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Helping a friend

  • 03-07-2016 9:15pm
    #1
    Anon2013
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 62 ✭✭


    Hi,
    I have a male friend who is looking to leave a relationship they have been in for about 2 years. The person he is in this relationship with has a lot of mental health issues. She has threatened in the past to kill herself if he leaves her. They have been going through a rocky patch for quite a while.

    Having dealt with mental health issues in the past, I feel she is using suicede as a blackmailing technique to keep him in the relationship. I also feel that, that kind of pressure should not be on him.

    He has asked me for advice on what he should do/how best to break it off with her. I think perhaps he should tell someone she is saying this before he breaks up with her.
    Anyone have any ideas?
    Thanks


Comments

  • #2
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    When he breaks up with her, he should call her family about the threats, and the Gardai too. I've had to do it before, and the police went up to his house and made sure he was okay. If she's perfectly fine, they'll call and tell him. if she's mentally unstable, they'll get her to hospital.

    She'll be fine.


  • #3
    Sapphire
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 390 ✭✭Sapphire


    Anyone I've ever known (and there have been a few!) who had an ex like this, have eventually moved on and their ex is as hale and hearty as they were in the beginning of the relationship. Not a single one ever followed through. Even if she did attempt it after the break up - its NOT his fault. Honestly. She is responsible for her own actions.

    The breakup should be kind but firm. No "lets be friends" etc because that way true headfcukery lies for him. Quick and clean. If possible, he should go to ground - stay with a friend or somewhere she wont be able to track him down. Get him to temporarily deactivate social media so he's uncontactable through those channels. If he lets a family member /close friend of hers know afterwards - a quick call, just "hey, just so you know I broke up with X. She's threatened to harm herself but I'm the least appropriate person to help her right now. I'll be blocking her and if she calls I'll just contact the gardai or her parents. It's better this way for her"

    Ex's like this turn up at workplaces, or at family homes. I even know of one who travelled to a different country to track down her ex. She will call and say she's taken something/ throwing herself in harms way and expect that he returns to her like a Romeo & Juliet moment. The only way forward is for him to ring her dad / sister/ best friend gardai every single time she makes a threat to self harm. He needs to stay firm and not budge - rip the band aid off and all that. He cant stay friends because that gives her false hope that he will eventually come back and it could end up that she tries to get pregnant, or pretends to accept being friends but all hell will break loose the minute she hears he's moved on. But, a few months on, most of the drama will pass.

    You can tell I'm an old hand at this, cant you??


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