Religous preferences for your partner?

beach_walker

Just wondering about what are posters thoughts on a potential partners religion (or lack thereof) when looking for a relationship. I'll go out on a limb and say that most people would be looking for a Christian bf/gf at least (or am I wrong?) but does it boil down to being the same denomination for you? What do you think of the differences that may raise their heads in any of these scenarios down the line?

Would be interested to hear yer experiences in this.

I ask after talking about a friend of mine's experience recently. She's a Baptist and pretty set on a potential boyfriend being one too. Was complaining, well expressing frustration is probably fairer to say, over the fact that this makes things harder for her to meet somebody. It's a fair point in today's society but fair play, she's sticking to her guns.

Myself, I was pretty set on any girl I'd have a relationship with being a practicing Christian. I think the differences in lifestyle and future plans (family etc.) with a non-believer would be too much. I really hadn't drilled down in the whole denomination thing but it's not an issue now as I'm going out with a fellow Catholic for the past few months.

Mrs OBumble

When I was young enough to have kids, it was a factor.

Now I'm not, it's not. All I expect is respect for my beliefs and practices. And naturally I give the same.

hinault

beach_walker wrote: »

Just wondering about what are posters thoughts on a potential partners religion (or lack thereof) when looking for a relationship. I'll go out on a limb and say that most people would be looking for a Christian bf/gf at least (or am I wrong?) but does it boil down to being the same denomination for you? What do you think of the differences that may raise their heads in any of these scenarios down the line?

Would be interested to hear yer experiences in this.

I ask after talking about a friend of mine's experience recently. She's a Baptist and pretty set on a potential boyfriend being one too. Was complaining, well expressing frustration is probably fairer to say, over the fact that this makes things harder for her to meet somebody. It's a fair point in today's society but fair play, she's sticking to her guns.

Myself, I was pretty set on any girl I'd have a relationship with being a practicing Christian. I think the differences in lifestyle and future plans (family etc.) with a non-believer would be too much. I really hadn't drilled down in the whole denomination thing but it's not an issue now as I'm going out with a fellow Catholic for the past few months.

Quite a few of my Catholic blood relatives married people who were non-Catholic.
In some cases it was a marriage to someone who is protestant, in other cases it was marriage to someone of no belief.

In all cases their children have been raised Catholic.

I guess any decision to get married to someone who doesn't adhere to a system of belief requires discussion to see if some sort of compromise can be found.

In my own case this was never an issue because my wife is Catholic.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

Although I say I'm open-minded, if I thought the person whose job it was to see to all my sexual and many of my emotional needs, believed in an imaginary man in the sky, I would not be reassured.

beach_walker

Rosalie Thankful Radioactivity wrote: »

Although I say I'm open-minded, if I thought the person whose job it was to see to all my sexual and many of my emotional needs, believed in an imaginary man in the sky, I would not be reassured.

What exactly are you hoping for here? Why do you and the other posters do this, are you getting a kick out of hanging around the Christian forum and posting in threads which quite clearly aren't aimed at anything remotely in which you'd be interested in?

You remind me of the "grr, bogball and stick fighting are <snip>" posters whom occasionally crawl into the GAA forum.

The odd time you give this forum a chance and it's the same old, same old.

beach_walker

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

When I was young enough to have kids, it was a factor.

Now I'm not, it's not. All I expect is respect for my beliefs and practices. And naturally I give the same.

hinault wrote: »

...

In all cases their children have been raised Catholic.

I guess any decision to get married to someone who doesn't adhere to a system of belief requires discussion to see if some sort of compromise can be found

Aye, I guess children are one of the main factors in this whole situation. I guess compromise can be the name of the game, I'd love to hear from someone who's child was raised in a different denomination, must be tough in a way?

I must say that for regular services and events, it's quite nice to be able to accompany your partner to these. Having that now, it's something I think I'd really be missing out on where I going out with a non-Catholic.

homer911

If your beliefs are important to you, then your potential partner's beliefs should also be important to you. These constant references to one partner being x, the other being y and the children being raised as x, y or z generally apply to those who have nothing more than a nominal faith and smack of one side of the relationship exercising controlling influence over the other, which doesn't sound like a comfortable place to be in.


Examples of women nominally converting to Islam, only for their husband to take their children out of the country to live with his Islamic parents show how this controlling influence can be taken to extremes

eviltwin

My husband is Catholic. I'm atheist. It's not a deal breaker and we've never had any issues thankfully. Our kids are not baptised and not in Catholic school. We both agree that religion is a deeply personal thing that everyone needs to find for themselves.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

beach_walker wrote:

The odd time you give this forum a chance and it's the same old, same old.

It just comes up on my phone as the latest thread commented in.

Matt Markinson

beach_walker wrote: »

Just wondering about what are posters thoughts on a potential partners religion (or lack thereof) when looking for a relationship. I'll go out on a limb and say that most people would be looking for a Christian bf/gf at least (or am I wrong?) but does it boil down to being the same denomination for you? What do you think of the differences that may raise their heads in any of these scenarios down the line?

Would be interested to hear yer experiences in this.

I ask after talking about a friend of mine's experience recently. She's a Baptist and pretty set on a potential boyfriend being one too. Was complaining, well expressing frustration is probably fairer to say, over the fact that this makes things harder for her to meet somebody. It's a fair point in today's society but fair play, she's sticking to her guns.

Myself, I was pretty set on any girl I'd have a relationship with being a practicing Christian. I think the differences in lifestyle and future plans (family etc.) with a non-believer would be too much. I really hadn't drilled down in the whole denomination thing but it's not an issue now as I'm going out with a fellow Catholic for the past few months.

For such questions you might be better to seek out a Christian forum and ask there.

Cabaal

Matt Markinson wrote: »

For such questions you might be better to seek out a Christian forum and ask there.

err, this is a christian forum

smacl

beach_walker wrote: »

I ask after talking about a friend of mine's experience recently. She's a Baptist and pretty set on a potential boyfriend being one too. Was complaining, well expressing frustration is probably fairer to say, over the fact that this makes things harder for her to meet somebody. It's a fair point in today's society but fair play, she's sticking to her guns.

Always going to be difficult when you're part of a minority group; is your friend realistically going to cut out such a huge proportion of the population as potential partners? As an atheist, most of my girlfriends have been Catholic, and my wife is a lapsed Catholic. As Mrs O'Bumble pointed out, respect of the other persons beliefs is important, and in my opinion compromise is key to any long term relationship. Twenty six years and two kids later, seems to be working out well enough for us. I think it will always boil down to the person more than their nominal religious affiliation, and know a number of couples with mixed religious backgrounds. A good marker for me is that you don't want the other person to change to suit your beliefs and likewise they wouldn't want to change you. Opposites attract and all that jazz.

The whole thing with kids is possibly overplayed too. Parents and grandparents are always going to love the kids when they arrive and very little else matters. They also help bind families, so while my mother in-law is a staunch Catholic, she's been great helping out with the kids over the years and we enjoy a stoic few jars most Sunday's arguing the toss over all sorts of things. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Delirium

Rosalie Thankful Radioactivity wrote: »

Although I say I'm open-minded, if I thought the person whose job it was to see to all my sexual and many of my emotional needs, believed in an imaginary man in the sky, I would not be reassured.

MOD NOTE

Please remember you're posting in the Christianity forum and that what you posted isn't appropriate for this forum.

Please raise the standard of your contributions in any future contributions.

Thanks for your attention.

uck51js9zml2yt

hinault wrote: »

.

In my own case this was never an issue because my wife is Catholic.

Always though hinault was a priest... learn something new every day:)

My marriage plans were constrained. By the scripture "don't be joined with an unbeliever. What does light and darkness have in common or righteousness with unrighteousness" ( paraphrased)
So for me it was a spirit filled, walking with God, Christian.

It took the Berlin wall to fall to meet her, but God does these sort of things:)

Mrs OBumble

Rosalie Thankful Radioactivity wrote: »

if I thought the person whose job it was to see to all my sexual and many of my emotional needs, believed in an imaginary man in the sky.

An interesting concept you have of marriage.

solodeogloria

Good evening!

There's some points in here that get a bit candid and perhaps a bit personal but I think sharing life is a normal response to this.

I'm very strict on this. Christians only and preferably a Christian with an evangelical outlook.

It isn't only a Biblical model but it is a logical model. I'd drive an atheist mad I suspect and I want to be married with someone who understands me.

I'm also mindful that the Lord might not give me a partner to be with in that way. I'm happy to serve God in that way if that's what He has in store for me. Single people do a great deal of service in churches. They get alongside you. There's more opportunities to spend time with people and there's a better opportunity to focus on the Lord. At least that's what Paul has said in the past.

I think our churches can (sometimes out of good intentions) lead us to worship marriage. I've found myself in that place particularly when relationships end. It's very easy to idolise your partner in the place of God. The Bible is very clear that singleness can be a gift from God.

Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 says that he actually recommends singleness to the Christian where possible so that they wont be divided between the Lord and other interests.

Marriage is also a massive commitment. For the husband it means loving your wife as the Lord Jesus loves the church (sacrificially and potentially to death) and for the wife it means submitting to your husband. That's controversial and countercultural and challenging!

I'd love to delve into this closer though if you've got anything you'd like to challenge me on or if you've got questions about what practically speaking navigating these questions can look like.

Much thanks in the Lord Jesus Christ,
solodeogloria

hinault

solodeogloria wrote: »

Marriage is also a massive commitment. For the husband it means loving your wife as the Lord Jesus loves the church (sacrificially and potentially to death) and for the wife it means submitting to your husband. That's controversial and countercultural and challenging!

I agree with this.

Marriage is a huge commitment. One is placing their entire future in to the trust of another person, and likewise they are doing the same with regard to you.

Us men by instinct are promiscuous. Our nature tells us to chase this girl and that girl, often at the same time! So marriage and monogamy are a complete contradiction to our instinct. And this is where marriage needs divine grace in order for the marriage to be fruitful, happy and true.

When marriage is happy and true, then it is the greatest of states to be in.
Unfortunately when the marriage is not happy or not true it can be a very hard station.

smacl

solodeogloria wrote: »

I'd drive an atheist mad I suspect and I want to be married with someone who understands me.

Women drive men mad, its par for the course. Equally true for men and women, women and other women and men and other men. If your partner doesn't drive you mad, you've got the wrong person; it'll never last (as my mother in-law once said of me)

eviltwin

solodeogloria wrote: »

Good evening!

There's some points in here that get a bit candid and perhaps a bit personal but I think sharing life is a normal response to this.

I'm very strict on this. Christians only and preferably a Christian with an evangelical outlook.

It isn't only a Biblical model but it is a logical model. I'd drive an atheist mad I suspect and I want to be married with someone who understands me.

I'm also mindful that the Lord might not give me a partner to be with in that way. I'm happy to serve God in that way if that's what He has in store for me. Single people do a great deal of service in churches. They get alongside you. There's more opportunities to spend time with people and there's a better opportunity to focus on the Lord. At least that's what Paul has said in the past.

I think our churches can (sometimes out of good intentions) lead us to worship marriage. I've found myself in that place particularly when relationships end. It's very easy to idolise your partner in the place of God. The Bible is very clear that singleness can be a gift from God.

Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 says that he actually recommends singleness to the Christian where possible so that they wont be divided between the Lord and other interests.

Marriage is also a massive commitment. For the husband it means loving your wife as the Lord Jesus loves the church (sacrificially and potentially to death) and for the wife it means submitting to your husband. That's controversial and countercultural and challenging!

I'd love to delve into this closer though if you've got anything you'd like to challenge me on or if you've got questions about what practically speaking navigating these questions can look like.

Much thanks in the Lord Jesus Christ,
solodeogloria

You could potentially let someone amazing slip by if you are not prepared to date outside your own faith. I have been with my husband 21 years. We were friends for a while prior to that. Although we have different beliefs we have enough going for it to make it work. It would be a lot easier to be with someone who shares my lack of faith but I think we both benefit from our different outlooks. We challenge each other and make one another think. I don't agree with his view of the world on a lot of issues and vice versa but we have a lot of respect for each other. If someone is right for you there will be a way to work it out.

beach_walker

Matt Markinson wrote: »

For such questions you might be better to seek out a Christian forum and ask there.

There is no such forum (and won't be). This is the closest, I thought my OP would have made it clear who it was targeted towards but in vein tbh!

smacl wrote:

Always going to be difficult when you're part of a minority group; is your friend realistically going to cut out such a huge proportion of the population as potential partners?

Yes, she's quite adamant on the matter. I mean I totally respect and understand where she's coming from, just that as you say it's tough numbers wise. Shame as I know quite a few eligible Catholic bachelors :pac:

05eaftqbrs9jlh

Mrs OBumble wrote:

An interesting concept you have of marriage.

That literally encapsulates it. What would you have added? Prayers together?

smacl

beach_walker wrote: »

Yes, she's quite adamant on the matter. I mean I totally respect and understand where she's coming from, just that as you say it's tough numbers wise. Shame as I know quite a few eligible Catholic bachelors :pac:

Surely not beyond the bounds of possibility that one of those upstanding bachelors could jump ship for the right girl. Not knowledgeable on the subject myself, but is the distance between the two branches of the same religion really that vast? As I mentioned, IMHO any relationship that is going to last more than a couple of years will demand significant compromises on both sides.

smacl

Rosalie Thankful Radioactivity wrote: »

Although I say I'm open-minded, if I thought the person whose job it was to see to all my sexual and many of my emotional needs, believed in an imaginary man in the sky, I would not be reassured.

Rosalie Thankful Radioactivity wrote: »

That literally encapsulates it. What would you have added? Prayers together?

Maybe some reference to you looking after their needs and being there for them just as much as they are for you. Do you still take your washing home to your mammy?

Kiwi in IE

When OH and I got together he was lapsed Catholic and I atheist. When we lived in NZ, OH would occasionally attend the Catholic Cathedral at home on Christmas Eve at midnight, and I think once at Easter, and I accompanied him. I have to say that it was nice. He did this more as a cultural connection/link to his childhood celebrations/homesickness more than out of any sense of belief. I completely understand this as my grandmother came out to NZ from Greece after meeting my grandad in Crete during WW2 to get married, and she has remained an attending member of the Greek Orthodox Church her entire life for the cultural connection, despite that she's agnostic and unsure if she believes in God. I used to actually quite like holiday aspects of religious tradition back home. On Christmas Eve when I was a child the Anglican Church used to have a Carol singing service on the banks of the river in the central city. It was really lovely and the nicest build up to Christmas Day/Santa coming. As kids we were all high with excitement and it was held in the dark on a midsummer evening and everyone had candles. I think these traditions are lovely despite that I don't believe in God. I always saw it as a lovely, old fashioned tradition, a type of link with the past, celebrating holidays in a way our recent ancestors would have done. My parents and grandparents (except the agnostic Greek Orthodox) are/were all atheist or agnostic, but we still enjoyed things like this.

I went to an Anglican school as a child, even though we weren't Anglican, my parents just liked the school, and I have to say it was a lovely school, there was never any protelysing, or encouragement of intolerance. There were church services, hymns and prayers at assembly, but no actual 'religion is fact' classes. In the last year some kids did confirmation and had to do extra classes, but only half the class did it.

It was only on moving here that I first experienced the unpleasant side of religion, which I didn't think really existed anymore in First World Countries to the point where it impacted on others. OH had lived overseas for 18 years by the time we returned and he was completely shocked as well. He no longer wants to go to Mass at holidays and has completely distanced himself from the RCC, now identifies as no religion. He feels the same way as I do about it being pushed onto our child.

I definitely could not have got together with anyone who was very religious, 'God fearing' and worrying about everything that's enjoyable in life being a 'sin', but culturally observant only is no problem. I could not cope with a partner who's moral/ethical framework was based on religious doctrine, rather than secular ethical considerations based on critical thought and the perspective of others. I can't understand religious doctrine being put before compassion and could not be in a relationship with anyone who did it. There's also no way would I have signed myself up for life with a person, without first having an idea of how the intimate side of things was going to go, so no sex before marriage would have been a definite deal breaker.

homer911

Kiwi in IE wrote: »

When OH and I got together he was lapsed Catholic and I atheist...

Interesting to hear this perspective from the non-Christian side, thanks

beach_walker

Rosalie Thankful Radioactivity wrote: »

That literally encapsulates it. What would you have added? Prayers together?

Not a bad idea. Still could do with lots more to it though.

smacl wrote: »

Surely not beyond the bounds of possibility that one of those upstanding bachelors could jump ship for the right girl.

I'm not going to speak for them but personally I wouldn't convert for a girl.

Pilgrim_

I am a Catholic. My wife is Orthodox. Two peas of the same pod.

Nick Park

I cannot imagine being unable to share one of the most important aspects of my life with my soulmate / life partner. For me it was important to marry a wife who shared my faith and was active in Christian ministry.

We celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary last month, so it's working pretty well so far!

uck51js9zml2yt

Nick Park wrote: »

I cannot imagine being unable to share one of the most important aspects of my life with my soulmate / life partner. For me it was important to marry a wife who shared my faith and was active in Christian ministry.

We celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary last month, so it's working pretty well so far!

Congrats Nick.
I'd echo your feelings. Something as central as our beliefs shape how we perceive life. If you look at life differently it's hard to come to a common conclusion.
"How can two walk together unless they agree?"