Depression at this time of year

via4

I'm feeling very low this week. To be honest I hide behind a fake smile all the time and I live very robotically going through the motions. I bury myself in my work as a distraction to take my mind of everything. My birthday is coming up and it always brings back very painful memories as it was that time I realised that the friends I thought were friends made it clear they didn't care about me. It broke me as a person and have found it difficult to meet new people since. I always spend my birthday alone crying. My family know this but they do not care. My sister informed me that when u have kids you do not celebrate your own birthday. It was strange cos she got a spa weekend a meal and a night out and she has kids. I know it was her way of saying I'm not doin anything for your birthday and I am using your child as an excuse. I feel like no one cares about me. I try and pluck up the courage to start going out and doing things but when I suggest things everyone says no. My dad tells me not to sit in the house but when I gave him an example of how I tried to reach out to someone one time where I confided in this person that I would like to start doing things like cinema or night out once a month he went mental at me saying how dare I put this person under pressure that this person was a lovey person and I shouldn't have done that. But when I confided in that person that time I thought I was doing the right thing but that person told me mother what I had said n she said that they both decided that they can't help me cos I don't want to be helped. It was the only time I asked for help and obviously I made an error confiding in this person and I never asked again. They say asking for help is the hardest thing but I learned that time when you ask for help the hardest thing is being told you are putting someone under pressure n that you don't want the help. I don't know how to make my life better. I tried the gym n tried tinder n the last guy deciebed me into thinking he wanted a relationship n I let my guard down which was another error on my part I know. I don't want to go into work today. I can feel myself on the verge of tears it's been building up all week. I don't even know why I'm writing this I'm just dreading the summer now il be stuck in the house like last year. I feel like life is passing my by I'm trying to get into a mind set that I can survive the next few years with. I kind of gave up on the friendship idea. N tried to just meet a nice man but it's not happening for me. It's frustrating cos when I do pluck up the courage to come out of my shell n try n go out no one will come out with me but the same ppl tell me I need to go out but I'm not at that level of confidence to go on nights out alone I did it twice n it's very embassing I felt like a loner. I think I'm gonna take a few days off cos I know how in bits I be on my birthday weekend I can't help the way I feel. I help and support everyone but I don't get the same back. Think I need to take a step back with things.

jopax

Hi via4,
I'm sorry to hear you feel this low.
You are right to reach out for help but you are reaching out to the wrong people.
I would advise you to go to see your gp, & tell him or her how low you feel. Please don't try to carry on with these feelings without getting proper help.
Forget about tinder or dates right now, you don't need that at the moment.
Try to take up some hobbies & find friends that way.
Please get some professional help/advise.
You are just looking in the wrong places.
Life will get better.
Best of luck to you.

via4

I went to the doctor iv been telling her for years I need help but she said you need have a breakdown first before she can refer you to help. I fought fr help for years n I got a referral to help with the hse they said in November I will be waiting about six months for the therapy to start so I'm still here waiting. Iv tried hobbies iv tried everything Lord knows how hard I have tried and I have been trying to cure my anxiety actively for the last two years but without any support of just been hitting a brick wall. I'm guna go into work my robotic stance has kicked in il come later later and get into bed and try and find something nice to watch. Mods you can close this thread I think I just needed to let whatever was in me out by writing it down. If I get bad over the weekend I will write all this out on a piece of paper and rip it up n if I need to talk I might ring the Samaritans I just feel like I need to get the hurt out of my body in some way. Sorry again about starting g this thread I'm not really thinking straight.

intheclouds

OP I think you sound like a lovely person and tbh your family sound quite toxic.

What I would advise is to join some group that you have a shared interest with people, so maybe photography, walking, cinema, cookery - or whatever it is you might have a bit of an interest in doing. Then you will meet people with a similar interest and there is something to talk about and a place to go and socialise with them.

I definitely agree with the poster above that suggests speaking to your GP about how low you have been feeling - you should DEFINITELY do that. There is no need for you to be suffering when your doctor can help you.

KikiDee

Hey OP,

Sorry you're feeling this way. I can't imagine the position you're in at all. You say there's nobody who cares about? Your post implies you have a kid? I can promise you, you're the world to that kid. So there's one person right there.

If you're not getting anywhere with your GP, have you tried talking to your HR department in work? There may be some EAP schemes that they can help you with. I know our company does a great one so it may be worth checking out?

I do think you should park tinder and meeting a man for a bit. Focus on you for the moment. There are loads of other ways you can meet people and make new friends. You should look up GirlCrew on Facebook. And I'm a firm advocate of meetup.com. You pick & choose the events you attend based on your interests.

via4

I have tried to drive up the road to the meet ups over the years but i live over an hour away and i get bad anxiety on the motorway so i have had to turn back. if i lived near it would be easier but the get panicky going to far waway from home. I have asked people to come with me but they either say no say yes then when the day comes they let me down. no I work for my dad and when i have these bad days he roars and says he cant run a business this way and if I am not fit for the job he has to look for someone else etc. I am capable of the job i just struggle at this time of year. trust me its not worth the fight. im here now with my robotic stance iv learned to survive by showing no emotion and looking at a certain spot when he is giving out. I am not allowed to have feelings. my anxiety angers him and he saays its not fair on other people that i have it. Im always thinking of others and i push myself so much and sometimes pushing myself too hard to be there for others it can trigger my anxiety. I will be ok its the time of year i hve a little break down thats all.

KikiDee

You can choose meet up groups closer to your area. That's what I done. Admittedly, I have to drive maybe 30 minutes or so to some of them but it's so worth it.

OK so your GP and work aren't options. What about a local health centre? Go speak with a nurse. Also, I'm not really an advocate of this, but have you thought about your local church at all? Then there's your local Citizens Advice centre. They can point you in the right direction in terms of free counselling services. I understand you're saying that it's just this time of year but it's not healthy to harbour these feelings.

Taltos

Hi OP

I am really sorry you are going through all this and not getting the support you deserve.

Few things though and I'll try not to preach here but sorry if it comes off like that.

1. Go back to your GP or goto a different GP and demand help or a referral or ask about CBT or similar therapies.
2. Tinder - forget it for now. I hate to say it but you run the risk of a letch taking complete advantage of you.
3. Asking others to come places with you - again sorry but it seems the folk you are asking either are too busy, don't realise why you want their help or just aren't good friends. Instead of asking them - just head off for a walk or get out of the house.
4. Work - Working and living with your father is just too much - you are not getting the break you need or the support you need. Quite a few people hate their jobs but when it's with family you never get an escape. Maybe consider trying to find something else out there.
5. You - OP you definitely need to work on you here. Cut yourself a break. Stop taking on too much and blaming yourself or even looking to others to help you through the rough spots. Seek the help you need from your GP and instead of the gym find an "activity" or group event where you can get involved, meet people, try new things and get out of there. Gyms are soulless places. Hiking groups, or similar bring people from different backgrounds together. DON'T go there with the intent of meeting someone or making a friend - go instead to have FUN, find yourself, if you're happier in you friendships will happen naturally so don't overshare or jump in too soon. Just find something you enjoy where you can destress and just chat to strangers even...

Please though go to your GP (recommend a different one) and let them know how you feel - even print the above out (keep it safe) and ask them for help...

intheclouds

Please get a different job and stop working for your dad. Its not going to do any good for you at all working for someone who is screaming at you etc..

via4

Thank you everyone for your kind words it means so much that people would take the time to help and give a little support. I set up a new business so I'm kind of knee deep in it at the moment il working towards becoming self employed so this is the only option work wise but eventually I am hoping to build up my courage and move away. Right now this is a way of building up funds. But yes my plan is not to stay there forever of course I understand totally how important it is to leave. Yes a health centre would be an option I have not tried I will do that and also take a spin round to the hospital to see where I am on the waiting list to get the therapy maybe I'm next in the queue. Yes funny you say that kikidee that was on my mind to start going to mass maybe I will get a bit of strength from the sermon I'm willing to try anything. Yes taltos sound advice I will take everything you said there on board il refer back to it as I need. I do need to cut myself some slack for sure. I have started to say no to ppl as I was helping someone going way above and beyond for them and they began to take advantage iv cut that person loose i felt used. I'm home now il try and make some sort of plan for the weekend there are no meet ups in my town at all unfortunately but there is a mediation day that is on once a month so I need to look into that and see when the next one is happening. Thank you everyone again.