"Good Man"?

Frank101

What do you think of this one? I guess I didn't notice so much when I was younger. It's meant to be a sign of kindness, but in a way, it implies that you need encouragement. I can understand why I would have been neutral about this in my teens... to get the kind gesture of approval from an 'assumed' wiser individual. But I'm 26 now, and I see it differently.

It's only ever strangers that I get it from. Maybe if I happen to speak quietly or not make eye contact (at the cash register for example) that they might be more likely to say the words. Or maybe it's got nothing to do with that? I was buying a suit the other day, and the shop assistant must have said it about ten times! I've also noticed Ryan Turbridy says it a bit to men his own age, but then he's naturally condescending.

I know many might say that it means nothing, but that's only part true. It means nothing in that it doesn't bother me, but it does mean something - hence, not all adults do it. Testimony to this; the other day, when finishing an interview, I heard the words "good man". I looked him in the eye and with a deep voice replied something like "good man, thanks"! It felt strange to say, and it seemed as if he thought I was being sarcastic. So there!

You see, if it was 'lad' or 'fella' that you've been called, you can easily point out the rudeness of it, but would someone even know what you mean if you were to say "don't call me good man"??

I sure all this might sound odd to some.

Letree

I use good man a lot, i certainly don't mean it in any patronising or condensing way. Its just words i use when i'm thanking an adult man for something. I even use it with my son although he is late teens.

Good man thanks would be what i use.

johnnyskeleton

I dont think I understand the question

Pagliuca

It's a term of endearment.

Stop trying to make an issue out of it.

boobar

I don't have a problem with the phrase. Never use it myself but wouldn't be offended if someone said good man. If they said good lad, that would be unusual as I'm older than Gandalph.

drunkmonkey

I use good man, feel a little funny saying Good Girl

I say good lad to any fella I think is younger than me.
Work colleagues, anyone doing me a favour etc
I would never say good man, but as I get older it might happen.

Didn't realise this was an insult!

drunkmonkey

bubblypop wrote: »

Didn't realise this was an insult!

It's not and it's not age dependent either, it's a compliment, well done etc. OP is from cork so probably fine to say, Well done Boy to a man.

Robsweezie

When i thank someone, I'd say just thanks or cheers etc. And when I praise I say well done, good job, fair play. And refer to them by name.

I don't bring gender into it eg. Good boy/man, good lad, good girl. It can sound condescending even with the best of intentions.

I don't use pet names either like buddy, pal, mate either.

MarkAnthony

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

I dont think I understand the question

S'all Good-Man! :pac:

Ruu

'Good man yourself.' Along the same lines as sound as a pound.

Filing this one under "little to be worried about"

Avatar MIA

Pagliuca wrote: »

Stop trying to make an issue out of it.

Stop trying to make an issue out of it, there's a good man.

Ruu

Deleted User wrote: »

Filing this one under "little to be worried about"

In a filing cabinet!

cursai

I can understand how it would offend someone who has too much time on their hands and wants to be offended

Pawwed Rig

Really strange way to act in an interview.

realdanbreen

Frank101 wrote: »

What do you think of this one? I guess I didn't notice so much when I was younger. It's meant to be a sign of kindness, but in a way, it implies that you need encouragement. I can understand why I would have been neutral about this in my teens... to get the kind gesture of approval from an 'assumed' wiser individual. But I'm 26 now, and I see it differently.

It's only ever strangers that I get it from. Maybe if I happen to speak quietly or not make eye contact (at the cash register for example) that they might be more likely to say the words. Or maybe it's got nothing to do with that? I was buying a suit the other day, and the shop assistant must have said it about ten times! I've also noticed Ryan Turbridy says it a bit to men his own age, but then he's naturally condescending.

I know many might say that it means nothing, but that's only part true. It means nothing in that it doesn't bother me, but it does mean something - hence, not all adults do it. Testimony to this; the other day, when finishing an interview, I heard the words "good man". I looked him in the eye and with a deep voice replied something like "good man, thanks"! It felt strange to say, and it seemed as if he thought I was being sarcastic. So there!

You see, if it was 'lad' or 'fella' that you've been called, you can easily point out the rudeness of it, but would someone even know what you mean if you were to say "don't call me good man"??

I sure all this might sound odd to some.

Did you get the job?

mahoganygas

I noticed a few Monaghan people who use it as a greeting.

They pick up the phone and say "Good man mahoganygas" instead of "hello".

It always struck me as a strange way to start a conversation.

silverharp

I havnt heard that in years, but my impression is that there is a bit of top down thing to it. A boss might say it to a worker but it would be rude to say it to a boss. I don't think it is worthy of a #hashtag its not meant to be a putdown , in effect it is a compliment , you wouldn't say it to someone you didn't like or respect

gumbo1

When I'm in work I deal with a couple of hundred, maybe even into the thousands, of people every day and would use "good man" a hell of a lot of the time, even to children. Not once ever has anyone taken offence to me saying good man.
It's not ment as an offence or a put down, it's a way of saying thanks or fair play to ya.
If someone were to get offended by me saying good man to them IMO their just looking for a reason to be offended!

Frank101

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Really strange way to act in an interview.

But why? Most replies suggest that it's not offensive.

Frank101

silverharp wrote: »

I havnt heard that in years, but my impression is that there is a bit of top down thing to it. A boss might say it to a worker but it would be rude to say it to a boss.

And there we have it!

So, has anyone ever had 'good man' said to them by someone you'd consider an equal, and thereby realise that this person might somehow think their above you?

Big Nasty

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I use good man, feel a little funny saying Good Girl

'Good woman yourself'

tritium

silverharp wrote: »

I havnt heard that in years, but my impression is that there is a bit of top down thing to it. A boss might say it to a worker but it would be rude to say it to a boss. I don't think it is worthy of a #hashtag its not meant to be a putdown , in effect it is a compliment , you wouldn't say it to someone you didn't like or respect

Pretty much this. I don't think its intended as an insult, but then again neither are expressions such as 'good girl' . if I had the time, inclination and gender studies PhD I'd probably consider how it was unconsciously patronising through assigning certain social and gender assumptions or some such idea. There's also probably a generational thing there. Personally I try (not necessarily consciously) to comment on the act rather than the person when giving praise, so (the slightly American ) good job or just well done would be more my thing

realdanbreen

realdanbreen wrote: »

Did you get the job?

Let me know when you get a chance, good man.

Frank101

realdanbreen wrote: »

Let me know when you get a chance, good man.

I will when Pawwed Rig answers my question.

realdanbreen

Frank101 wrote: »

I will when Pawwed Rig answers my question.

Hey, no need to play hard to get with me, did you get the job?

DEFTLEFTHAND

How do you feel about 'son'?

Dave0301

OP I think you are reading into this saying way too much.

It is as if you are looking to be offended by it deliberately instead of taking it for what it really is. Which in my opinion is a particularly Irish way of praising someone, or also used to greet someone usually of a male gender!

It also depends on the context and tone it is delivered in, as it could be used in a snide or condescending way of course, but context is key.

Olishi4

I think with the interview the man was kind of just saying, well done.

At an interview, it's no secret that you are there to show your best side and you are looking for approval from the interviewer and also a lot of people are nervous in interviews so him saying "good man", I think means that you did a good interview.

You saying it to him doesn't really make sense because he already has the job.

I've seen it said in equal situations for example if someone does you a favour like gives you a lift in their car and when getting out they'd say "good man".

"Good woman" is also used often. No issue really.

yourdeadwright

Personally good man is fine but I hate people who call you lad or Pal ,
Lad I'm 33 year of age don't call me lad and anyone that call's you Pal isn't your Pal ,

Frank101

bubblypop wrote: »

I say good lad to any fella I think is younger than me.
Work colleagues, anyone doing me a favour etc
I would never say good man, but as I get older it might happen.

Didn't realise this was an insult!

We can agree to differ on 'good man', but you would want to take 'lad' out of your repertoire for addressing people.

Amalgam

Frank101, what's the story bud!

Frank101

realdanbreen wrote: »

Hey, no need to play hard to get with me, did you get the job?

I wont be gettin the job and that was why I said it in first place... i could tell by the way interview went.

Olishi4

Frank101 wrote: »

I wont be gettin the job and that was why I said it in first place... i could tell by the way interview went.

Sorry to hear that Frank. Onto the next interview.

Most people come out of interviews thinking that they didn't do well and often they did and do end up getting the job.

When I read your op, the first thing I thought when you said that he said "good man" was, that you got the job. Then when you said the "good man thanks" in response I thought, he blew it by jumping to conclusions and may have come across as a bit defensive.

MayoAreMagic

Frank101 wrote: »

And there we have it!

So, has anyone ever had 'good man' said to them by someone you'd consider an equal, and thereby realise that this person might somehow think their above you?

There can be an element of this alright. I think it can depend on who is using it and in what context. Some people have said it to me and I don't mind, others have said it and my first thought is 'you are a k*ob'. Generally you can tell by their delivery though, which category they fall into.

As for 'pal', 'buddy' or 'horse', or any of that crap, I cant stomach it. Say my name, and if you don't know it, don't pretend we are friends.

Frank101

Frank101 wrote: »

We can agree to differ on 'good man', but you would want to take 'lad' out of your repertoire for addressing people.

Why?
It's not meant to be bad, I occasionally call people pet too.
Do you think I am in someway patronising them?
No one has ever said anything to me about it.
I see the lads I work with saying ' good man' all the time, to each other, to the public.

Pawwed Rig

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

How do you feel about 'son'?

Or boy?

Frank101

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

How do you feel about 'son'?

that's more of an American one. That would probably be more offensive as far as I'm aware

One eyed Jack

Frank101 wrote: »

We can agree to differ on 'good man', but you would want to take 'lad' out of your repertoire for addressing people.

Ahh they wouldn't at all in fairness. If I'd been interviewing you it's entirely likely I would have said good man as I usually conduct an informal interview style, but if you did the whole voice deepening thing, it wouldn't even be what you'd say, but the way you said it. I'd be wondering what was that about?

As for calling people 'lad', I'd often say those sorts of things, I'll call a group of women lads in an informal way and nobody ponders anything deeper meaning. In a formal context I wouldn't use it, but I'm rarely ever formal!

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

I'm glad the consensus is it's fine because I use it very frequently, and the same with 'good woman'. It can mean 'thanks' 'congratulations' 'I think you've made a good decision', loads of things depending on context, like Jack says the only subtext it carries is that it denotes an informal interaction. 'Good lad' or 'good boy' I'd only ever ever use when speaking to a child though.

Frankly the whole deepening the voice thing and so on comes across as the behaviour of someone who's overly concerned with dominance and respect in social interactions, to the point where you're badly misreading those interactions

johnphillips

Good man is fine in my book! The intention is what's key!

Roselm

bubblypop wrote: »

I say good lad to any fella I think is younger than me.
Work colleagues, anyone doing me a favour etc
I would never say good man, but as I get older it might happen.

Didn't realise this was an insult!

But it sort of IS the way you use it-ie would come across patronising if you're basing it on age and saying it to colleagues!

Wibbs

Nalani Huge Mars wrote: »

Frankly the whole deepening the voice thing and so on comes across as the behaviour of someone who's overly concerned with dominance and respect in social interactions, to the point where you're badly misreading those interactions

+1000. I'd be thinking WTF in such a circumstance TBH. Now if it was for a behind the scenes position and the qualifications and all the rest went grand it would be less an issue and figure it was down to nerves, but if it was for a front of house position dealing with the public I'd be concerned.

Roselm

Roselm wrote: »

But it sort of IS the way you use it-ie would come across patronising if you're basing it on age and saying it to colleagues!

No, its like calling someone pet.
Trust me no one I work with is patronized by it. I'm regularly told ' good woman' by many people & I don't think anything of it.

Pawwed Rig

Wibbs wrote: »

+1000. I'd be thinking WTF in such a circumstance TBH. Now if it was for a behind the scenes position and the qualifications and all the rest went grand it would be less an issue and figure it was down to nerves, but if it was for a front of house position dealing with the public I'd be concerned.

You are more tolerant than me. I would put it in the weirdo pile and ensure that my recommendation was DO NOT HIRE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

Rockstreams

Nalani Huge Mars wrote: »

I'm glad the consensus is it's fine because I use it very frequently, and the same with 'good woman'. It can mean 'thanks' 'congratulations' 'I think you've made a good decision', loads of things depending on context, like Jack says the only subtext it carries is that it denotes an informal interaction. 'Good lad' or 'good boy' I'd only ever ever use when speaking to a child though.

Frankly the whole deepening the voice thing and so on comes across as the behaviour of someone who's overly concerned with dominance and respect in social interactions, to the point where you're badly misreading those interactions

What is this deepening of the voice thing?

Dial Hard

Rockstreams wrote:

What is this deepening of the voice thing?

The OP "deepened" his voice when he said "Good man" back to the interviewer, for reasons clear only to himself.

One eyed Jack

Roselm wrote: »

But it sort of IS the way you use it-ie would come across patronising if you're basing it on age and saying it to colleagues!

Roselm it's likely how you'd take it and I'd always be conscious and considerate of that too, but if I felt insulted every time women older than me, younger than me called me the whole freakin' a to z of pet names, I'd never be able to work with them.

I get called babe, star and hun more times a day than I'm called my own name! :pac: Sure, it bothers me sometimes when it's just insincere, which is what I think may have happened in the OP's case with the voice deepening and the "good man" back to the chap as if the OP was taking the piss out of the interviewer or as electro says more likely the whole dominance thing and terrible reading of a social interaction.

The only thing I could really advise the OP to do is get some interview coaching or something, to learn how to behave in an interview and good luck with the next one.

Pawwed Rig

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I get called babe

Can we call you this from now on?

I particularly dislike being called luv or sir but wouldn't push back on it unless I knew the person

One eyed Jack

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Can we call you this from now on?

I particularly dislike being called luv or sir but wouldn't push back on it unless I knew the person

Bad enough that the pricks back in secondary school stuck "babe magnet" underneath my yearbook photo back then when I said "Write whatever you like, sure who's going to see it", bloody books went on sale to raise funds for the school, I wasn't let live that one down for a while :pac: