Dealing with other peoples bold children

detoxkid

I have two children, one just turned two, the other four months. Today I brought them to a play centre. I was on my own with them so I spent my time following the two year old and playing with her. There was a boy who approached my daughter a few times. He kicked a ball deliberately into her. He kicked a ball deliberately into me. He tried to pull the jumper off another child. He kicked my daughter again. He seemed to pick on the small girls and it seemed deliberate. His mother was nowhere to be seen. My daughter started roaring crying so I comforted her, and eventually told her to keep away from the bold boy. A man came up to me and said he had seen the boy kick my daughter and that he was only went near girls. When I was leaving I saw the boy in a different section of the play centre and his mother was giving out to him for the same thing. I'm writing this post because I don't think I approached the situation right and wanted advice on what I should have done. I didn't say anything to the boy - I figured he wasn't my child to give out to. But I dont want my daughter to think that behaviour is right or that mammy will do nothing when she is being treated like that.

RGDATA!

detoxkid wrote: »

I have two children, one just turned two, the other four months. Today I brought them to a play centre. I was on my own with them so I spent my time following the two year old and playing with her. There was a boy who approached my daughter a few times. He kicked a ball deliberately into her. He kicked a ball deliberately into me. He tried to pull the jumper off another child. He kicked my daughter again. He seemed to pick on the small girls and it seemed deliberate. His mother was nowhere to be seen. My daughter started roaring crying so I comforted her, and eventually told her to keep away from the bold boy. A man came up to me and said he had seen the boy kick my daughter and that he was only went near girls. When I was leaving I saw the boy in a different section of the play centre and his mother was giving out to him for the same thing. I'm writing this post because I don't think I approached the situation right and wanted advice on what I should have done. I didn't say anything to the boy - I figured he wasn't my child to give out to. But I dont want my daughter to think that behaviour is right or that mammy will do nothing when she is being treated like that.

if your girl kicked someone else while you weren't looking, how would you like the other child's parent to deal with it?

eviltwin

detoxkid wrote: »

I have two children, one just turned two, the other four months. Today I brought them to a play centre. I was on my own with them so I spent my time following the two year old and playing with her. There was a boy who approached my daughter a few times. He kicked a ball deliberately into her. He kicked a ball deliberately into me. He tried to pull the jumper off another child. He kicked my daughter again. He seemed to pick on the small girls and it seemed deliberate. His mother was nowhere to be seen. My daughter started roaring crying so I comforted her, and eventually told her to keep away from the bold boy. A man came up to me and said he had seen the boy kick my daughter and that he was only went near girls. When I was leaving I saw the boy in a different section of the play centre and his mother was giving out to him for the same thing. I'm writing this post because I don't think I approached the situation right and wanted advice on what I should have done. I didn't say anything to the boy - I figured he wasn't my child to give out to. But I dont want my daughter to think that behaviour is right or that mammy will do nothing when she is being treated like that.

I would say it to a staff member, let them deal with it. How old was the boy?

detoxkid

eviltwin wrote: »

I would say it to a staff member, let them deal with it. How old was the boy?

Why didn't I think of that....he was around three.

dori_dormer

Honestly i would ask the child to stop kicking your child , say that it hurts, and move away from the situation.
Children that age test boundaries. Especially when their parents aren't around.
I wouldn't be labelling the child, telling them they are bold or mean etc, or touching them in any way, like moving them away, but simply telling them that something hurts i think is ok without yelling or giving out.
Mentioning to the staff that a child that age is unsupervised and hurting other kids would happen next for me.

One eyed Jack

detoxkid wrote: »

Why didn't I think of that....he was around three.

Probably because you weren't expecting it tbh. It's horrible when it happens, but I've taught my child from a young age too that retaliation would only lead to an escalation. You did the right thing in so far as not confronting the other child, especially in that scenario, and it does appear that their parent wasn't impressed by their behaviour either.

bp

Whenever that happens to my kids and their parent isn't around I tell the child not to do it. I would expect others to say it to my child if it occurred. Not in a mean way but just say "please don't hit/ kick it isn't very nice and it hurts...good boy/ girl"

Queen-Mise

bp wrote:

Whenever that happens to my kids and their parent isn't around I tell the child not to do it. I would expect others to say it to my child if it occurred. Not in a mean way but just say "please don't hit/ kick it isn't very nice and it hurts...good boy/ girl"

I agree.

There were small children climbing up and down a tall stairs in tescos one day unsupervised. I asked/told them to stop. It would have been far too easy for one of the kids to have gotten a five/six ft fall.

A very simple, 'don't hit, it is not nice'.

Roesy

Same as the others, 'Don't hit my child please' and move away from the situation. I would also mention it to a staff member if it happened again but I'd be surprised if they acted on it!

cbyrd

You're the grown up, if the other parent is not around I would have no hesitation in telling the other child to stop. Politeness only breeds resentment.

pwurple

A three year old should be well able to understand you. Ask them to stop. I've done that, and kept a sharp eye on them afterward to make sure they understood.

Can you do the Mammy Eye? The look you give when they half-glance at you, and you make sure they know you are watching. Very effective, on my own kids too. My friends call it the "Don't you dare" look. Works best after a chat where you ask them to stop something of course, otherwise you're just a random nutter giving weird looks!

Anyone watching the US version of The Slap?
Relates to this thread.

Big Bag of Chips

I've never approached a staff member to deal with a 3 year old! I'd usually say "No... That's not nice", and keep an eye on them then. The "Mammy eye" works wonders too, but only after you've told them to stop! Your children are quite small, you're only starting on this treacherous road! You'll get better at it.

A 3 year old is only a baby themselves. So saying a firm "No", usually works. They might move on to a different child but they tend to leave yours alone!

peckdunn

I agree - a firm "No" or "Stop that" should be enough. It's what I would want another parent say to my child if they were doing it - not that they would, of course ;-)

MountainAshIRL

Love pwurples mammy glare I do that too but I agree with everyone else I would say please don't do that its unkind and hurts. If my child was hitting someone other kid and I wasn't there to see it I would absolutly expect another adult or older child to say something.

Emmadilema123

It's hard to know what to do in those situations especially as you don't know how the parent of the other child will react if the child becomes upset for being told off. I approach it differently in different situations. In play centres I usually remove my children from the situation but my son has an issue with no justice lol so I always say come away and we can write his mammy a letter later to tell her what happened. I worked in a play centre as a young teenager and unfortunately sometimes parents have less sense than the kids.

My son is ok in those situations but my daughter is 3 and very fiesty. I would never put it past her to take a swipe at someone. It's s phase and she will become more skilled with her emotions as she gets older. When they were younger I would have been very quick to look at another child and label them bold but now with 5 yr old a 3 yr old and a small baby, I know better and that these things are par for the course for some little ones and nothing that some good parenting can't fix over time.

olaola

If my little fella was acting the maggot out of my supervision, I'd hope someone would tell him to cop on. A stranger telling him that he's being bold would have more of an impact than me, might scare some sense into him! It takes a village and all that. He's a relatively decent enough fellow, but if he's acting up at playgroup, I have no issues whatsoever with other adults telling him off.

evolving_doors

Ya its just hard to know exactly how to act when the adrenaline is pumping so don't be too hard on yourself. At the very least your daughter had learned that there are bad situations in life and it's not all unicorns and fairies... But how to learn from the situation?
Tell her 'use your words'.
You can still refer back to the situation and ask her to do some role play.
' pretend I'm the bold boy and I've just kicked you, this is what you do '... 'put out your palm facing the boy and shout 'stop I don't like it' then get your daughter to act it out a few times... Keep repeating the role play over a few days though until her response is almost immediate and automatic.
We had the same situation as you and our kid went through the 'stop, I don't like it' thing. It worked for a while but the other kid just picked on someone else, we told one of the staff but they were useless. So in the end the other kid didnt get their comeuppance!
Time for karate lessons! That can be as much about voice projection as combat too.