Is it ever possible to separate your work life and personal life?

Wanderer2010

The age-old advice about being professional in work usually includes not being too friendly with your fellow workers and to keep a line between work and your personal life but how often does this actually work in reality? I have worked in a few places now and, bar one high pressure office, everyone after a while started hanging out, adding each other on Facebook and generally sharing their lives, favorite tv shows, details about their partners etc, and anyone who doesn't do this, despite how good a worker he/she is, generally isn't popular.

Is it ever possible to keep your work and home life apart and not suffer consequences?

Alf Stewart.

I work from home op, so that puts me in a bit of a drama.

Sir Osis of Liver.

It's possible but I find it's only lifes oddballs can manage to do it.

Some good friends can be found in colleagues.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

I always shared my personal life with workmates. We always then got on better, shared happy events and sad together. We all knew each others families etc. Never a problem, only a plus.

Speedwell

I work from home, for a friend in England who I knew for five or six years before we started working together. We made a conscious decision to keep work at work and home at home, but since we are a small company we are pretty close knit. I attended a conference a few weeks ago in London and stayed at his house nearby to save the cost of a hotel room, rental car, and such, and I met his wife and kids, got slobbered on by his dogs, and had a glass or two chatting with the adults after the kids went to bed.

My last job was with a large multinational oil tools engineering company. I belonged to a very close team of about nine people. We did care about each other and all, but there was not much scope for personal interaction given that the nine of us lived in six countries on four continents.

Mr_Muffin

Become the office mute. Only talk about work and work related topics. If someone asks you something personnel or asks you out for drinks just walk away without answering.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

I'm such good friends with my last boss/former professor that I'd consider him one of my best friends, and he knows my family so well that he and his wife holidayed with my parents without me, and I spent Christmas before last with them. He's still trying to marry me off to one of his nephews. I'm as close to him and his wife as ever since his retirement, and often look to him for guidance.

I get on very well with my current boss too, a big kindly bear of a man with a great sense of humour. We think similarly and rarely disagree on how to proceed with anything, he leaves me to my job but is always there for me when I need help or guidance. He knows all about me, has met most of my family and I his. I genuinely love the guy.

It's a very easygoing working environment, I can't imagine that being the case if there were barriers up.

BunkMoreland

I asked a girl from work for the ride last night. No verbal response.

Monday will be fun!

RDM_83 again

I don't think its a great idea to make it too seperate, I like the way my work is very sociable and we end up going for drinks regularly and made life long friends but there is something that annoys me.

People complain a lot about the gossipy nature of the job, thats fair enough but you know what is a pretty simple way to avoid gossip, fcuk people other than the small group of people in your company or the slightly larger but still small group of people in the same role.
It does my head in, in a city of 9 million people, if you actually dislike drama its not hard to find somebody outside the group of 50-100 people that you like, I mean there is 8,999,900 of them!

The King of Moo

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

The age-old advice about being professional in work usually includes not being too friendly with your fellow workers and to keep a line between work and your personal life but how often does this actually work in reality? I have worked in a few places now and, bar one high pressure office, everyone after a while started hanging out, adding each other on Facebook and generally sharing their lives, favorite tv shows, details about their partners etc, and anyone who doesn't do this, despite how good a worker he/she is, generally isn't popular.

Is it ever possible to keep your work and home life apart and not suffer consequences?

To: Wanderer2010

RE: work/life balance

Good question, keeping said apart would be a core competency. I'll spitball it in the bullpen, see if it moves the needle, then revert back to you.

Regards,

Moo.

That's the kind of outside-the-box bluesky thinking this thread needs.

doireannod

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

The age-old advice about being professional in work usually includes not being too friendly with your fellow workers and to keep a line between work and your personal life but how often does this actually work in reality? I have worked in a few places now and, bar one high pressure office, everyone after a while started hanging out, adding each other on Facebook and generally sharing their lives, favorite tv shows, details about their partners etc, and anyone who doesn't do this, despite how good a worker he/she is, generally isn't popular.

Is it ever possible to keep your work and home life apart and not suffer consequences?

It's completely possible to keep your private life private if you're comfortable with not being popular.

suicide_circus

I keep it rigidly separate where i can

suicide_circus

The King of Moo wrote: »

To: Wanderer2010

RE: work/life balance

Good question, keeping said apart would be a core competency. I'll spitball it in the bullpen, see if it moves the needle, then revert back to you.

Regards,

Moo.

Reverting back meaning that you were him at some point in the past and that you will morph back into him like a ****ing shapeshifter

lawlolawl

I can't think of anything worse than spending time with coworkers outside of work.

Once I walk out the door at the end of my shift I don't think about the place or anyone in it until I come back in for my next shift.

**** telling them anything that is going on in my real life either.

Bubbaclaus

Most of my nights out and drunken antics involve work colleagues of all levels.

IamtheWalrus

lawlolawl wrote: »

I can't think of anything worse than spending time with coworkers outside of work.

Once I walk out the door at the end of my shift I don't think about the place or anyone in it until I come back in for my next shift.

**** telling them anything that is going on in my real life either.

That's probably telling you something.

I don't share much because I'm very shy and put up a serious, almost grumpy front to not let colleagues in. It's something I'm working on. My work day would be so much more mentally healthy if I was more open about me the person, not the workmate.

doireannod

lawlolawl wrote: »

I can't think of anything worse than spending time with coworkers outside of work.

Once I walk out the door at the end of my shift I don't think about the place or anyone in it until I come back in for my next shift.

**** telling them anything that is going on in my real life either.

I couldn't agree more. People know now that I don't do work nights out. My personal life is my priority. I go home on time everyday and forget that the place/people exist until the next morning. Work is for work. I also opt out of having lunch with colleagues. The small talk is excruciating.

The Sidewards Man

Don't ever work with your wife or husband, car crash.

jamesbere

Don't bring my work life home and don't bring my personal life to work. Find it alot easier

failinis

Tend to keep it separated as much as I can, but if personal life is effecting work, or visa versa I would talk to whom ever about what ever is relevant to keep things going smoothly.
Apart from that, different worlds.

Candy_Girl

Never mix the two...it's easy really.

wakka12

Im sure its possible..but why is that a goal to be achieved..? Why not be friendly with co workers and treat them like friends? Once you get older and you're settled in your job you have much less time for old school/college friends. why not become close and hang out with the people you see every day nearly

The King of Moo

Do those of you who stop thinking about work as soon as you finish do so because you hate your jobs?

Fluffy Cat 88

I keep it separate mostly. I'm friends on Facebook with a few of them, as I didn't like to rock the boat. I don't post there much anyway do no big deal.

I eat my lunch alone in my car. A lot of us do that, its good to get out even for just a few minutes and close the door on the world.

Its not the idle chat in the canteen that puts me off, more the passive-agressive b1tchiness from a few bitter old bags that just makes the day a bit more fcukin sad tbh.

I don't do work nights out, social stuff etc, no interest. I'm probably regarded as a loner and that suits me fine.

failinis

wakka12 wrote: »

Im sure its possible..but why is that a goal to be achieved..? Why not be friendly with co workers and treat them like friends? Once you get older and you're settled in your job you have much less time for old school/college friends. why not become close and hang out with the people you see every day nearly

Being separate with personal life/work does not mean you are unfriendly and a brick wall to co workers. I joke about with them and have a laugh but none are friends of mine, just good acquaintances.

wakka12

failinis wrote: »

Being separate with personal life/work does not mean you are unfriendly and a brick wall to co workers. I joke about with them and have a laugh but none are friends of mine, just good acquaintances.

Fair enough, but why not consider them genuine friends though? like whats so bad about having work friends you actually want to hangout with and talk to? Not trying to change how you think or anything just curious to know why many people are against considering co workers as friends.

Fluffy Cat 88

The King of Moo wrote: »

Do those of you who stop thinking about work as soon as you finish do so because you hate your jobs?

I don't think about work when I'm not there. Too much other stuff going on in my life. I don't hate my job but i wouldn't do it for free.

I think people who really hate their jobs think about it outside working hours more. I remember one girl in work telling me she doesn't like Sundays because she spends the whole day hating the thought of work on Mondays. Isn't that terrible

failinis

wakka12 wrote: »

Fair enough, but why not consider them genuine friends though? like whats so bad about having work friends you actually want to hangout with and talk to? Not trying to change how you think or anything just curious to know why many people are against considering co workers as friends.

I know I will be moving around a lot, so for me its just a case of not wanting to get too close when it is a short term thing.
If I get a job where I think it will be long term, I may be more open.

wakka12

Fluffy Cat 88 wrote: »

I don't think about work when I'm not there. Too much other stuff going on in my life. I don't hate my job but i wouldn't do it for free.

I think people who really hate their jobs think about it outside working hours more. I remember one girl in work telling me she doesn't like Sundays because she spends the whole day hating the thought of work on Mondays. Isn't that terrible

Hmm I never understood this. I know its hard to get jobs and all but honestly I just couldn't stay in a job I detested. If I hated it that much Id move to a min wage job that I didnt mind doing, even if it meant moving to a smaller house, worse area, less entertainment, less nice food clothes tv etc..I think doing a job you hate is a living nightmare, nothing could be worse for me, no matter how well paid it was.

doireannod

The King of Moo wrote: »

Do those of you who stop thinking about work as soon as you finish do so because you hate your jobs?

I love my job so much. Just don't get there to socialise. And I stop thinking about it at home as rest is good for mind, body and soul.

lawlolawl

lawlolawl wrote: »

I can't think of anything worse than spending time with coworkers outside of work.

Once I walk out the door at the end of my shift I don't think about the place or anyone in it until I come back in for my next shift.

**** telling them anything that is going on in my real life either.

I can't think of anything worse than spending 40 hours a week with people who I won't interact with.

tomwaterford

The King of Moo wrote: »

Do those of you who stop thinking about work as soon as you finish do so because you hate your jobs?

No...I love my job get on well with lads I work with....but at 5.45 I'm gone

They can stay taking shtie with each other but not getting paid why would ya bother??


If I met them in town I'd say hello if I couldn't avoid it etc....but I much prefer to keep them separate...


(much like I prefer to keep my home/social life seperate to....hate overlapping seeing same people regularly where they don't fit for me,...really hard to explain)

Your Face

I work at home and drink at work.

Folie a deux

Never understood the whole not making friends with people you work with thing. My best friends are friends I have met through work. Go out to lunch together everyday & go for drinks regularly.

Work must be seriously boring if you keep yourself to yourself everyday! Just cant imagine why anyone would want to do it..

gercoral

nah try to keep it separate. though sure, if something at home was really bothering me, and i needed some advice, there's literally only 2 people in a workforce of 20-25 that i would open up to. i'm quite a private person by nature, and i don't ask anyone in work their business from home, and they don';t ask me. and we respect each other for that.

i find the people in work who talk about their personal lives and home lives the most are also the nosiest ones that want to know everything about your business.

Virgil°

My work itself doesn't follow me home. However I do socialise with my colleagues inside/outside of work. I've worked in a place where people don't talk to each other and just clock in a 9-5 every day and found it soul crushing.

The people i work with are just that, people. If I like them then ill want to hang out with them.Im not gonna blank them outside the office as if they were a different species. Not complicated stuff really.

Two Tone

Candy_Girl wrote: »

Never mix the two...it's easy really.

I wouldn't be into mixing my personal life and work life (it's not a conscious decision, I am just not drawn to becoming pals with workmates [bar one person, but even at that, we very rarely meet up outside of work] and hanging out with them, and going to all work-related events and after-work drinks and meeting for lunch and finding out the gossip) but I don't think it's easy to avoid it completely. Maybe it depends on the workplace though. Chat about personal stuff (not anything too confidential though) naturally occurs in our office - my colleagues are a lovely bunch of people.
There is a balance between work virtually being a person's personal life and no interaction with colleagues whatsoever other than work-related.

doireannod

Folie a deux wrote: »

Never understood the whole not making friends with people you work with thing. My best friends are friends I have met through work. Go out to lunch together everyday & go for drinks regularly.

Work must be seriously boring if you keep yourself to yourself everyday! Just cant imagine why anyone would want to do it..

Work isn't boring if you're busy and like what you're doing. You don't need friends to make your work interesting. I'm a doctor and I don't have friends at work but I'm definitely never bored once I walk in the door of the hospital.

ToddyDoody

Mr_Muffin wrote: »

Become the office mute. Only talk about work and work related topics. If someone asks you something personnel or asks you out for drinks just walk away without answering.

"Say no. Get away. Tell an adult"

maxwell smart

The more you progress in an organisation the more difficult it will be to make/keep friends in the workplace.

Eventually you may be in a position where you have to dismiss / make redundant one of them and that will be an awkward thing indeed.

Personally I find it impossible to totally separate work from personal life. I get on with some of my colleagues, tell them the odd anecdote about home life etc but I'm not friends with anyone I work with on Facebook.

If you plan to go places in an organisation, friendship is one of the prices you pay. Some of you will say 'that's bollix it's not like that where I work' and if so cherish that environment, if you are in a large, professional company, you need to decide if your there to make friends or there to be successful.

DoozerT6

Mr.S wrote: »

You spend 40 hours a week with your colleagues (assuming). Would you not want to form a friendship of some sorts with them?

Not saying you need to hold hands and stay past 5pm but you seem them more then you see anyone else...

I've always made friends in the places I've worked, works fine for me!

This, pretty much. Why wouldn't you want to at least get along and be able to exchange pleasantries with people you spend a LOT of your waking hours with every day? It doesn't have to be all Kumbaya and cocktails after work, but being able to comfortably chat about whatever tv programme you're all following, your holiday, your kids, the news, etc is good for the soul.

beks101

After close to a decade working as a TV producer with no tangible personal life to speak of, I find it really important to have a very clear and distinct line between work and home life.

I now work with some great people, friendly with everyone, go for after-work drinks occasionally but no-one I'd ever have on social media or would see outside of some work event. Unwinding and de-stressing is far more important to me than being surgically attached to my work phone or listening to office gossip down the pub every evening.

I prefer now to spend my free time developing and maintaining other interests that make life a lot less stressful and make me a lot more well-rounded as a person. There's nothing quite as painful as finding yourself stuck talking to a work bore.

That said, I met my OH through work and most of my close friends would be people I met in one newsroom or another.

Permabear

Permabear wrote: »

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I'd expect a good people manager to have put two and two together there.

smurgen

Augeo wrote: »

I'd expect a good people manager to have put two and two together there.

what does this mean? Why not just talk about things going on in your life like a normal person? the idea od keeping work life and personal life seperate is madness to me.if your personal life is in trouble such an approach is gonna backfire.imagine sitting at your desk isolated trying to work if you were going through a breakup or something, suffering in silence.

maxwell smart

maxwell smart wrote: »

....

If you plan to go places in an organisation, friendship is one of the prices you pay. Some of you will say 'that's bollix it's not like that where I work' and if so cherish that environment, if you are in a large, professional company, you need to decide if your there to make friends or there to be successful.

If you plan to really go places recognising that people can be successful without being promoted is key IMO

smurgen

smurgen wrote: »

what does this mean? Why not just talk about things going on in your life like a normal person? the idea od keeping work life and personal life seperate is madness to me.if your personal life is in trouble such an approach is gonna backfire.imagine sitting at your desk isolated trying to work if you were going through a breakup or something, suffering in silence.

... a lady just back from maternity leave needing some support had to open up about a baby not sleeping before a manager smelled the coffee.

What prompted the opening up was a talking to about mistakes.

smurgen

Augeo wrote: »

... a lady just back from maternity leave needing some support had to open up about a baby not sleeping before a manager smelled the coffee.

What prompted the opening up was a talking to about mistakes.

I know the background I just don't get it.what's so traumatic about someone having to tell their manager they're not getting much sleep over their baby?we're becoming more and more isolated in our lives

smurgen

smurgen wrote: »

I know the background I just don't get it.what's so traumatic about someone having to tell their manager they're not getting much sleep over their baby?we're becoming more and more isolated in our lives

Who mentioned trauma?

The lady might not like to seem needing help etc. IMO a good people manager would have realised the mistakes were post return from mat leave, shouldn't have been a need for any opening up in the medium ofgetting a talking to regarding mistakes.

Permabear

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