I worry too much

LegacyUser

(Long post)(sorry!)

I don't know what it is but have always felt this way from as long as I can remember. I worry and get anxious over the smallest of things in the world and feel that it is preventing me from reaching any milestones in life.

As I said I feel this way for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid in school I was very shy and found it hard to click with a group of friends. I would get anxious and scared to even look at someone and say hello. It went as far as my not even having the courage to ask the teacher could I use the toilet which would result in really bad pains. I had a fear of speaking in front of class or even to ask the teacher in person was hard. There was a sort of "bullying" involved where a group of lads I feared would come up to talk to me but I feared them that much it led to me telling the teacher each lunch break I "wasn't feeling well" just so I wouldn't have to go out to the yard on lunchtime and I would sit in. The teacher asked on occassions was it definitely a sickness or was anything happening outside and I continuously told her no I was geneuinly not feeling good.

Even up to know I feel the same in certain circumstances. When in college we would all be asked about a project that we done and what we thought. While the lecturer was asking each person I would worry a lot about what I as going to say and feel myself shaking about the thoughts of speaking to her. I think this was due to the fact if I said something that wasn't good enough the lecturer would usually make embarrassing remarks and this would make me feel terrible about myself. There was another time we were asked to read a case study and then we would be asked questions about it and I focused so much on finding answers to what they'd ask I would not know what I was reading. When asked what I felt what was important I couldn't find anything. I had no idea what the case study was about and sat there and did not open my mouth. It was like Eminems movie 8 mile where he is about to rap on stage and chokes (best way to describe my feeling).
Even in situations where I want to ask friends out for drinks I fear they'll respond saying they're busy so I don't and when I do ask I feel that I'm asking them to do something they don't want to do. I sometimes just ask with no intentions of going out just to hear the responses which are usually no or go a different night.

I feel that I cannot be brave enough to stand up for myself or friends/family. I found myself in situations where remarks would be made towards myself or friend for no reason and I choose to ignore it (which I know is the best idea to walk away) but then there are some situations where you cannot walk away and have to defend yourself but I don't, I sit and take all of the abuse until someone intervenes to help. One time on the first day of college I sat in the front of the class and lads behind kept making sly remarks infront of the whole class for a whole hour and all I done was sit faced towards the class in fear of defending myself by saying something idiotic which would give them even more reason to slag. There were girls in the class that were defending me by having pity on me and telling them to leave me alone and there response was "we're only messing" This has also happened many times while with my girlfriend and she has always defended me. I feel embarrassed that I cannot defend her and fear this will result in us not being able to achieve what we want in life because I'll be too scared do anything and I'm holding her back from doing what she wants.

Has anyone got any suggestions on how to overcome these situations or give advice on what I can do to make myself a more confident person. It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

zSparc

I feel you OP. Had pretty much the same feeling, every little thing turns into a drama in my head. When I had no worries I used to make up some abstract ones. Tormented myself to the point where I started suffering from depression.
What I think helped me personally (which may not be the case for you) was:

1. My wife for 18 years falling for my mate. It's been a turning point that made me realise that I can do my best and plan but it's impossible to control, plan and predict life. When things happen - they happen and there is nothing I can do about it.

Important one - 2. Went to my GP and got a medication, which I have been on for 6 months. I stayed off drink for them 6 months.

3. I thought a lot about life and all these things from my past and I came to a conclusion that, hell, this is my life and I will live my life the way I want to. Not the way social media tell me, not the way my friends tell me. Me, myself and I all the way. Don't care what others think.
4. I discovered (to my great surprise!) that tomorrow I may be dead. What then? What would be my last thought? That I've spent my entire life making it miserable for myself? Not a chance.
5. Extreme sports. They help a lot to deal with frustration and boost confidence a lot. MTB, skydiving, jetski - anything.
6. Holidays on my own - I've never had better time and made more friends. On my own with a beer, on the beach, from day one, with a big smile, I've met fantastic people, some of them I am still in touch with. Just book a flight and go with the flow. Don't care, don't worry. I came back a different person.

Yhm, I don't know if you can/want to implement any of these in your life, but if you have no other ideas go and talk to your GP. Safest bet if you have no other ideas.