Am I being bullied?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I will try and keep this brief and vague for anonymity.

Been working in company for 3 years. I had a direct line manager who left 2 years ago and I resumed his role. I now have a now line manager (my line manager's manager!). Never got a good feeling from her and I think it's becoming all to clear that she doesn't want me in the company.

In the team, my role is kind of a pain in the hoop. I am a necessary evil and it'd be hard to get rid of my role. I think my LM is a bit jealous that she doesn't have the skills required to do my work and has been passive aggressive generally to me...

Some of the behavious include:

- Not replying to emails where I am clearly anxious about something
- Changing my job spec every few months
- Overworking me and then taking responsibilities away from me at the drop of the hat
- Not giving me a solid reason when I haven't gotten a salary rise in 3 years
- Calling me up to meetings at the last minute about projects that have little to do with me only to say that I didn't 'shine well' in said meeting
- Telling me to apply to other jobs at one point, then saying I lack loyalty
- Telling me that I'm no longer a kid and that I need to stop being a yes man (?!)
- Telling me that I should do X task offsite when I can, I tell her I will do X task the day before only to be said that 'I need to work on my communicative skills' (short notice, I think)
- Signing my birthday card and misspelling my name (random)
- Having meetings with the wider team but not inviting me due to the nature of my role (although it might not have been necessary for me to be there it felt a bit.. isolating)
- When travelling with the team she won't make small talk with me and instead will position herself away from me and isolate me
- Giving other team members regular feedback (PR meetings) whereas I don't get anything of the sort
- One minute it's micro-managing (literally sitting with me) to hands-off-don't-see-her-for-weeks managing. She has admitted that she has abandoned me at times then feels bad and overwhelms me when she gets a flight of fancy to do her job
- Comparing me to other team members and saying that I should follow their style
- Telling me to pull back socially from other team members in order to assert myself (!???)
- Unrealistic projects given to me that are financially costly, time-consuming and ineffective but she wants them so I have to do it

This all culminated in a horrible speech she launched at me where she said that I am 'drifting' from the team although I feel like I am isolated rather than isolating myself. I was told to stop being a yes man (eugh)..I was also physically moved to another building recently from the team.

I honestly think that I might be being bullied... I could be a drama queen but I just feel like her dislike for me is escalating and becoming toxic. I have been looking for a new job, I have applied to loads. I have loads of experience and education and am a likeable person etc. I don't know what to do but I am already dreading Tuesday. I feel 2 inches tall and am anxious about returning. I have an anxiety disorder anyway so not sure if I am imagining things or if I have reason to be annoyed. It's made me feel like I won't go anywhere in life and that this is as good as I'll do.

I know that some will say go to HR but it's a small company and a small country. I don't want to start something big and then get a name for myself as a begrudger or as a complainer.

While I am sorting out a new job is there anything I can do to at least protect myself from her?

Thanks all and sorry to be glum on a lovely day

Augme

Nothing you have said is what I would consider bullying, and I don't think most people would either. While it does sound as if she doesn't like you, which is allowed, I'd say the issues are more incompetence on her part than bullying. When she's brought up issues have you challenged her on them?

retro:electro

It was said to you in the other thread and it'll be said to you here again; no she's not bullying you. Some of these examples are so petty it's crazy, signing your name wrong on your bday card?? Really you think that's bullying?
You're clearly spending a lot of time thinking about her though, strange that.

PressRun

No, she's not bullying you. Yes, you're obsessed.

LegacyUser

Tbh, it does sound to me like you are being bullied. On the face of it, it seems like you might have a case for constructive dismissal, but as you point out you don't want to go down the HR route. It's a been a while since I studied employment law but I think there's definitely a lot to question there.

That being said, I suspect she walks that thin line between being a bully and just being incompetent.

I'm genuinely appalled at the responses here who think here behaviour is acceptable. It's clearly not, imo.

If you won't go down the HR, presumably you won't take a case against her (and even if you were to you should go to HR first), you've really only two options, accept being bullied or leave. You will not be able to change a bully.

Big Bag of Chips

I also think you are being bullied. As another poster pointed out some of the examples you have given ARE very petty, but on HER part. Small, petty instances in isolation can be explained away as just pettiness, or incompetence or mistakes etc, but put them all together and a bigger picture forms. Deliberately excluding you, micro managing, changing tasks etc is a form of bullying.

Obviously those other posters have read another thread belonging to you, and maybe have a bit more background. But on the face of it, and taking your original post here, I think you certainly have a case even for an informal chat with someone higher up the chain.

LegacyUser

Thanks all I'm not sure what I should do but no I didn't write the other thread!

Fakediamond

You are being bullied. When you are excluded from meeings, givenshort deadlines, personally criticised, that is bullying.anyway, I think most people just know when it's happening to them.

Just in case of escalation or need to defend/protect yourself or your reputation, keep a detailed diary of incidents but never leave it unattended, true bullies will snoop in you room desk after hours as they have no morals.

Check out the website: bullyonline.org. Unfortunately the only viable advice is to get out asap, it will never stop and will only escalate. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but get out before you become an emotional wreck.

Best of luck.

Skibunny77

I'm appalled by some of the answers here - complete lack of empathy with an obviously upset poster. OP, You are describing subtle but classic passive aggressive behaviours in a work place setting - undermining of confidence, contradictory messages, inconsistent behaviours. The misspelling of your name on your birthday card is unlikely to be coincidental. Anxiety disorders and ocd are closely linked, so you may find yourself consumed with this, but that doesn't mean you're imagining it. Take care of yourself in this situation, research how to deal with passive aggressive personalities in work, there are lots of good resources online. And as another poster said, aim to move on when you get the right opportunity. Best of Luck.

sadie1502

To me it clearly sounds like you're being singled out and bullied. Keep look for a new job and get out it sounds like a toxic environment. God she sounds like a right old cow. Best of luck op hope you find a new job soon.

LegacyUser

Genuinely shocked at some of the replies here from other posters (I'd nearly bet one poster is your boss )
Office politics are a horrible thing, most of the public has felt like this at one point in time. I would say it's passive aggressive bordering on bullying. Hundreds,if not thousands of people go through this everyday op and it is a horrible feeling having to go to work. I would say keep looking for jobs and try (and I know it's hard) not to let your boss's behaviour drag you down. Just tell yourself you won't be there forever

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Thanks all for the advice. I will start documenting things tomorrow and keep it in a hidden area. I am happy that I'm not going completely mad! Hopefully I get another job soon!

Thanks a mil and I will update if anything happens