feeling trapped

laurey

before i go on to moan, i want to emphasise how lucky i know i am to have a beautiful new baby of 3 months. however i never knew how difficult it would be. im still quite young and all my friends are still enjoying nights out and having fun. i cant help but feel that im missing out. i told my mum that id love to go out the odd time and she said when you have a baby you dont get to go out. it made me feel very alone and trapped. am i wrong to want a night out. i feel like i need a break for my mental health but nobody seems to understand. im wondering number 1, is it normal for me to still crave and want a night out to look forward to once a month or even once in 2 months? my mum refuses to mind the baby as she says her time is passed now and shes too old and tired. secondly, im wondering what my options are. what do mothers do in this situation? do i look for a babysitter online? is there anyone that would mind my baby overnight? how do you mothers get out with your friends or do the nights out end once you have a child?

racso1975

Do you have any relatives outside of your mam you could turn to? I'm assuming the baby's father is not about?

Its not unusual at all and perfectly normal to feel like you do!!!

Chocolate fiend

It is totally normal, I would say every mum (and lots of dad's) feel like this when their first is born. Small babies can be very boring and are not the best company, it will get better as they get older.
You can of course get out, you will need to find a babysitter, someone you trust. Someone who can come to your house for 10E a hour and let you get out for a few hours. Overnight would probably be very expensive and would have to be done by someone you really really trust.

Would your mum do it for a few hours if you paid her?

Is the baby's father able to help at all?

Could your friends come around to your house for an evening?

Wanderer78

Perfectly normal feelings but I do think when you have kids it's probably a good idea to start changing your lifestyle. Try find things to do with your child. Start meeting other people, ideally those in a similar situation, I.e other mothers etc. Mother and baby groups sound ideal. You do need a break though so do check out your options. This is a massive change in your life, it will take some time to get use to. Your child's well being is your priority now, but so to is yours. Best of luck with it

pwurple

Yes, normal feelings here... It's a big change.

What is not normal is the complete lack of support for a new mother. Your own mother sounds like she wants to teach you a lesson or punish you... Not helpful.

However, If your mother is not able or willing, where is the rest of your family and community? Your father, your babies father, your siblings, cousins, friends, neighbours? Boys can mind babies too you know.

There is always going to be a time when you need someone to watch your child. When you need to go to the doctor or dentist, you have an appointment for something, or when you just need a break. Building that familiarity up so the child doesn't freak out when you are gone for an hour is important.

Sligo1

Of course it's normal to want an odd night out! And please don't feel guilty for it. I had my first boy when I was 30. So not especially young or anything and I can say I craved my nights out! I was used to going out every weekend!

So I would say I prob went out about one a month after he was born. But then I got pregnant again and that stopped that. My mum was great and very supportive so I went out after the little fella was asleep and she would mind. But now me and my husband have the 2 and tbh I wouldn't ask my mum to mind the 2 overnight as she helps me during the week. But I have no want to go out anymore anyway. Mum often tells me to but it's so not worth it in the morning when you have a hyper 3 year old and a 2 year old who just want to climb everything... Not a good mix with a hangover.

If you have a partner could you take turns going out the odd time? If you don't have any support I would look into getting a babysitter or a friend you can really trust.

Chin up.... We all need our time aswell. We were people ourselves before we had the babas. And we still are....Remember that x

Moonbeam

It is normal to crave normality.
Do you have a brother/sister/friend that could babysit for you?

DSN

Totally normal to want to get out - just because you have babies doesn't mean you cant have a life. (i know some are happy never to go out again but I wasn't one of those even when breastfeeding I'd express a couple of bottles & leave with other half to go out with the girls every few weeks) Sorry you mum not being very supportive but has she been good in other ways though - maybe she feels like she does enough or is she afraid she'll be left minding the baby all the day after because it sound kind of strange she wouldn't be ok with babysitting a few hours after baby goes down or something. Assume the father not on the scene to help out at all - maybe that's her gripe? that's really tough what about a friend/sibling or someone who might help out a few hours?

got2meearlier

Totally normal. I had my first baby just out of school and it is a VERY lonely time when you are the only one. You need to have time to yourself, baby comes first but you are not just a mom and you need time to just be you too it's very important for your mental health. I would second finding ways of socialising with baby too thats important for you both. I have friends who did baby yoga and gymboree things like that to meet other moms. Or you could just arrange lunches/coffee shopping trips with your existing friends and bring baby along s/he is at a perfect age for that. Preferably do all of the above find ways to see old friends with baby, make new ones and find a way to get out about once a month without the baby even if its just for a few hours.

uck51js9zml2yt

Try get in touch with local mother and baby groups. Cuidiu normally have a lot around the place. They were a life saver for my wife ( and me)

deelite

Totally agree with all the other posters - I craved a night out like the old times before baby - actually I also craved to be able to go to Superquinn without the baby throwing up or crying the whole way around the shops - without bumping into an old school friend who looked liked she stepped straight out of a fashion magazine and me there with howling baby, dark roots and dark circles under my eyes,

I got the night out - however I spent the first part of the evening on the phone checking to see was baby okay, followed by a wave of tiredness, the inability to have more than one bottle of beer and then the boredom of "nothing has changed". Good luck

Things will get easier for you - the Public health nurse can put you in touch with mother and baby groups,

Moonbeam

I was sad when Tesco stoppped being 24 hours ,it meant I could not go shopping for a 2am break anymore!!