loneliness

anneperkins

I feel so incredibly lonely. I have friends and my family live close to me (although i havent seen or spoken to them in a long time...its a long story to be honest) but all day every day i just feel so alone. I know i am going through a difficult period in my life but a lot of the time i feel this would be helped if i didnt spend so much time by myself. Most evenings after work i am alone and dont speak to anyone. At weekends i might see a friend one evening or afternoon for a few hours but other than that I am by myself for the rest. I feel like i am starting to become so angry that this is happening to me....why doesnt anyone in my life think that i might need help or kindness? I have tried the meetups thing and whilst in the moment its good and i feel better, afterwards i somehow feel worse that i spent time talking to people that really know nothing about me, and i know nothing about them....does that make sense? I find it all a bit false and am not sure it is for me. I know i am being pessimistic though because right now i cant see the positive in anything. I feel like screaming "why doesnt anyone realise what i am going through?" "why doesnt anyone want to help me get through this?" i find now that i dont even want to go outside the front door unless i have to, because i feel so jealous of people who are not alone. I feel so sad when i see elderly people alone that i have to look away because i worry that when they are at home, they feel as alone as i do.

Im just so tired of feeling like this. When will it not be like this? I have done counselling and it hasnt really helped.

I know it sounds like i dont, but i do try to keep busy. But theres only so many shopping centres, trips to the gym, car drives to the supermarket etc a person can do. To be honest being around people like this is starting to make things worse i think. I actually feel jealous of people i dont even know....which is not normal i know. I am so jealous of people who have someone. I dont want to feel this way but i do.

Thanks for reading.

LegacyUser

How old are you op? I am in the same boat,hitting 30. Broke up with long term partner and friends are now being married off and some days I feel so alone, my only company is a TV (sad,I know)
You say that you get upset after the meetups because they don't really know you ...but are you letting them get to know you? Remember all friends were once strangers, you just have to give them a chance!

LegacyUser

Hi OP, been there, been there too often. That awful feeling, that swallowed by the crowd feeling. That feeling that life is happening all around you but not to you. That life is happening to everyone else. That everyone is in concert and everyone isn't just keeping it together but really has it together. That you've never said anything funny, that people who know you don't really know you. The feeling that connection is some incomprehensible skill or talent you were born without. That there is a room somewhere you know you'd fit in in, if you could only find it but that street hasn't even been built yet and you are widely out of step with time. The vague sense of "is this it?" that accompanies living on any given day.

I could say that is just the human condition for some of us, but I don't know that it is. Why don't you speak to your family? I believe, rightly or wrongly, that some people develop a profound sense of loneliness early in life depending on how they are treated as a very small child and how much space and time the family structure around them could give them. To examine your feelings as an adult you have examine your relationships as a child, imo. How did you and your siblings interact? How did you get with your parents etc? Some of my friends are never lonely, it's almost an abstract concept to them. Some times I'm loneliest in a crowded place. It isn't equal for everyone but I really do believe most people suffer from some sort of loneliness/disconnection/disenfranchisement on a daily basis. I've read that the Irish are born lonely, certainly seems true for me some days.

But then, then days come along where you meet a friend for a 15 minute coffee that turns into a day out laughing and you hit all the right notes. The trick is to try and have has many of those days as possible. That and to remember most people are working through their own issues too. Call an old friend, mend bridges with your family, what do you have to lose? Find something you love to do and do it, especially in the evenings. What is it you want to do with your time? What do you love to do?

Parchment

Its ok to feel that way - i have felt that way too.

I dont know what to say to you but you sound like a really smart, sensitive person.

I personally dont like meetup groups etc but maybe if you have some hobbies/sports/gym you can try to chat to people there. Its hard though - people are wrapped up in their own lives.

I listen to a lot of podcasts - i walk and listen to them and its so comforting. Maybe that might work for you?

Also - i am not one to diagnose but sometimes when everything seems negative and life is joyless it can be a medical issue. I suffer from depression (i am not saying you are) and things can seem grey when i am in a low. Maybe have a chat with your gp next time you are in.

You sound like a really lovely person OP.

via4

If it was possible for your living situation have you ever considered getting a dog? If you don't already have one of course. They can offer great company. Also do you have any family members with young kids? Maybe you could offer to take their kids to the cinema or park etc. Kids can really make you laugh at times and they bring no negative energy. Are there any old friends you could try and reconnect with? Also I know the feeling of spending evenings alone it can be very boring indeed haha...if a guy on tinder asks me to do something iv decided why not it gets me out of the house and if anything we could end up being mates. But I know I can get into that rut very fast so I keep pushing myself no matter how hard it can get. For me now iv lazed about all day so even though I feel I have no energy I am gunna get Up now n go do a few messages and go around the shops same as yesterday but sure it's better than sitting at home thinking. I have learned it's just about filling your week with activities meeting up with ppl when they are free and stay open to meeting new people.

shamrock2004

anneperkins wrote: »

I feel so incredibly lonely. I have friends and my family live close to me (although i havent seen or spoken to them in a long time...its a long story to be honest) but all day every day i just feel so alone. I know i am going through a difficult period in my life but a lot of the time i feel this would be helped if i didnt spend so much time by myself. Most evenings after work i am alone and dont speak to anyone. At weekends i might see a friend one evening or afternoon for a few hours but other than that I am by myself for the rest. I feel like i am starting to become so angry that this is happening to me....why doesnt anyone in my life think that i might need help or kindness? I have tried the meetups thing and whilst in the moment its good and i feel better, afterwards i somehow feel worse that i spent time talking to people that really know nothing about me, and i know nothing about them....does that make sense? I find it all a bit false and am not sure it is for me. I know i am being pessimistic though because right now i cant see the positive in anything. I feel like screaming "why doesnt anyone realise what i am going through?" "why doesnt anyone want to help me get through this?" i find now that i dont even want to go outside the front door unless i have to, because i feel so jealous of people who are not alone. I feel so sad when i see elderly people alone that i have to look away because i worry that when they are at home, they feel as alone as i do.

Im just so tired of feeling like this. When will it not be like this? I have done counselling and it hasnt really helped.

I know it sounds like i dont, but i do try to keep busy. But theres only so many shopping centres, trips to the gym, car drives to the supermarket etc a person can do. To be honest being around people like this is starting to make things worse i think. I actually feel jealous of people i dont even know....which is not normal i know. I am so jealous of people who have someone. I dont want to feel this way but i do.

Thanks for reading.

Hey. I went through something similar. All friends in long term relationships / married / kids and I felt a little bit left behind. It felt like all of my time was spent working and life was passing me by and any free time I had, I spent on my own more or less. Then I joined a cycling club and really got into it. It was the best thing I ever did. I met new people, lost weight and am the fittest I've been in years. Perhaps speak to your doctor first if you feel down and also maybe try and find a new group hobby which you will enjoy and will involve meeting and spending time with people.