Don't like having sex with new guy

LegacyUser

Ive been seeing this guy about 3 months and I really like him. We get on well etc but so far I don't like having sex with him. I am attracted to him, I fantasize about him when I'm not with him and I really enjoy spending time with him. But when we're in bed I feel uncomfortable, not horny at all, nearly repulsed by kissing. I have to try to seem into it because I really do like him and want it to work out. Not sure what to think. Should I give this time and maybe I will fall for him more and the sex will get better?

I'm not experienced in relationships so I don't know if this is normal or not, I'd like to hear other people opinions?

Mr. Incognito

Sex is animal chemistry- have it or you dont.

If its not there it'll never be there unfortunately.

Xterminator

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Sex is animal chemistry- have it or you dont.

If its not there it'll never be there unfortunately.

I dont completely buy that line.

but OP if you dont know what is the problem; how can you work on it?

Or do you know what the problem is but just don't want to share it with the world?

If for instance it was personal hygiene, and kissing him was repulsive for that reason, you could absolutely have a frank talk, and see if things improve.

leggo

It's tough and having an honest chat can go badly because sex is such a sensitive subject: we all like to think we're amazing and satisfying our partners and to take the illusion away from someone could potentially devastate them.

As has already been said, it really depends what exactly is the problem. If you can expand on it maybe we can give specific ways of tackling it with him. Is it a problem with him or how you feel within yourself? Have you had this problem before with other partners? Or is it the quality or specifics aspects you're uncomfortable with?

stop animal cruelty

I'm in a similar enough position to u op, I love kissing the guy, but when we went to full way...only once so far, I wasn't one bit turned on. Now I have a feeling it was just anxiety/nerves, plus I'm quiet conscious of my stomach....and I am highly attracted to him!

Maybe u felt a bit anxious?

Next time, I plan to let it happen more slowly, and just relax....and maybe not expect too much, I think I expected it to be the best yet!

gaynorvader

Perhaps you're a girl that just takes a bit more foreplay to get going? Everyone is different, so it's hard to say, especially as you have no/few past experiences to draw on.

ted1

Have you had many partners in the past and how was it with them. If it's just bad you may need to guide him. Don't be afraid to tell him what you like and how to do it.

Ignatius in bloom

The question most important is: Is it you or him causing this? The reason i ask is that you fantasise about him when he is not there but when he is there you are nearly repulsed by him? What changes in that fantasy that puts you in a position of repulsion when he is beside you?

LegacyUser

I have to say - I'm a young guy in my early 30s. I've had a few relationships with women where the first sexual encounter was nonexistent. I had trouble getting it up and keeping it up.

Purely down to nerves.... and anxiety from previous relationships...

Fast forward two or three weeks and we had the most amazing sex ever - in a couple of cases. ")

Give it time you never know what might happen..

Dixie Chick

I think the above poster could be right, seeing as you fantasize about him...maybe you get defensive when you are in bed and decide he is repulsive and push him away?

If that isnt the case then there is little point of carrying on