Help me talk to my mother.....

Sylvia88

Hi *waves* im 28 years old and a little over 15 stone, standing at 5ft 3inches. Ever since I can remember my mother has been pushy about my weight... and the more she pushed the more weight I put on. I have a family wedding in July. Last night my mother handed me weight loss tablets stating "you're not losing enough weight quick enough" when I explain that she hurts my feelings she tells me I am being over dramatic and making excuses for not losing weight.

What can I do to show my mother that her words hurt and she isnt helping me lose weight. 2 months ago I ended up in hospital because I didnt eat for 5 days. She doesnt believe me that I didnt eat because... I didnt lose any weight.

I need help with her.

spurious

Firstly, if you would like to lose weight, you could do a lot worse than join somewhere like weight watchers. They have groups all over the country. The people there ate very supportive and if you follow their programme you WILL lose weight. You will also learn why stopping eating or eating very little can sometimes result in a weight gain.

Secondly, your mother cares about you. Her methods are clumsy, but she is trying to help you by getting you healthier.

Good luck with it. You won't have lost the extra weight by July but by July twelve months you certainly could have.

Stay away from weight loss tablets.

looksee

Hi, Sylvia, welcome to O&O. I am interested that you chose to post in this particular forum (this is me speaking as me not as a mod), there is no problem about raising it here, but you do seem to be seeing it as something that reflects your mother's age and that we as 'oul ones' might understand her problem.

I don't think it has anything to do with her age. People are people at any age, and can be hurtful or bossy or controlling. She has (presumably) reared a family and became accustomed to the fact that for young children a parent has to know best. Both parents and children usually grow out of this, but occasionally they do not.

You are an adult and need to respond as an adult. Simply do not take on board anything she says about your weight. Do not respond or react. Do not go off seething with annoyance, if she makes a comment on your weight just say calmly and firmly 'I am dealing with it' and refuse to engage further. Change the subject. It is arguable that she is concerned for your health, but she should be invited to comment on your health, not nag you about it.

It sounds as though you might still be at home; if you can possibly make other arrangements it would give you the opportunity to create your own lifestyle and become independent. Go and talk to your doctor about your weight issues, you know yourself that simply not eating is not a solution to anything, and could make things worse. Get some professional advice and some tests done. Good luck.

Johnboy1951

Sylvia88 wrote: »

<snip>
What can I do to show my mother that her words hurt and she isnt helping me lose weight. <snip>

My idea:

I think the best thing you could try is to write a letter, explaining how you feel about what is happening, most definitely not blaming anyone, but being clear and concise. You should probably take several days writing and editing it, to ensure it is worded in a manner not to cause further argument.
Finish that letter with a wish not to discuss its contents for several days after it has been read.

Then sit down face to face and explain without rancour or tears that you want it to stop, and you will in future not engage on the subject.

I believe this will cause your mother to think about it and maybe engage with you on it.

I wish you luck

beer enigma

You need support rather than pressure, really feel for you.

Weight loss tablets are certainly not the way to go, anything that artificially induces weight loss can cause more harm than good. As Spurious mentioned, there are plenty of groups around the country that will not only help you in your journey, but also provide support from the other members. My wife is a consultant for one of them & trust me in the times I've helped out, there are many members with very similar stories such as yours. Peer pressure is hard enough on its own, let alone when you are trying to lose weight.

My advice for what its worth is to make a call to one of the groups close to you & go along to see how it runs. It can be a bit nervy first day, but once you get chatting to the others it can turn into as much of a social occasion as a weight loss journey.

Really hope it all works out well for you & remember this is for you rather than for your mother.

unkel

spurious wrote: »

Firstly, if you would like to lose weight, you could do a lot worse than join somewhere like weight watchers. They have groups all over the country. The people there ate very supportive

Best Freudian I've seen in quite some time

Sound advice though.

Sylvia - I know this is easier said than done, but please try not to let anyone put you under pressure to lose weight. And don't put yourself under pressure either. It ain't gonna happen before July and don't be foolish using those dangerous pills again.

As the others said, join a group like the Weight Watchers or Slimming World. You might be surprised to find a lot of other nice people like yourself in those groups. Just join up and go with the flow. And take it from there.

Rubecula

Exercise always helps with weight loss if you are serious about it. ANd it is very enjoyable once you get into it. If your mum is fit and healthy enough perhaps you can go jogging together, or join a gym. I bet if your mum is fit and healthy you will soon overtake her.

If you can not go with your mum ask one of your girlfriends to go with you.