Bad Grindr experience today.

Iopu

I was in the supermarket waiting to pay at the fast lane aisle and I noticed the guy in front of me kept turning around and staring at me. Anyway whilst I was checking out he comes up from behind me with Grindr open and my photo and says is this you. I didn't really think and just blurted out yes. So he starts saying "oh we're you coming from" etc. And questioning me (this is in front of store staff) and then finally after a bit says "I'll wait for you outside" and he goes out to the door and keeps staring back in at me. So I paid and ran out the other door (thank god there were 2). Open my Grindr, block him on it. A few minutes later get a message from him on hornet saying "I was waiting for you". Block him there too!

I'm not exactly posting this in need of advice. As im smart and can handle myself. Just wanted to share with you guys... The weirdest thing yet that's happened to me using that app.

Ten of Swords

C'mon lad you've pulled?

That would freak me out, did you know the guy at all? Ever spoken to him before?

Iopu

Ten of Swords wrote: »

C'mon lad you've pulled?

That would freak me out, did you know the guy at all? Ever spoken to him before?

No he was a complete stranger. Didn't know or recognise him at all.

NikoTopps

Call me slow but I don't really understand this.

A random guy you've never talked to before walks up to you in the middle of a shop with your grindr profile open asking was it you?!

That is bizarre.

Iopu

NikoTopps wrote: »

Call me slow but I don't really understand this.

A random guy you've never talked to before walks up to you in the middle of a shop with your grindr profile open asking was it you?!

That is bizarre.

Yes exactly. And even worse told me he will wait for me outside. And goes over to the door and stands there staring in at me.

NikoTopps

Iopu wrote: »

Yes exactly. And even worse told me he will wait for me outside. And goes over to the door and stands their staring in at me.

Jaysus, that is bizarre and really creepy too.

I've had a good few bad experiences myself but no one has ever approached me like that!

Must have been a very hawnee fella:rolleyes:

Ten of Swords

I would hate to be approached in such a way op, just block him wherever possible but have you thought about what you will do if you ever come across him in person again?

That approach is a bit opportunistic but being contracted across multiple platforms is what would bother me most, did he just expect you to go with him for a hookup there and then?

Dpg21

Very similar thing happened to me last year as well, I was backpacking in Asia, had just arrived in kuala lumper and checked into a hostel, decided to check out Grindr that night, was tired from travelling so decided to call it a night and went to sleep, next morning I logged in again and had over 10 messages from a guy that said he was near by and wanted to meet, I didn't reply, anyways got breakfast and decided to go have a look around the city, when I walked out the front door guess who was standing waiting:O I couldn't believe it, anyway he came over and was been a real creep, I told him I wasn't interested and went to leave, he started following me down the street so I ended up flagging down a taxi to go into the city centre, had a great day and got the train back, just got to the hostel and he was standing across the road this time, I was so pi**ed off, he even tried following me into the hostel, so this is when I went and got security and explained the situation, I've no idea what they said to him but it worked and I didn't see him around for the next few days I was in KL, was a bit freaked out about it all and decided to delete Grindr that night, haven't used it since

Hunchback

So not cool OP. Not only did he totally freak you out but he embarrassed you while you were being served!! I have never used the app myself, but stories like this and the post by Dpg21 would give me the heebie-jeebies so bad that I'd prolly delete it in two seconds flat :O

NikoTopps

CKonetheonlyone wrote: »

So not cool OP. Not only did he totally freak you out but he embarrassed you while you were being served!! I have never used the app myself, but stories like this and the post by Dpg21 would give me the heebie-jeebies so bad that I'd prolly delete it in two seconds flat :O

It's a tricky one alright. Put too much info and you're liable to get stalkers. Put too little and people will think you're fake.

Rick_

Yeah.... but was he hot?



Just kidding, that's an awful thing to have happen. Some people have no tact or a hell of a brass neck on them. Thankfully, that's a very small minority and most guys on it aren't that bad, even if they aren't your type.

A guy on Grindr has been messaging me as he works in a shop I usually go to. He was telling me that he notices me every time I go in, told me who I've been with when I was last in (my mother!), that he loves staring at my ass and all these creepy things. He then told me about what I bought the last time I was in and asking me when we were gonna meet up and shag etc. and more mentions of my ass. Total friggin' weirdo. I had already used up my quote of blocks for the day or I'd have blocked him too long before he told me all of this, but hearing it has made me want to be a lot more careful of what info I give out online, even though I did nothing wrong!

bicloset

pad e wrote: »

Yeah.... but was he hot?
A guy on Grindr has been messaging me as he works in a shop I usually go to. He was telling me that he notices me every time I go in, told me who I've been with when I was last in (my mother!), that he loves staring at my ass and all these creepy things. He then told me about what I bought the last time I was in and asking me when we were gonna meet up and shag etc. and more mentions of my ass. Total friggin' weirdo. I had already used up my quote of blocks for the day or I'd have blocked him too long before he told me all of this, but hearing it has made me want to be a lot more careful of what info I give out online, even though I did nothing wrong!

Perhaps suggest to him you will show his harrasing messages to his boss or report to the company head office who his store may represent, that will put him down a peg or two.

Almost exact same thing happpened me about 2 years ago, even more freaky cuz I'm not out and don't display my pic. I had briefly spoken to a fella and swapped a pic, then about 2 days after I was in argos at the catalogue machine and this guy came up to me and goes "I was talking to you on grindr" and I just mumbled out of pure speechless shock, then he went outside but I got into the car and wasn't long clearing...needless to say the pic he had sent me wasn't really of him

J_E

I usually keep the location feature off unless I want to be seen for fear of something like that happening. I find it uncomfortable to broadcast where I am if I'm not looking. Sorry this happened to you, very inappropriate way to present themselves.

SILVAMAN

Iopu wrote: »

I was in the supermarket waiting to pay at the fast lane aisle and I noticed the guy in front of me kept turning around and staring at me. Anyway whilst I was checking out he comes up from behind me with Grindr open and my photo and says is this you. I didn't really think and just blurted out yes. So he starts saying "oh we're you coming from" etc. And questioning me (this is in front of store staff) and then finally after a bit says "I'll wait for you outside" and he goes out to the door and keeps staring back in at me. So I paid and ran out the other door (thank god there were 2). Open my Grindr, block him on it. A few minutes later get a message from him on hornet saying "I was waiting for you". Block him there too!

I'm not exactly posting this in need of advice. As im smart and can handle myself. Just wanted to share with you guys... The weirdest thing yet that's happened to me using that app.

I's Grindr...an app to meet guys you've most likely not met before.....what did you expect?

Rick_

Hardly a free pass for people to behave inappropriately though, is it? I think you've missed the entire point.

Annasopra

SILVAMAN wrote: »

I's Grindr...an app to meet guys you've most likely not met before.....what did you expect?

Eh. Does that excuse such behaviour?

SILVAMAN

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Eh. Does that excuse such behaviour?

<snip>

Stealthfins

Poor creatau you advertised yourself on a hook up site,a guy has the decency to be upfront and honest.
Says helloooo how youuuuu doowin...wink wink nod nod....
You then ignore the poor guy.

He built up a lot of courage to say hello.

You're a bit of a Prem a Donna TBH....

Man up guy

learn_more

SILVAMAN wrote: »

I's Grindr...an app to meet guys you've most likely not met before.....what did you expect?

I think the idea is that you see someone in your area you fancy, find out if the feeling is mutual and arrange a date.

Would be kool though if it was acceptable to just tap someone on the shoulder in public and proposition them, as you seem to think it is. Pokemon Go craze would disappear overnight.

J_E

SILVAMAN wrote: »

Sounds to me like you've been cocooned in tissue paper and bows.
Grinder is effectively a way to meet guys for sex and instant gratification.
If I'm to follow your train of thought, you'd expect a partner to provide you with knee pads were you to perform fellatio on him?
Get real.

Stealthfins wrote: »

Poor creatau you advertised yourself on a hook up site,a guy has the decency to be upfront and honest.
Says helloooo how youuuuu doowin...wink wink nod nod....
You then ignore the poor guy.

He built up a lot of courage to say hello.

You're a bit of a Prem a Donna TBH....

Man up guy

I get the feeling the two of you would change your tune very fast if you had someone approaching you holding a photo of you on a sexual app in a supermarket then telling you (not asking) that they'll be outside. It's at best brazen, at worst, bordering on harassment. You don't know the motives of the person who's just approached you, and we all know there are some obsessive individuals on those sites who will prey on you if you give them half a chance (been there, done that). There's a basic unspoken conduct on these apps - unless you're in a space that's a little more open to approach like a bar, you drop someone a message, you leave it at a glance of acknowledgement and you wait for a message/approach instead of putting them in an intensely awkward situation when you're just minding your business buying carrots and milk.

There are much better ways to approach someone, and that's not really one of them. You are always a little more vulnerable when you're a gay person, you never know who's going to glance at that situation and make an instant judgement of you or remark.

Stealthfins

J_E wrote:

There are much better ways to approach someone, and that's not really one of them. You are always a little more vulnerable when you're a gay person, you never know who's going to glance at that situation and make an instant judgement of you or remark.

I remember being on POF and some hot as balls Cougar came up to me in a bar.....
She asked me was it me,I didn't feel vulnerable or put off....

And stop labeling gay people as vulnerable,you're no different to straight people....

J_E

Stealthfins wrote: »

I remember being on POF and some hot as balls Cougar came up to me in a bar.....
She asked me was it me,I didn't feel vulnerable or put off....

And stop labeling gay people as vulnerable,you're no different to straight people....

We aren't, but we are instantly perceived differently, it only takes one bad apple to say something that makes you feel a bit ****...

Also, a bar is a pretty different space to a shopping till, it's circumstantial. Hope you had a good encounter, please stop telling me how I am and am not stopped to feel when the dynamic is very different.

Musketeer4

Not to mention that, on the whole, a woman is not going to drag you behind a ditch and burst you. The same cannot be said said when you're dealing with men where there is a reasonable chance of it happening.

SILVAMAN

<Mod Snip>

Constructive Posts only please.

<Mod Snip>

L.Jenkins

MOD NOTE: This is the last time today that I'll be reminding people to be civil.

SILVAMAN

J_E wrote: »

I get the feeling the two of you would change your tune very fast if you had someone approaching you holding a photo of you on a sexual app in a supermarket then telling you (not asking) that they'll be outside. It's at best brazen, at worst, bordering on harassment. You don't know the motives of the person who's just approached you, and we all know there are some obsessive individuals on those sites who will prey on you if you give them half a chance (been there, done that). There's a basic unspoken conduct on these apps - unless you're in a space that's a little more open to approach like a bar, you drop someone a message, you leave it at a glance of acknowledgement and you wait for a message/approach instead of putting them in an intensely awkward situation when you're just minding your business buying carrots and milk.

There are much better ways to approach someone, and that's not really one of them. You are always a little more vulnerable when you're a gay person, you never know who's going to glance at that situation and make an instant judgement of you or remark.

You uploaded a profile on a site for instant gratification.
What on earth do you expect?
Post an ad in the back of Ireland's Own and meet for a drink or a meal.
Most guys on grindr, with a location feature, are looking to unload at the first opportunity. If you cannot bring yourself to delete your profile, disable the location feature.
FYI, I'm not "vulnerable"-and on the one occasion where someone thought he'd take the piss, I broke his nose.

haskellgeek

SILVAMAN wrote: »

You uploaded a profile on a site for instant gratification.
What on earth do you expect?
Post an ad in the back of Ireland's Own and meet for a drink or a meal.
Most guys on grindr, with a location feature, are looking to unload at the first opportunity. If you cannot bring yourself to delete your profile, disable the location feature.
FYI, I'm not "vulnerable"-and on the one occasion where someone thought he'd take the piss, I broke his nose.

I'd have to strongly disagree I have both and I'd not expect to "unload" at the first opportunity and if someone does assume that of me on it I will block them. You won't get a responce in general without a picture, and it's annoying having to ask someone to see what they look like. For location it does not bother me at all if I give mine out.

It's a gay app not nesserally a hook up one, tinder sucks IMO, no one responds so why I default back to grindr for dates or meets, not hook up's.

Even if the Op was looking for a hook up it does not mean they will hook up with anyone.

SILVAMAN

haskellgeek wrote: »

I'd have to strongly disagree I have both and I'd not expect to "unload" at the first opportunity and if someone does assume that of me on it I will block them. You won't get a responce in general without a picture, and it's annoying having to ask someone to see what they look like. For location it does not bother me at all if I give mine out.

It's a gay app not nesserally a hook up one, tinder sucks IMO, no one responds so why I default back to grindr for dates or meets, not hook up's.

Even if the Op was looking for a hook up it does not mean they will hook up with anyone.

The following from an interview with Joel Simkhai, founder of Grindr;while he's not quoted as saying this, it's a good bet he saw a copy of the article before publication "Grindr shows you, using GPS technology down to the nearest few feet, the men in your vicinity looking to meet other men. Probably not to exchange recipes. Thus, in 2009, human civilization evolved to a point where one could immediately find the nearest gay, bi or greedy man looking for sex."

Rick_

Grindr was not allowed to launch on the Apple app store originally because it was essentially a "sex finder" app. They had to include the other stuff to make it a "social network" before it got approved. Not many people know this, so when they go on and make a profile and it gives them options to say they are looking for dates & relationships only, you can forgive some of them for thinking that this is what the app was designed for and some just abuse it to get immediate NSA sex.

Regardless of what website or app is used, if someone walked up to me in the street and flashed their phone in my face with my pic on it asking if it was me and being very forward, they'd get a stern "f##k off" at the very least.

JupiterKid

Grindr has its uses, but I find that so many guys on the app lose interest if you don't reply to their messages within seconds. It's like they want you to be available to respond to their messages 24/7 which is ridiculous.

And if someone came up to me randomly in a supermarket and told me they saw me on Grindr I'd tell them to go away. That is stalking and harrasment in my book.

rochey84

Ok I'm kinda going through the reverse of this at the moment, I guy I've been chatting to works near where I work and we both get lunch in the same cafe on some days and I've been wondering that if I saw him in there would I say hello or how would I react if he said hello to me and I think if it is managed in a discreet and chilled way it wouldn't be the worst, something along the lines of "Hey, were we chatting the other day?" as opposed to holding up my profile for the world to see. Remember before Grindr, Gaydar, Manhunt and the internet people had to just meet people in the flesh and it wasn't considered sleazy, creepy, or out of order in anyway.

In fact I was on a date there 2 weeks ago and we were both saying how smart phones and hook up apps etc have ruined the "traditional" way of meeting people, i.e. spotting them out and about and building up the courage to talking to them to the point that even if I was in a bar or club and spotted a guy I like the look of I'd probably quickly check Grindr for him rather than approach him, I didn't have that problem 10 years ago! But hey maybe this is just me!

Rick_

Perhaps message him and mention that you're going on your lunch break later and the name of the cafe and see what his reaction is? Have you ever talked about seeing each other in public before? Might be better than just landing over at his table and scaring the wits out of him.

rochey84

pad e wrote: »

Perhaps message him and mention that you're going on your lunch break later and the name of the cafe and see what his reaction is? Have you ever talked about seeing each other in public before? Might be better than just landing over at his table and scaring the wits out of him.

I think to be honest if I did see him in there I'd make eye contact and do the head tilt salute, like I said above due to Grindr and the internet I've pretty much lost the ability to approach someone lol

dickiepower

pad e wrote: »

Perhaps message him and mention that you're going on your lunch break later and the name of the cafe and see what his reaction is? Have you ever talked about seeing each other in public before? Might be better than just landing over at his table and scaring the wits out of him.

That does seems a little excessive if you ask me. If you were chatting on said app (mind you not a once off chat but something regular), getting on well and seemed to be an attraction then I say take a change and go for it, say hello.

I can't understand why all aspects of dating needs to be "screened" via these apps first. Seems we've lost the ability to communicate face to face properly.

That being said, how OP was approached is out of line but there's no harm in a good old fashioned hello.

Rick_

If you're already chatting to him, why not just suggest grabbing lunch together and seeing how you get on. You could even say "Think I saw someone that looks like you at X cafe" and see if he responds positively. If you've already been chatting a while he might be cool with everything and say yeah let's do it. Fortune favours the brave!

rochey84

pad e wrote: »

If you're already chatting to him, why not just suggest grabbing lunch together and seeing how you get on. You could even say "Think I saw someone that looks like you at X cafe" and see if he responds positively. If you've already been chatting a while he might be cool with everything and say yeah let's do it. Fortune favours the brave!

He told me that he goes to this cafe but it isn't a big deal honestly we're only having a bit of banter on the app and like I said if I did see him having his lunch I'd make eye contact and discreetly say hello