Should a groom pay 50/50 for bridesmaids accessories?

davidfitz22

Hi guys. We are getting married next year and for saving we are splitting all costs 50/50. My fiance insists this includes the bridesmaids dresses makeup and hair. I am paying for my own groomsmens suits and my suit so I don't see why I need to fork out for the bridesmaids too. Should this aspect be kept separate or should we just total the both up and split it 50/50.
Thanks in advance.

rainbowtrout

Surely if you are splitting all costs 50/50 this would include all bridesmaids and groomsmen related expenses. Just split the total in half.

ElleEm

I agree with the above. You will both be contributing 50/50 so put all that money in one pot and all the wedding expenses should come out of it.

threescompany

I agree with above posters too. If you are putting all the money in one pot & just taking everything out of that I don't see the problem.

funk-you

You're getting married. Think about what that means. Your life is now 50/50. Don't get hung up on the small stuff before you've started.

-Funk

Gatica

I thought by the time you're getting married couples finances are kind of merged. One will usually earn more than the other, but wouldn't necessarily go on extravagant holidays without the other etc... So in terms of saving for anything together, I would assume each would do the same bit for it proportionally. This would include the wedding and all the trimmings that go with it. Now if she were to have a fancy expensive hen and expect you to have your stag at home, that would be different, and unfair. However, groomsmen and bridal party outfits and gifts are usually part and parcel of the whole wedding so it wouldn't seem odd to me to share all those costs. So if you're feeling hard done by then pay for the suits out of the wedding funds too.

ArthurG

I'll probably get into trouble for saying this, but if you can't resolve something like this between yourselves now, without the aid of randomers on the internet, how will you manage with more challenging problems when married?.

Tefral

The whole thing should be split down the middle. I.E she pays for half your suit and half the bestmans stuff also.

My wife and I have two separate accounts and everything is split 50/50, so when one of us forked out something for the wedding the other gave half the money. Its a no-brainer.

Don't make it any harder than it needs to be.

Split everything 50/50 as agreed. Find out what she's spending on bridesmaids and spend the same on the groomsmen, nice cufflinks, shoes, even watches if she's feeling particularly extravagant.

ted1

davidfitz22 wrote: »

Hi guys. We are getting married next year and for saving we are splitting all costs 50/50. My fiance insists this includes the bridesmaids dresses makeup and hair. I am paying for my own groomsmens suits and my suit so I don't see why I need to fork out for the bridesmaids too. Should this aspect be kept separate or should we just total the both up and split it 50/50.
Thanks in advance.

You need to understand your getting married and you no longer have your money and her money. It becomes communal money

stampydmonkey

Yeah in the same boat. Everything 50/50 for wedding and general life expenses (shopping, bills, rent etc). No issues.

Trying to rationalise what the initial cost is before splitting it 50/50 is a little more difficult at times...ie the price of wedding stuff is a fcuking joke!

ECO_Mental

cronin_j wrote: »

The whole thing should be split down the middle. I.E she pays for half your suit and half the bestmans stuff also.

My wife and I have two separate accounts and everything is split 50/50, so when one of us forked out something for the wedding the other gave half the money. Its a no-brainer.

Don't make it any harder than it needs to be.

You are making it harder..... get a joint bank account put both your wages into that and be done with it. Think of the complications to come when hopefully ye might have children in a couple of years. "I bought nappies yesterday" etc etc

lawred2

davidfitz22 wrote: »

Hi guys. We are getting married next year and for saving we are splitting all costs 50/50. My fiance insists this includes the bridesmaids dresses makeup and hair. I am paying for my own groomsmens suits and my suit so I don't see why I need to fork out for the bridesmaids too. Should this aspect be kept separate or should we just total the both up and split it 50/50.
Thanks in advance.

lol

you're getting married to this woman and you're worried about who pays what?

what's hers is yours; yours is hers etc .. you don't have to wait for your wedding day for that to be the norm

lawred2

ECO_Mental wrote: »

You are making it harder..... get a joint bank account put both your wages into that and be done with it. Think of the complications to come when hopefully ye might have children in a couple of years. "I bought nappies yesterday" etc etc

that's what we did

this 'my money' 'your money' stuff is a waste of energy

Stealthfins

You may as well go 50/50 while the going is good.
When you have kid's mortgage and family commitments it'll be 90/10.

Family commitments,kid's 90
Fishing gear,surfboards etc 10

Wishing you luck with all that,hope it goes well...

minikin

ted1 wrote: »

You need to understand your getting married and you no longer have your money and her money. It becomes her money

Fixed your post.

nikkibikki

ECO_Mental wrote:

You are making it harder..... get a joint bank account put both your wages into that and be done with it. Think of the complications to come when hopefully ye might have children in a couple of years. "I bought nappies yesterday" etc etc

Agree. OP, ye are building a life together. We did this before we were even engaged. Hubby was out of work for an extended period of time. I didn't come after him for half of the mortgage and electricity bill every month. Vice versa now when I am out of work sick. All wedding costs were paid from our joint funds. Come to think of it, the venue deposit was paid out of my work bonus, I didn't dream of looking for his half off him!

Akrasia

davidfitz22 wrote: »

Hi guys. We are getting married next year and for saving we are splitting all costs 50/50. My fiance insists this includes the bridesmaids dresses makeup and hair. I am paying for my own groomsmens suits and my suit so I don't see why I need to fork out for the bridesmaids too. Should this aspect be kept separate or should we just total the both up and split it 50/50.
Thanks in advance.

Jayses, that's a wierd way to start your marriage, by squabbling over the cost of purses and shoes for your wife's bridal party.....

Akrasia

lawred2 wrote: »

that's what we did

this 'my money' 'your money' stuff is a waste of energy

And it completely breaks down should one of you get sick or unemployed.

Ok dear, I'll pay for your half of the shopping, you just pay me back when that cancer is cured (or I can take out of your life assurance policy... have you been paying that by the way?)

mickoneill31

I agree with all of the other posters. Myself and my missus have a system that works well for us

100% of wages go into one account. All bills, mortgage, grocery expenses, joint excursions like holidays etc. etc. come out from there.
We have our own accounts that we transfer our pocket money to. Depends on yourselves how much this is but this pocket money is the same for both of us and we can spend it on whatever we want.
We also have a rule that bonuses from work are our own to spend.

My missus likes her shoes and her perfume. This way she can throw all of her money away on a pair of shoes and it doesn't bother me.

The wedding expenses would fall into the joint excursions category.

We normally keep our joint account close enough to zero (once the bills are paid off). Any extra goes towards the mortgage. If you find you've a pile left over at the end of the month (unlikely) then you can increase your pocket money allowance. It's a bit of a juggling act but it's working OK for us. Occasionally one of us will overspend or want to buy something big. Then the joint account is like a bank. It'll lend us the money but we have to pay it back.

foxatron

Tell her to do one!

bbbbb

A little harsh on the op?
We have "common" money (bills, car, holidays, etc) and "own" money ( clothes, hobbies etc.)
Within reason, I don't check with my wife if I want to buy a new jacket but similarly don't expect her to pay half.
In this case I would see either:
Dresses and suits are part of the wedding = common money, or
One party wants to do something special/different that might be relatively out of budget, in which case could be own money

pwurple

davidfitz22 wrote: »

Hi guys. We are getting married next year and for saving we are splitting all costs 50/50. My fiance insists this includes the bridesmaids dresses makeup and hair. I am paying for my own groomsmens suits and my suit so I don't see why I need to fork out for the bridesmaids too. Should this aspect be kept separate or should we just total the both up and split it 50/50.
Thanks in advance.

If you are paying for the suits solo, then she should pay for the dresses solo.

If it's joint for the suits, it's joint for the dresses.

Don't think that's overly complicated.

Pick one approach and stick to it.


We had a budget (well, an excel file), and a savings account which we both contributed to. IIRC, the suits were about about 3 times the price of the dresses! But I'm not bitter.

lawred2

bbbbb wrote: »

A little harsh on the op?
We have "common" money (bills, car, holidays, etc) and "own" money ( clothes, hobbies etc.)
Within reason, I don't check with my wife if I want to buy a new jacket but similarly don't expect her to pay half.
In this case I would see either:
Dresses and suits are part of the wedding = common money, or
One party wants to do something special/different that might be relatively out of budget, in which case could be own money

I know a couple who talk about their 'own' money so I know it's different folks different strokes and whatever works is whatever works..

But I've never got the concept of having your own money in a marriage - i.e. if one party wants something that they can't afford out of their own stack; do they borrow from the other?

Akrasia

pwurple wrote: »

If you are paying for the suits solo, then she should pay for the dresses solo.

If it's joint for the suits, it's joint for the dresses.

Don't think that's overly complicated.

Pick one approach and stick to it.


We had a budget (well, an excel file), and a savings account which we both contributed to. IIRC, the suits were about about 3 times the price of the dresses! But I'm not bitter.

I can't see the 'you pay for bridal stuff and I pay for groomy stuff' plan working though. What if the groom earns more and decides to buy suits and shoes etc for all of his groomsmen, but the bride can't afford it and has to ask her bridesmaids to pay for their own accessories.

That would be very embarrassing for the bride.
What if the bride decides she wants a big bridal party but the groom only wants his brother because he can't afford to pay for suits for 5 people...

What if the bride wants to have every cousin, neighbour and acquaintance at the wedding, but the groom can only afford to invite immediate family and a few close friends?

A wedding is an event that is supposed to be uniting two people into one common marriage. If they can't even agree on how to pay for the wedding amongst themselves, it's not a good start.

The op and his fiance should agree on how much they can afford/are prepared to spend on the whole event, and then divide the spending depending on what they both agree are the most important elements to make it work for both of them. Give and take, that's what a marriage is about.

Milly33

MMm very odd one I must say..I must say it caught my eye..

Well if ye are going splits then it should be splits 50/50 down the middle for everything to do with the wedding. So Bridesmaids and Groomsmen are included..

Splits is splits.... If you start saying well I paid for this and you paid for that it doesn't work and yer bound for a barney..

Would ye not maybe do out a budget to see how much it all will cost and then both of ye put money into the fund and then split it.. The only trouble I would see if that lets say the bridesmaids cost €300 and the Groomsmen cost €200 ye should have a rule that it doesn't matter. If you have extra money left over on your side (and the same for her) treat yerself with something nice for eachother perhaps...

mickoneill31

lawred2 wrote: »

I know a couple who talk about their 'own' money so I know it's different folks different strokes and whatever works is whatever works..

But I've never got the concept of having your own money in a marriage - i.e. if one party wants something that they can't afford out of their own stack; do they borrow from the other?

I'd say yes. My missus has huuuuuuugely expensive tastes. If we didn't have our own pocket money she'd be going around wearing Prada clothes and I'd be wearing Penneys (nothing wrong with Penneys, just using them as an example).

For example. Both of us need a car for work. She likes Mercs. We could afford a Merc but we're never both going to agree on the car. I drive a Fiesta.
So we agreed that both of us have a budget from our shared pool and a budget for tax / insurance / maintenance per year. So both of us could spend up to our budget with no impact on pocket money. If either of us (her) wanted to spend daft money they can borrow from our shared pool and just pay it back out of pocket money each month until it's done.

It might sound bureaucratic but it means we have no arguments about money and it reigns in any mad spending. If my oh agreed to borrow money for her Merc it means she understands that it'll affect her spending until it's paid off. If we didn't have that she'd be driving a Merc and I'd probably be thinking "I should buy one too".

Now don't get me started on handbags.

Chickarooney

Oh the romance of it all.

Alf Veedersane

Any money that is being spent on the wedding that wouldn't be spent otherwise should be split 50/50. Splitting it into who pays for what within that overcomplicates it.

threetrees

I would also have thought married couples don't have separate money or accounts. No 50/50, just 100% from the joint account.

December2012

I think you should be sharing the costs BUT you should be mindful of the budget and considerate of any pressures spending on your bridal party adds. Why isn't she paying towards your groomsmen suits?

Alf Veedersane

We have a joint account for bills for stuff for the house, for Littl'un etc.

After that, our own money is our own.

She's inclined to spend a lot more than me on 'luxuries' and I know if it was coming from the one pot, she'd be less inclined to treat herself. This way, she treats herself when she wants because its her money. Simple really.

Milly33

But that isn't a wedding (mickoneill31 ye type way to fast).. That's everyday life!! I do see the sense in dealing with things that way, kinda like it that I don't but then I would be up for well if you want your prada bag off you go and buy it yourself, in saying that I would never deny him a scubbie and would gladly give him money to buy it...

But a wedding would be very hard to control that way.... There will be somethings that he wants and something she wants and they wont match.. Splits isn't bad idea but I would defo do a budget before hand of how much ye want to spend and work the split that way

Keane2baMused

The wedding is ultimately one big bill is it not? Therefore I would treat it like any other and split the costs 50/50.

Anything extra outside what you have agreed (for instance if one wants a crazy hen/stag abroad) I would believe this should be paid for out of your own 'miscellaneous' budget.

OP you are going down a dodgy road if you do the 'I paid for, you pay for' route. Unless it's how you have always done things then maybe it's second nature?

Edited to say this of course should be within reason, nobody should be expected to fund 5 bridesmaids dresses at 500 euro a piece, so it has to be within an agreed cost for 50/50 to be fair.

Wabbit Ears

I dont see how it makes sense to pay for things 50/50 simply because it just unrealistic to think that's not going to cause fights.

We have seperate bank accounts but this are paid for by both of is and when one has less the other pays. It just evens itself out and, really, who cares who spends more, it's all her money anyway ( I wish that's were a joke, but it's either not or the jokes on me).

I'm gonna agree with an earlier poster, if this is a sticking point, marriage will be a huge culture shock for you!

Pistachios & cream

We setup a joint account and paid all the wedding expenses from that.

However we also put a maximum budget on everything. So bridesmaids and groomsmen outfits we agreed on a maximum budget, if either of us wanted to splash out on something that put it over budget than we either had to agree it was worth the expense and should come from the wedding budget or else the person wanting to spend more had to pay for it.

It sounds like ye are not on the same page on what should be paid from the wedding budget, maybe take a look at this.

mickoneill31

Milly33 wrote: »

But that isn't a wedding (mickoneill31 ye type way to fast)..

I'm bored.

Milly33 wrote: »

That's everyday life!! I do see the sense in dealing with things that way, kinda like it that I don't but then I would be up for well if you want your prada bag off you go and buy it yourself, in saying that I would never deny him a scubbie and would gladly give him money to buy it...

But a wedding would be very hard to control that way.... There will be somethings that he wants and something she wants and they wont match.. Splits isn't bad idea but I would defo do a budget before hand of how much ye want to spend and work the split that way

Dunno. Unless you're both on the same page and have similar tastes one may want a rolls royce wedding and the other may want a registry office. You compromise by agreeing the budget (the pool) and then use that to pay. That way if one of the couple wants to spend thousands on one part of the wedding they know they have a limit.

It's all very romantic
But it avoids murder.

ChewChew

Is this really a thing?? I'm getting married next year. We have money in our wedding bank savings account. We've both contributed to it because we both get paid to one account and then a sum gets put into savings. There is no 50/50. There is no split it down the middle. It is OUR money together so we will both pay for everything together and equally within our budget!

solerina

We have a joint account...all house bills and our yearly holidays come from that. We both put in a certain amount of money into that account...me fortnightly, OH lump sum once a year.
We both use our own personal accounts for everything else ( clothes, cars etc).
You need to sort out some type of agreement before you get married OP...I would be worried that ye are not able to arrange something as simple as wedding expenses ( ours came from our joint account)

Pistachios & cream

solerina wrote: »

We have a joint account...all house bills and our yearly holidays come from that. We both put in a certain amount of money into that account...me fortnightly, OH lump sum once a year.
We both use our own personal accounts for everything else ( clothes, cars etc).
You need to sort out some type of agreement before you get married OP...I would be worried that ye are not able to arrange something as simple as wedding expenses ( ours came from our joint account)

Yup we do the same, prior to getting married we split 50/50 but once we got engaged we setup a joint account for the wedding and after the wedding we both started contributing to the joint account and swithched the bills to come out of it.

hardCopy

50/50 really only makes sense if you both earn equal money. We pooled our savings to pay for our wedding and house deposit. We each brought different amounts to the table based on our previous savings history.

Agree on a budget and contribute what you have, don't get hung up on marking each other. The girlie parts of the wedding are always going to cost vastly more than the grooms bits, unless the groom wears a custom made white lace suit, fake tan and professional makeup.

Milly33

ChewChew wrote: »

Is this really a thing?? I'm getting married next year. We have money in our wedding bank savings account. We've both contributed to it because we both get paid to one account and then a sum gets put into savings. There is no 50/50. There is no split it down the middle. It is OUR money together so we will both pay for everything together and equally within our budget!

To be honest this is the first I have heard of it. We were the same set up a account that we put all the money into and just withdrew when we needed it to pay for things. there was no well you spent this on your outfit so I am spending the same on mine. To me that seems silly as you might get something on sale or well just seems silly really... But everyone is different..

Doing it with everyday life is completely different,

ZeitgeistGlee

davidfitz22 wrote: »

I am paying for my own groomsmens suits and my suit so I don't see why I need to fork out for the bridesmaids too.

As others have said get a joint account and pay for everything out of the one pot, obviously you'll both want to collectively agree with the costs of stuff so you're happy with the amount being spent.

Is there a reason why you're paying for the groomsmen stuff yourself as opposed to going halves as she wants to do with the bridesmaid stuff?

harr

50/50 including your suits ,that or you pay for all the suits and stuff and let her pay for the bridesmaids bits ...but best to get the one bank account and spilt it all down the middle

ChampagnePop

I'm only in the planning stages, I'd have probably assumed to pay for some stuff myself e.g. nails and tan for bridesmaids, but the dresses are a necessary expense for the wedding so they're coming out of the wedding fund.

Example, I don't expect him to go 50:50 on wedding magazines, they're unnecessary!!

If you both aren't earning equally at the moment I'd think you'd want to have a serious talk about finances, because your not on the same page

Dial Hard

threetrees wrote: »

I would also have thought married couples don't have separate money or accounts. No 50/50, just 100% from the joint account.

Nope, plenty of couples get paid into their own accounts and each transfer an agreed amount into the joint account for the mortgage, bills, groceries, etc, and anything else is their own.

lawred2 wrote: »

I've never got the concept of having your own money in a marriage - i.e. if one party wants something that they can't afford out of their own stack; do they borrow from the other?

If I couldn't afford something I wanted out of my own money, I couldn't afford it. I certainly wouldn't have asked my husband for the difference.

Mind you, he'd have happily given it to me and it used to drive him mad that I wouldn't ask, but that's just the way I am about money. Weirdly, though, when I out-earned him, if he'd said to me "I can't afford such-and-such" I'd have happily subbed him.

I'm obviously just weird.

eviltwin

Living together 21 years and while we have a communal pot for expenses we still keep our own money. We don't even have a joint bank account. 50/50 is fine but I didn't ask him to pay half my bridal hair and make up or come looking for money for my dress. It's worked well for us. I understand the theory of splitting things down the middle but it's not always practical.

DSN

ChewChew wrote: »

Is this really a thing?? I'm getting married next year. We have money in our wedding bank savings account. We've both contributed to it because we both get paid to one account and then a sum gets put into savings. There is no 50/50. There is no split it down the middle. It is OUR money together so we will both pay for everything together and equally within our budget!

Exactly this. We started on everything in a joint account when we were saving for house & then wedding & 10 years & kids later everything is just 'ours'.
I do know couples where its very much his money v my money even after kids & years of marriage. I don't get it but I suppose if you had a partner who was v bad with money maybe you wouldn't want everything in a joint a/c I don't know.

carltonleon

Dial Hard wrote: »

Nope, plenty of couples get paid into their own accounts and each transfer an agreed amount into the joint account for the mortgage, bills, groceries, etc, and anything else is their own.



If I couldn't afford something I wanted out of my own money, I couldn't afford it. I certainly wouldn't have asked my husband for the difference.

Mind you, he'd have happily given it to me and it used to drive him mad that I wouldn't ask, but that's just the way I am about money. Weirdly, though, when I out-earned him, if he'd said to me "I can't afford such-and-such" I'd have happily subbed him.

I'm obviously just weird.

Nope not weird at all, as that is exactly how myself and my wife work. When she was out earning me she subbed what we needed and I gave what I could. Now Kids etc have come along and she job shares and I have since been promoted I sub what we need and happily do so as she did.

seamus

threetrees wrote: »

I would also have thought married couples don't have separate money or accounts. No 50/50, just 100% from the joint account.

There's no "one size fits all" approach to this.

Money is up there as one of the leading causes of marital tension, so the best approach to money management is whatever results in the least amount of tension.

For some couples that's one partner controlling everything and literally giving the other pocket money. For other couples it's a shared account where each pays in their half of mortgages, bills, etc, and keep the balance for themselves.

Ultimately it comes down to comfort and trust.

Are you comfortable completely sharing a bank account? Do you trust the other party to spend money wisely (not necessarily frugally)? If the answer to either is "No", then a joint account may not be a good idea.

Being comfortable doesn't necessarily mean that you like your privacy. It could be as simple as the comfort of knowing that whatever's in your bank account is yours to spend as you see fit, and not to have worry that the huge purchase you're about to make will see the whole family living on beans for the rest of the month. If you overspend, that's your problem. And some people like that cushion.

In relation to the OP, the same idea applies. Personally I would consider the entire wedding, including the honeymoon to be a shared expense. But if someone's bride-to-be (or indeed groom to be) has a tendency to go all out and ostentatious, forcing her to scale back to what she can afford may be better than giving her a second pot of money to dip into.

Gatica

Dial Hard wrote: »

Nope, plenty of couples get paid into their own accounts and each transfer an agreed amount into the joint account for the mortgage, bills, groceries, etc, and anything else is their own.

This is how we do it too. We transfer agreed portions of our salary into our joint account. This feeds into our regular bills and savings. That way he's free to spend his money on whatever tickles his fancy without me feeling it's coming out of our pot and vice versa. I can save and buy a handbag or whatever, and he can upgrade his PC or get games. It's easier this way because everyone's priorities for their own luxuries is different. I don't expect him to understand women spending 400 on a MK bag (Not that I do, but at least it's my right if I wanted to), this way he can't ask why I'd waste money on it, as it's mine to waste.

On topic though. OP probably needs to figure out how their joint finances and wedding budgeting is going to work before trying to figure out the minutiae of the hers/his wedding budget.