am I right to be pissed off

LegacyUser

I would like some perspective on this situation because I'm not sure whether I'm being a baby and over blowing things or have a right to be pissed off. Myself and my friend of 8 years dont live near each other, we used to work together but he moved jobs and back home 4 years ago, we arranged to meet up for a session saturday week. I asked him on FB a few days ago if he is still on for our meet up saturday week-(still no reply) . It was my birthday a few weeks ago and there was no birthday message on FB even though he was on it countless times that day. In the past 2 years it was his wedding and 30th birthday, as a single person as a present I gave him/them 200 in a card and for his 30th I sent him a 50 euro voucher . I just feel he has zero respect for me in not replying to my messages , in fact within the last year I remember a meet up I had with him and new work friends and he was belittling everything I said. I just feel he has zero respect for me and im not sure how to handle the situation, Im considering telling him since I havent heard back that I assume you arent able to make make our plans so ive made other ones

Skibunny77

OP, if this guy isn't answering your texts, belittled you in person and doesn't acknowledge events like your birthday, he IS communicating with you - his silence tells you he doesn't value the friendship. If this is new behaviour, he may be distracted with his own life, if this is a pattern, he may be deliberately distancing himself from you. I wouldn't bother getting in touch, your text sounds a bit petty - if he isn't planning to meet you, he won't care that you have other plans. Take a step back, leave it to him to put some work into the friendship and in the meantime, concentrate on other aspects of your life/spend time with other friends.

pgj2015

friend, what friend? this guy isn't your friend op, you would be better off with zero friends than have 100 friends like him, you on the other hand sound like you are a very good friend, i would suggest you concentrate on your other friends or make some new ones, either way you should be the one distancing yourself from this guy. it is outrageous to treat someone the way he is treating you, id bet no one else was buying him vouchers for his birthday and if he was at your wedding, he wouldn't be giving you 200 in a card.

get rid of this guy from your life op, you will look back on the situation in time and be wondering why you didn't do it sooner.

Ursus Horribilis

I wouldn't even bother telling him anything or making contact again. He obviously doesn't consider you to be a friend and hasn't done so for a long time. Sometimes it can take a while for the penny to drop but it finally seems to have for you. Silence is a language all on its own but it can take a bit longer to spot it.

I'd not send a text simply because it'd be letting him know that his behaviour has got to you. If it was me I'd simply delete his number from my phone, unfriend him on Facebook and concentrate on other friends. It might also be worth looking back over this friendship and trying to spot the warning signs. I hope he wasn't cooling on you when you were giving him such generous gifts.

punisher5112

Had similar but friend met a girl and cut off all contact noticed this within a few days. Call over to house like normal and he would pretend to be out. So gave up. Was best friend ever had but for someone to do that is in no way a friend.

Good luck op you will get on with life.

Rubberchikken

if he had been a decent friend in the past, he could have been honest with you now, but it's hard to do.

have you gotten on with his wife? there could be something there. some partners are willing to be friendly towards their oh's friend until the wedding is done, then there's a slow phasing out of past friends.

i realise you must be feeling hurt and i'm sorry.
take care.

ManOfMystery

As a general rule of thumb, a friend is there to share things with you and enrich your life - and you theirs.

If it's one way traffic, and none of the normal friend activities/actions are reciprocated, they're not a friend. They're either disrespectful, trying to distance themselves from you, or simply weren't your friend in the first place. And no matter which scenario applies there, you're better off moving on without them in your life.

The Young Wan

so pissed off wrote: »

I would like some perspective on this situation because I'm not sure whether I'm being a baby and over blowing things or have a right to be pissed off. Myself and my friend of 8 years dont live near each other, we used to work together but he moved jobs and back home 4 years ago, we arranged to meet up for a session saturday week. I asked him on FB a few days ago if he is still on for our meet up saturday week-(still no reply) . It was my birthday a few weeks ago and there was no birthday message on FB even though he was on it countless times that day. In the past 2 years it was his wedding and 30th birthday, as a single person as a present I gave him/them 200 in a card and for his 30th I sent him a 50 euro voucher . I just feel he has zero respect for me in not replying to my messages , in fact within the last year I remember a meet up I had with him and new work friends and he was belittling everything I said. I just feel he has zero respect for me and im not sure how to handle the situation, Im considering telling him since I havent heard back that I assume you arent able to make make our plans so ive made other ones

OP I had a friend who was the exact same as this. Whenever I spoke about my move to the UK for college I'd be shushed, as "you talk about it way too much and you never pay attention to what I'm doing." Asked her once, she gave such short answers I decided not to bother again. I'd have radio silence from her for months, then when I asked her about it I got a big long winded rant about how she was busy/answering work emails. So I decided to let her come to me instead, as she swore blind to me previously that my friendship meant a lot to her and she would make more of an effort to stay in contact.

She hasn't gotten in contact with me since Christmas, maybe, and to be honest I'm not really missing it.

LegacyUser

I know how you feel as I am going through something similar to you with another so called friend. I recently asked them to help me out with something. I am not getting as much as text message back. I have also realised they have been they have been bad mouthing me to some other people I know. I have decided that I won't be contacting them any more.

Meanwhile I have another friend who has been very good to me. I went though a few bad periods over the past 2 years due to family and realtionship issues. I would ring this person and they know I was down. Several times they droped everthing for me and arrived at my front door to say let go to x or y. This person has made me laugh in the darkest moments. In fact I recently got a chance to say thanks in a good way and they were delighted with a gift they got from me.

At this stage of my life I have realised that freindship requires give and take. Yes people are busy now but it does not take to much time to send a text message, make the odd phone call or find time to spend with someone. Unless you willing to do this you won't keep your friends in your life. I have seen people drop friends due to work, new partners, getting married and having children. When they hit on a bad patch they suddenly expect friends to be their and then wonder why their freinds are no longer around.

From what you told us you have been a good freind to this man. You gave him a decent wedding present and a €50 voucher for his birthday. You have made an effort to keep in contact with him but he is not making any effort with you.
At this stage I would not ring or text him. I would make time for other friends or get involved with some new groups to make new friends. I would not block him on facebook as someone did this to me in past and I think this is childish. I would let him see your happy and moving on with your life even if he no longer wishes to be part of it.

dixiefly

Regarding FB I would just unfollow him, leave the friendship in name only. Also delete their number from your phone.

Xterminator

Op you seem to be dramatizing the situation.is it necessary to

considering telling him since I havent heard back that I assume you arent able to make make our plans so ive made other ones

?

if it was me, i would unfriend on social media, and left him drift from your life.

but i would not personally go looking for a confrontation or a reaction. not sure that its going to do you any good.