on my laptop. She's tells me she's talking to her best friend about how great a night it was and how our sex life is amazing. She shows me stuff this girl is saying, I find it amusing etc. Then I suggest as a joke to send her a message back (pretending to be her) to confuse her and whatnot, light humour. As she's handing me the laptop, she accidentally scrolls UP the screen, to messages from 2-3 days ago. Thinking nothing of it, I simply go to scroll back to the latest message so I can see the text box to type, but my heart absolutely sinks...

There is a message from the day AFTER my friends birthday that basically says she really finds him attractive, funny and wishes she met him instead.

The only reason my eyes even locked onto the message was because my friends NAME was in it, and while I didn't like how it seemed like I was reading her private stuff, as I'd never in my life do something like that, this just had to be read.

Now, I feel betrayed, hurt, resentful. I almost called her to explode at her but instead decided to breathe and seek some advice instead, more constructively.

I should be leaving this girl shouldn't I?

eeguy

Yeah...you should.

BetsyEllen

eeguy wrote: »

Yeah...you should.

+1...there's not much more to say really

Keane2baMused

First off speak to your friend, this is the longstanding, important relationship.

Gauge what he says and see if you can truly rely on him (figure out if he replied or if he pretends to know nothing)

Then the girlfriend, get rid. I wouldn't even attempt to talk that one out

BetsyEllen

Keane2baMused wrote: »

First off speak to your friend, this is the longstanding, important relationship.

Gauge what he says and see if you can truly rely on him (figure out if he replied or if he pretends to know nothing)

Then the girlfriend, get rid. I wouldn't even attempt to talk that one out

I got the impression that the message was to her friend saying she finds the other guy attractive, not to the actual guy himself...I could be wrong though, it's not absolutely clear

FurtiveSway

Keane2baMused wrote: »

First off speak to your friend, this is the longstanding, important relationship.

Gauge what he says and see if you can truly rely on him (figure out if he replied or if he pretends to know nothing)

Then the girlfriend, get rid. I wouldn't even attempt to talk that one out

The message was sent to my GF's best friend NOT to my best friend.

I already have spoken to him. Firstly, he's madly in love with a different girl, and has never found my GF attractive whatsoever. I asked him to be extra nice to her because of her past and lack of trust in males, and so he tried to be nice and make her laugh. He did not behave in anything other than a normal way, not flirty etc. He's now sick in his stomach and feels like he's betrayed me.

Keane2baMused

BetsyEllen wrote: »

I got the impression that the message was to her friend saying she finds the other guy attractive, not to the actual guy himself...I could be wrong though, it's not absolutely clear

Yep, reading back again it could well be that it just didn't jump out from the text.

Either way the result is the same.

I would probably still chat to the friend and gauge things (see if there's any reason she has had the hots for him) but there's a good chance it was all one sided and nothing to do with him.

Either way the girl should go. For the future it will be no loss to you OP, you can do better. Try and see through any emotional blackmail that may well come your way (I just wasn't thinking straight, my past is haunting me etc etc)

Keane2baMused

OP your friend has done all he can so and just reassure him he's not in the wrong.

From there it's up to you really to decide what the future holds with the girl, but it doesn't look bright.

Virgil°

This is one of these unfortunate things that can happen.

She admitted to her friend that she wasn't sure about you and also that she fancied your mate, I wouldn't say your mate was involved in this at all. It's a pretty poor thing to say and she may have reconsidered her words since.

I have to admit, I've done this too. I admitted to my best best mate that i wasn't fully sure of my commitment to my girlfriend(now ex for different reasons). I reconsidered afterwards having decided to give things a shot despite my doubts. But clearly if she had been told what I'd said I'd certainly have been dumped on the spot and I'd have understood that.

What she typed to her friend was obviously never meant for your eyes and in reality if you'd never read it things could have been different.

But you have read it and there's really no way back. You can't un-see it. And in your position I'd be devastated too. I would finish with her, as the thought that she might want to abscond at any second with my best friend would taint the relationship forever. If you can't see past it(perfectly reasonable btw) then this is the only choice IMO.

FurtiveSway

Virgil° wrote: »

This is one of these unfortunate things that can happen.

She admitted to her friend that she wasn't sure about you and also that she fancied your mate, I wouldn't say your mate was involved in this at all. It's a pretty poor thing to say and she may have reconsidered her words since.

I have to admit, I've done this too. I admitted to my best best mate that i wasn't fully sure of my commitment to my girlfriend(now ex for different reasons). I reconsidered afterwards having decided to give things a shot despite my doubts. But clearly if she had been told what I'd said I'd certainly have been dumped on the spot and I'd have understood that.

What she typed to her friend was obviously never meant for your eyes and in reality if you'd never read it things could have been different.

But you have read it and there's really no way back. You can't un-see it. And in your position I'd be devastated too. I would finish with her, as the thought that she might want to abscond at any second with my best friend would taint the relationship forever. If you can't see past it(perfectly reasonable btw) then this is the only choice IMO.

I think it hurts double when not a week before this, she tells you she ''loves'' you and you really are tricked into believing you've got solidarity and a trustworthy partner. Now, I don't trust her anymore. It appears male validation cures her hunger more than my love, and that leads me to feel like I couldn't ever truly trust her if she was away on a girls trip, etc. I guess I've answered my own question.

retro:electro

She sounds like a head melting attention seeker of the highest degree. Get rid.

Virgil°

anna080 wrote: »

She sounds like a head melting attention seeker of the highest degree. Get rid.

I'm not entirely sure that's fair. Yeah she didn't act amazingly but what she said to her friend was, presumably, in utmost confidence, horrid as it was for the OP to read.
Same as it was for myself and my ex, I was basically just thinking aloud to my closest friend, looking to be told I was being daft or otherwise. And I abhor game playing or headmelt behaviour.

You could try tell her the exact truth OP. That you were about to jokingly send the message to her friend and noticed the earlier conversation she had. Maybe see if what she has to say for herself can convince you?

For me personally I'd just break up as I'd know in my bones that I could never brush it under the carpet and move on. Only you can decide if its worth it.

FortySeven

The message wouldn't bother me too much. Just girl talk and we all fancy others.

The random breaking up talk would be a red flag for me though.

Keane2baMused

FortySeven wrote: »

The message wouldn't bother me too much. Just girl talk and we all fancy others.

The random breaking up talk would be a red flag for me though.

True, but there's a big difference between thinking/saying someone is good looking and actually saying I wish I had met the other person instead.

FurtiveSway

FortySeven wrote: »

The message wouldn't bother me too much. Just girl talk and we all fancy others.

The random breaking up talk would be a red flag for me though.

Insecurity is not an attribute I've personally struggled with. For this reason, I know that we all find others attractive in a relationship, but the words she used in this message, ''wish I met him first.'' (Instead of me) This is what killed me.

Virgil°

Keane2baMused wrote: »

True, but there's a big difference between thinking/saying someone is good looking and actually saying I wish I had met the other person instead.

Actually I kinda glanced over that. Yeah OP, no way back from that. Not a nice thing to say about you at all.

osarusan

Just find out if that message she sent to her friend was genuine or part of some joke or running gag or something.

Maybe before the party her friend had joked that she'd run into some great guy and wish she'd met him instead, and she was continuing the joke.

I know it's a long shot, but if this girl is special to you, make sure that the reason you are breaking up with her is what it seems to be.

ManOfMystery

We've all spoken to friends and maybe mused on an individual we find attractive, even when we are in a relationship. I don't think that's abnormal, and for the most part it's pretty harmless. You sometimes say things to friends you would never say out loud to a partner. You don't stop thinking other people are attractive or hot or whatever just because you're in a relationship.

But what she did wasn't just a matter of saying "Oh I never knew Furtivesway's friend was so attractive!". She's actually made a point of declaring that she wished she had met him first, so she could have pursued some kind of relationship with him. Even if it was a throwaway comment, it's still hugely disrespectful. If it's not a throwaway comment and she actually meant it (which she probably did, as she never knew you would see it) ............... then that makes you #2 on her list, not #1.

That's not something I could put up with personally. Then on top of that, there's hints of an insecure attention-seeking personality starting to emerge.

FurtiveSway

ManOfMystery wrote: »

We've all spoken to friends and maybe mused on an individual we find attractive, even when we are in a relationship. I don't think that's abnormal, and for the most part it's pretty harmless. You sometimes say things to friends you would never say out loud to a partner. You don't stop thinking other people are attractive or hot or whatever just because you're in a relationship.

But what she did wasn't just a matter of saying "Oh I never knew Furtivesway's friend was so attractive!". She's actually made a point of declaring that she wished she had met him first, so she could have pursued some kind of relationship with him. Even if it was a throwaway comment, it's still hugely disrespectful. If it's not a throwaway comment and she actually meant it (which she probably did, as she never knew you would see it) ............... then that makes you #2 on her list, not #1.

That's not something I could put up with personally. Then on top of that, there's hints of an insecure attention-seeking personality starting to emerge.

Thank you for the reply. Would I be wrong to assume that an abusive childhood could be a big factor here? I'm going to speak to her in a few minutes and based on my own feelings, and whats been said here, I think there is only one outcome.

pookie82

OP that's horrible.

It's very early days to wrestle these demons in a relationship. Is she by any chance a bit intense, in general? Opening up about her past, swapping I love yous, and then mentioning a break up in the space of a couple of weeks?

I think you need to tell her what you saw and say you can't un-see it. How would she feel in the reverse? She brings her great new bf to a mate's party and sees a day later you wish you'd met her best friend instead?

If you were maybe 3 dates in it could be somewhat passed off as "early days" light heartedness, before she got to know and love the "real you" etc. But now? After confiding in you, saying the L word, and seeming committed?

Also, if I'm reading it right, her suggestion to break up came hot on the heels of spending an evening with this friend of yours ... is she really that fickle? If she tries to play it off as a jokey remark, ask why meeting him coincided with her contemplating ending it with you.

Nah. You don't need that headf*ck.

pookie82

FurtiveSway wrote: »

Thank you for the reply. Would I be wrong to assume that an abusive childhood could be a big factor here? I'm going to speak to her in a few minutes and based on my own feelings, and whats been said here, I think there is only one outcome.

Just spotted this. I know the question is directed at someone else, but my opinion would be that this is no excuse at all.

Maybe it's the reason she's intense or changes her mind a lot.

But that doesn't change the bottom line, does it? She doesn't really sound like someone you can rely on.

Odd that one day she's telling her mate she wishes she met your friend instead and the next boasting in the same thread about your sex life? Sth isn't adding up.

Virgil°

FurtiveSway wrote: »

Thank you for the reply. Would I be wrong to assume that an abusive childhood could be a big factor here? I'm going to speak to her in a few minutes and based on my own feelings, and whats been said here, I think there is only one outcome.

I personally would not go down the road of excusing her **** behaviour on a darker detail of her past.

If you do bring up the fact that you saw this awful message as it seems you intend to then I wouldn't mention her past at all.

FurtiveSway

pookie82 wrote: »

OP that's horrible.

It's very early days to wrestle these demons in a relationship. Is she by any chance a bit intense, in general? Opening up about her past, swapping I love yous, and then mentioning a break up in the space of a couple of weeks?

I think you need to tell her what you saw and say you can't un-see it. How would she feel in the reverse? She brings her great new bf to a mate's party and sees a day later you wish you'd met her best friend instead?

If you were maybe 3 dates in it could be somewhat passed off as "early days" light heartedness, before she got to know and love the "real you" etc. But now? After confiding in you, saying the L word, and seeming committed?

Also, if I'm reading it right, her suggestion to break up came hot on the heels of spending an evening with this friend of yours ... is she really that fickle? If she tries to play it off as a jokey remark, ask why meeting him coincided with her contemplating ending it with you.

Nah. You don't need that headf*ck.

I've dated women before, but for one reason or another, I've accepted it just wasn't working out. With this girl, it has almost seemed ''too good'' to be true. We got sexual very quickly, and on our first date (after a month of texting since she was out of the country) she wanted to have sex. I didn't know if this was a red flag or not, but I just kept my mouth shut, but I was not honestly expecting the father/abuse thing, especially so early etc. It has absolutely been very intense to this point.

ChampagnePop

Are you still together? I'm very confused.

FurtiveSway

ChampagnePop wrote: »

Are you still together? I'm very confused.

Yes, I chose to give her a second chance on the premise that everyone deserves a second chance but nobody deserves a third. However, when I gave her a second chance, it was the evening after she asked to break up (she came back apologetic), but since I've spotted this message, my feelings have changed, and my gut has dropped about 10 stories!

ChampagnePop

FurtiveSway wrote: »

Yes, I chose to give her a second chance on the premise that everyone deserves a second chance but nobody deserves a third. However, when I gave her a second chance, it was the evening after she asked to break up (she came back apologetic), but since I've spotted this message, my feelings have changed, and my gut has dropped about 10 stories!

Were you together when that message was sent?

Keane2baMused

FurtiveSway wrote: »

I've dated women before, but for one reason or another, I've accepted it just wasn't working out. With this girl, it has almost seemed ''too good'' to be true. We got sexual very quickly, and on our first date (after a month of texting since she was out of the country) she wanted to have sex. I didn't know if this was a red flag or not, but I just kept my mouth shut, but I was not honestly expecting the father/abuse thing, especially so early etc. It has absolutely been very intense to this point.

First date sex is not a red flag for anyone, nor is her telling you something about her past. Obviously she felt she could open up to you so she told you.

Neither of which have anything to do with your relationship going south (to my mind).

FurtiveSway

ChampagnePop wrote: »

Were you together when that message was sent?

Yes.

A general timeline:

Day 1 - We go out clubbing together/Meets my best mate.
Day 2 - She breaks up with me (following morning).
Day 2 - She comes back apologetic and I agree to give her a second chance (that evening).
Day 3 - I see the message.

B.A._Baracus

Hey man,
For what it is worth my heart sank a little too reading that line in your first post. It's just a horrible thing for you to read.

Look let's be honest here... There's some red flags popping up. I can only be blunt so it's quite apprenant she is a head-wrecker. Going from sharing intimate secrets, to wanting to break up, to saying how she wish she met your friend instead (all in a very close time frame)

^ All that is enough to breakup with her. That's head-wrecker of the highest order. But to be blunt, I don't even believe the abuse story one bit. I fear you may be dating an emotional user as well. In any case, break up and run.

Big Bag of Chips

You need to trust your gut instinct.
I'm going to go ahead and assume you're both pretty young. Maybe a bit immature and inexperienced. I remember one time, in my young, immature, inexperienced days, telling my boyfriend (who became my husband afterwards!) About a friend of mine who was gay. This fella was just such a decent, nice, lovely fella. I said, to my then boyfriend, that this fella was lovely, and if he wasn't gay I'd be in love with him!!

I said that to my boyfriend of the time!! And then I couldn't understand why he was upset at me!! I meant it purely as a compliment to this lad that he was genuinely a decent fella. That he had recently come out and was afraid of people's reactions, but people were just so happy for him. In my mind I knew what I meant! In my boyfriend's mind, he was second choice because the fella I really wanted wasn't available to me!

20 years later I can see why my boyfriend interpreted it the way he did! At the time I just kept explaining it with "you know what I mean"!!

Just because she said that doesn't mean she actually meant it literally. And just so you know, she's going out with you, but she will still find other people attractive. As will you. It's whether or not you act on the attraction that would be a problem.

In saying all that... If your gut is telling you something about this girl, listen to it. If more people did, there'd be less need for forums like these!!

timmy880

It's only been 3 months and she wants to be with your friend. Yes you should leave. Immediately. Why you're even doubting this is beyond me.

FortySeven

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Hey man,
For what it is worth my heart sank a little too reading that line in your first post. It's just a horrible thing for you to read.

Look let's be honest here... There's some red flags popping up. I can only be blunt so it's quite apprenant she is a head-wrecker. Going from sharing intimate secrets, to wanting to break up, to saying how she wish she met your friend instead (all in a very close time frame)

^ All that is enough to breakup with her. That's head-wrecker of the highest order. But to be blunt, I don't even believe the abuse story one bit. I fear you may be dating an emotional user as well.

It does seem this way op. As I said, I could forgive the message as girl talk but the evidence when taken together points to problems.

Beware the suicide threats on break up.

ChampagnePop

FurtiveSway wrote: »

Yes.

A general timeline:

Day 1 - We go out clubbing together/Meets my best mate.
Day 2 - She breaks up with me (following morning).
Day 2 - She comes back apologetic and I agree to give her a second chance (that evening).
Day 3 - I see the message.

I asked when it was sent, not when you saw it. If she sent it befor she tried to get back with you it would explain why she dumped you so suddenly, I'm not saying you should forgive her but at least you can understand her motives.
If she's from a childhood of abuse she likely sabotages her happiness a lot, that's not to say you should put up with it, but it might be helpful to understand.

FurtiveSway

Well, that didn't go smoothly, as expected.

She just completely went onto the defensive, almost embarrassingly so. I asked her straight out does she like him, she replied laughably with, ''No, ugh, he's just not good looking at all.''

Then I tell her I've seen the messages, and she immediately goes silent, then starts crying (tell tale sign of guilt to me), and proceeds to tell me she was also SEXUALLY abused as a child? She goes into great depth, almost to pull at my heart strings in pity for her, and not for a second has she fooled me, what on earth does that have to do with anything?

She says she never felt physical attraction to him, and her best friend told her to try imagining her doing ''stuff'' with him to which she said she was repulsed. However, I'm not buying it, gut instinct kicking in, and she admits she also messaged another girl saying something similar, which also ended with ''why didn't I meet him first? ''

If all of that isn't bad enough, she tells me my MATE was flirting with her! I ask her why, because he bought her a drink and was extra nice to her. I know 110% he wasn't flirting, this is the beauty of a best friend, and she got angry I didn't believe her, and before I could say anymore, hung up and her phone is now off.

This is over.

Dark Phoenix

sorry OP but thats appalling behaviour on her part. Im sorry if she was abused but its not a trump card to pull out everytime shes pulled up on bad behaviour. Her commenting on a guy being good looking wuold have been fine but her saying she wishes she met him first - no thats too far. Also very telling is her response to being challenged on it - defensive, lying and then when caught out lying, trying to shft the blame to anyone and everyone else.

FurtiveSway

Dark Phoenix wrote: »

sorry OP but thats appalling behaviour on her part. Im sorry if she was abused but its not a trump card to pull out everytime shes pulled up on bad behaviour. Her commenting on a guy being good looking wuold have been fine but her saying she wishes she met him first - no thats too far. Also very telling is her response to being challenged on it - defensive, lying and then when caught out lying, trying to shft the blame to anyone and everyone else.

I'm just shocked at how well she concealed all these 'negative' traits. I honestly didn't sense any of this since we met, but in the last week, everything has spilled out onto the table. I guess the dating process should have been a lot longer. The worst part is, I honestly don't even know if I should believe her abuse story to be honest.

Next time I contact her, I am going to let her go, and damn even with all this drama, that hurts a lot.

B.A._Baracus

That's the spirit. End it and never look back.
You dodged a bullet. She immediately goes into defense mode and mentions the 'abuse' story yet again. Mate, she's mad and I don't mean ha ha funny but mad mad.

For what it's worth I've met the type before. Starts out great, comes off as lovely then head wrecking and hot and cold stuff begins. Followed by serious dark secrets from the past. Always used as an emotional tool.

JJayoo

OP is this your first relationship?

FurtiveSway

JJayoo wrote: »

OP is this your first relationship?

Yes. She's the 8th-9th girl I've dated, but incredibly, the first I thought was worth going further with, to my regret.

ManOfMystery

FurtiveSway wrote: »

Thank you for the reply. Would I be wrong to assume that an abusive childhood could be a big factor here? I'm going to speak to her in a few minutes and based on my own feelings, and whats been said here, I think there is only one outcome.

Sorry man, I only saw your reply there now. I see you've already spoken to her so have made your mind up anyway.

For what it's worth, if the abusive childhood story is true, then that could be a factor in her behaviour. However, with that said, I don't for one minute think that people can do what they like and just excuse it all by blaming it on something in their past. Many have gone through abuse and trauma and worse, and still managed to become happy, dependable and loyal people at the end.

I might get lambasted for this, but I also think it's strange that she was so quick to jump into the stories of sexual abuse when you called her up on what she wrote. I am close to 2 people who have gone through similar and whilst they are open to discussing it, it's not something they want to throw into conversation or immediately blame for mistakes they have made.

FortySeven

FurtiveSway wrote: »

Yes. She's the 8th-9th girl I've dated, but incredibly, the first I thought was worth going further with, to my regret.

Don't worry fella, there will be better. Regrets come with the territory. You'll have an album by the time you're done.

Don't ever consider sex on the first date as a bad thing by the way. That's very old fashioned.

FurtiveSway

FortySeven wrote: »

Don't worry fella, there will be better. Regrets come with the territory. You'll have an album by the time you're done.

Don't ever consider sex in the first date as a bad thing by the way. That's very old fashioned.

Thanks for the advice man. She's just sent me 4 texts one after another, and one of them says, ''you think I didn't love you? But you were my first? (Virginity).''

(I'm 24, she's 20)

Virgil°

FurtiveSway wrote: »

Yes. She's the 8th-9th girl I've dated, but incredibly, the first I thought was worth going further with, to my regret.

It really feels horrible now but you've done yourself a tremendous favour. You might never realise just how great a favour it is.

Too often you'll see posters here (probably with far more experience than yourself) who either don't have the cop on or are too afraid to cut their losses. Unfortunately for them they'll have marriages/ kids / houses in the mix which makes it next to impossible to sever these toxic people from their lives. You don't even have to look past the first page here to find it.

Abuse/depression/traumatic past stories are common themes and used by the posters to excuse truly awful behaviour in their partners. For a moment in your replies i feared you would go down this path. I actually breathed a sigh of relief on your behalf reading your update.

Your conviction here will reward you tenfold OP. You'll know to recognise this trap in future and it'll help you on the road to finding the right girl. Chin up.

daisybelle2008

FurtiveSway wrote: »

Thanks for the advice man. She's just sent me 4 texts one after another, and one of them says, ''you think I didn't love you? But you were my first? (Virginity).''

(I'm 24, she's 20)

OP, this is just manipulation, don't take the bait. Just politely tell her it's best that you don't communicate anymore. She seems emotionally unstable, you have had a lucky escape.

retro:electro

Wow she sounds incredibly manipulative and the way she used the sexual abuse as a trump card for her behaviour is just disgusting. Op there are some girls out there who just thrive on drama and cannot be trusted. They are manipulative to the core and this girl is one of them.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Bullet dodged OP, stick to your guns. Ring or text her and state clearly that it's over, you won't be contacting her again and won't be responding to contact from her. Any deviation from that path will draw this out massively.

FurtiveSway

This is my first break up, and already I see a few things being tough.

I've blocked her on WhatsApp, Snapchat, Text (Phone) and Facebook, but do you guys have any tips for getting my mind off her? I had a habit once of checking her Instagram because I loved seeing her happy etc, so maybe I'm best to put the electronics away for a month or so?

racso1975

FurtiveSway wrote: »

This is my first break up, and already I see a few things being tough.

I've blocked her on WhatsApp, Snapchat, Text (Phone) and Facebook, but do you guys have any tips for getting my mind off her? I had a habit once of checking her Instagram because I loved seeing her happy etc, so maybe I'm best to put the electronics away for a month or so?

If this helps do it but to be honest you need to be strong and just not be creeping on her. The bottom line is she is not a nice person and sounds unhinged. Why be thinking about what you lost? think about how lucky you were to get out!!!

If you are the type that does silly things like text drunk etc then put the stuff away.

Also think about getting yourself back in the game there are a lot of lovely ladies out there do not let this experience put you off or become overly negative. Chalk it down to experience we all have it

B.A._Baracus

FurtiveSway wrote: »

This is my first break up, and already I see a few things being tough.

I've blocked her on WhatsApp, Snapchat, Text (Phone) and Facebook, but do you guys have any tips for getting my mind off her? I had a habit once of checking her Instagram because I loved seeing her happy etc, so maybe I'm best to put the electronics away for a month or so?

Honestly, do your best not to look at her Facebook etc. We've all done it with an ex but it just belongs the healing process.

Set a goal for yourself and stick by it. Be that staying away from things for two weeks, a month, you decide.
But best advice is just cut all contact and don't second guess your decision.

Sunflower 27

quote="anna080;100248463"]She sounds like a head melting attention seeker of the highest degree. Get rid.[/quote]

I'm not sure if this is entirely fair. I remember being in my 20s and finding my boyfriend's friends attractive. It isn't a crime. It doesnt mean she is a horrible person.

She did the decent thing admitting she wants to end the relationship and who in fairness would say to their partner "it's because I fancy your mate more".

Op, it hurts, but she is entitled to how she feels. Best you find out now than in ,six months. Sorry you are hurting.

retro:electro

Sunflower 27 wrote: »

quote="anna080;100248463"]She sounds like a head melting attention seeker of the highest degree. Get rid.

I'm not sure if this is entirely fair. I remember being in my 20s and finding my boyfriend's friends attractive. It isn't a crime. It doesnt mean she is a horrible person.

She did the decent thing admitting she wants to end the relationship and who in fairness would say to their partner "it's because I fancy your mate more".

Op, it hurts, but she is entitled to how she feels. Best you find out now than in ,six months. Sorry you are hurting.[/quote]


She didn't just say this though, she said she wished she met him first so she could be with him instead. Would you be happy if your boyfriend said he wished he met your best friend first so he could be with her instead of you?