Girlfriend ex anxiety

LegacyUser

My girlfriend's sexual past is starting to make me feel anxious and insecure. 100% in my head. i know what she did in her past relationships is her business and i would prefer not to know about that. But she has told me some things which I'd rather not know about and now i can't get thoughts of her with these men out of my head.

I feel jealous, anxious, feelings like I've missed out as she mentioned things we haven't done.

I'm just looking for a bit of perspective or perhaps some help understanding where this is coming from and how to not let this bother me.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

LegacyUser

Peter246 wrote: »

Anyone else ever feel like this?

Yes, lots of people, so don't imagine your feelings are somehow wrong. There are some people who can hear intimate details of a partner's sexual history and feel no effect, but I suspect they the exception and for the most part, conversations about sexual history are fraught with pitfalls. There's generally no need for those conversations except to address something particularly relevant to the relationship you're now in.

If your communication is good enough, perhaps you can tell her you just don't want to hear it in the way she's been saying it. It's not that difficult for her to alter her communication style on this to say "Can we try this?", rather than "Can we try this, I've done this loads with other men", which is what you're hearing now.

More importantly though, remember that if those previous relationships were good, she wouldn't be with you now and you wouldn't have a chance to write your own story together.

Rachiee

Just remember that different people like different things so no matter how much experience either of you has or doesn't have wont have a bearing on whether or not you are good together. The key is communicating asking each other what you like/dont like and exploring together. Its normal to feel anxious but try and dismiss your thoughts as just thoughts and have fun!!

whiskeyman

Peter246 wrote: »

My girlfriend's sexual past is starting to make me feel anxious and insecure. 100% in my head. i know what she did in her past relationships is her business and i would prefer not to know about that. But she has told me some things which I'd rather not know about and now i can't get thoughts of her with these men out of my head.

I think context is important here.
Why did she tell you these things?
Did you ask?
Was she using them against you in anyway?

If you're ok with the above, then you just have to accept those thoughts and move on.
If you can't get over it, you risk making it an issue to your current relationship and this could have a drastic effect on it.

racso1975

Peter246 wrote: »

My girlfriend's sexual past is starting to make me feel anxious and insecure. 100% in my head. i know what she did in her past relationships is her business and i would prefer not to know about that. But she has told me some things which I'd rather not know about and now i can't get thoughts of her with these men out of my head.

I feel jealous, anxious, feelings like I've missed out as she mentioned things we haven't done.

I'm just looking for a bit of perspective or perhaps some help understanding where this is coming from and how to not let this bother me.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

Is this one of your first serious relationships or is it just the first time that a current girlfriend has mentioned previous sexual encounters?

hidden shallows

Peter246 wrote: »

. But she has told me some things which I'd rather not know about and now i can't get thoughts of her with these men out of my head.

In my experience, the kind of people who insist on telling you all the intimate details of their past sexual history are usually very insecure and desperately trying to compensate.

Is this possible in your GF's case?


She could just be an attention-seeking head-wrecker though.


Either way, you'll eventually have to make your peace with the fact that any woman you go out with is going to have a past sexual history of some kind.

LegacyUser

It could be she's trying to let you know what kind of things she's into. Perhaps she'd like to try them with you?

Her experiences with that person are over, finite, but you are with her now so have every opportunity to do all the things you both want to. Try and focus on the now as you can't change what went before you.

If she persists in bringing it up and it bothers you I would let her know you don't think it's appropriate to talk about past partners that way.

LegacyUser

I'm currently in the OP's girlfriend's shoes; my BF has become very jealous of my past which I find rediculous beyond belief.. but anyway, a lot of the stuff that he knows about and has stuck in his head now is because he asked me questions acting like it was all cool and it didn't bother him and I was honest.

This has become a major major issue in our relationship and I'm not sure we'll survive it to be honest.

So OP, my advice is:
1. Don't ask questions you don't want answers to. If she's volunteering the details then tell her not to. Simples.
2. Seriously, get over it. Her past is none of your business. I'm sorry if that sounds facetious but that really is what it comes down to.