Crippling anxiety ruining my life / career

LegacyUser

Hi,

I dont really know what to say, or why exactly im even here. Suppose advice if anything?

I've always suffered slightly with my nerves / anxiety since I was young. It never really got much in the way of things when I was in school. I was quite, mostly kept to myself but also had a good core group of friends I stuck with throughout.

During my teens / school years, it was mainly small things that got me. Fear of being made read or get up in front of the class, fear of what people thought of me generally, even calls from unknown numbers / texts, or someone knocking at the door I didnt recognize got me going.

This worsened as I got into my later teens and headed towards college.

Again I was mostly quite and kept to myself, but I got on OK moving into college having feared about it for the 3 months leading up to it. I knew 1 lad who got into the same course as me, so I wasnt totally on me own. Through this lad I managed to fit in with a group in college, had he not been in my class im not so sure id have made it through a few weeks.

Over the course of my college years, it began to get very bad, to the point where I wouldnt even walk into the college building / rooms on my own. Same with nights out, wouldnt dream of walking into a pub on my own to meet a group of friends and trying to find them.

While I was good at my studies and had a keen interest throughout, the course involved doing presentations. This was a no no for me. Was sick with worry every time they came up, often went sleepless for nights. The first few I dragged myself through, stuttering and stammering, losing my place, repeating myself, sweating like mad. Then it came to the point where I stopped turning up to them and it greatly affected my grades. I got my partial qualification in the end but couldnt continue to the level I wished having missed the required GPA.

So when it came to looking for a job, it was nightmare. It took weeks for me to build up the courage to even email a few places CV's, nevermind physically and the thoughts of an interview was overwhelming. Months passed of sitting on the dole where enough was enough, I managed to ring a few places and had a couple interviews that went disastrous, but luckly enough 1 company took me on.

Im still in that company today. It took some energy to be able to walk in that door initially and introduce myself and learn the ropes. I done it, but it was prob the hardest thing id done to date. All went well, nice job, nice people.. not customer facing, so didnt have that to worry. Didnt have to take calls.. either worked on my own or with a team of 3/4/5 others id got to know farely well.. Loved it.

Heres the thing, and my current predicament. About a year ago, my boss offered me a promotion, which happened to be a customer facing role which I politely declined, despite it being better pay and more attractive job title to have on a CV.

Fast forward a year later, I have again been offered an even better position but this time it includes a larger customer facing role, as well as taking calls/emails, presentations, travelling.. the lot. Its a position I feel im physically able to do work load wise, but mentally... no chance.

I have spent the whole weekend sleepless, worring sick about it.. Will I say yes/no.. What will I tell my boss. I dont want it to look like I am not career driven, and I would like to do it for the pay, but I dont think I can handle it.

Dont want to face going in tomorrow now.

zoobizoo

Say yes.

Do it for yourself.

You need a way/process/strategy to deal with your anxiety.

First off, go to a bookshop and buy The Feeling Good Handbook or just order it online - lots of practical advice in there.

Then go find a proper psychologist with experience in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. You should be able to find one through your GP so call them now!

It's just a matter of learning about how your worry is effecting your thoughts and how you can combat those anxieties.

You've done so well so far - you just need help to further your journey.

Good luck

Also, you are allowed to say to your boss "look, I'm a bit shy/worried etc"

Your boss believes in you and you capabilities, now it's time for you to do the same

nkav86

Zoobizoo is totally correct, op reading your post is like reading an account of my life. I recently left a job due to my anxiety it had gotten to the worst point it had ever been. I told my family and friends for the first time what I felt and they've been really supportive, I then sought counselling. I'm due to go to my 3rd appointment today and it's really helping. I thought I was crazy, weak, weird but I'm not I just have social anxiety. It felt great to put a name to the demon I was fighting. I'll never be cured but I'm managing, taking more chances, getting out more and thinking of the future. Sometimes you gotta go for it despite the fear, despite the thoughts that drag you down. Don't let yourself down, you can do this, your boss believes in you and you are fully capable you just need help to fight the demon. Best of luck op.

LegacyUser

I'm sorry, I'm going to go against the grain here and say don't do it or at least think long and hard about what you are getting into.
The fact is, people say do 1 thing a day that scares you,not 10. It's not a decision to be made lightly. It would be like a person saying "oh I'd love to be able to do a marathon" and someone saying "sure go on,you'll be grand,it's only the fear holding you back" what would be the outcome if you weren't trained for that marathon? Most certainly the person would crumble. My point is mental weakness can be just as difficult as physical weakness.
My suggestion would be to go to a counsellor or support group specialising in social anxiety/generalised anxiety. Going by your post,you seem to have a deep seeded problem that needs to be looked at from a professional view.
No point in running before you can walk. Wish you the best of luck.

PMBC

louthemoo wrote: »

I'm sorry, I'm going to go against the grain here and say don't do it or at least think long and hard about what you are getting into.
The fact is, people say do 1 thing a day that scares you,not 10. It's not a decision to be made lightly. It would be like a person saying "oh I'd love to be able to do a marathon" and someone saying "sure go on,you'll be grand,it's only the fear holding you back" what would be the outcome if you weren't trained for that marathon? Most certainly the person would crumble. My point is mental weakness can be just as difficult as physical weakness.
My suggestion would be to go to a counsellor or support group specialising in social anxiety/generalised anxiety. Going by your post,you seem to have a deep seeded problem that needs to be looked at from a professional view.
No point in running before you can walk. Wish you the best of luck.

Also read 'Feel the Fear and do it anyway'. I've been there for years eventually got through it. I suppose age helped. Now I can go anywhere, do anything. Love public speaking and am quite good at it - so I've been told. Family member just coming out of that after a bad year. He gave a presentation recently in college and came through very well. As suggested above posts get professional help and you will make it. Try CBT for anxiety (loads of books available). You'll probably find that most of the things you hate doing/are afraid to do are the things you excel at. Believe me I'm living proof.

Skibunny77

The good news is that anxiety is a health condition and can be treated with talking therapy and if needed, a course of medication. Go to your GP and ask for a referral to a CBT therapist, the Dean Swift clinics have a range of CBT therapists if you're Dublin based - therapy is expensive (averages at 150 per session) but outcomes are often life transforming. Just don't compromise on price to access a cheaper or less skilled therapist. Best of luck!