Eight years ago, my life changed because of drugs. My story.

When I was younger, I was the funniest person in the room. I was successful, nailed uni and had a good job in a bank. I had a great personality.

I had three years of amazing times on acid while doing everything I needed to do. Then I had a mad night where I ended up taking some "legal" drugs and acid at the same time. Chaos, terror and tears ensued and my personality changed forever. I couldn't look at people for months.

I spent about six months trying to get my old personality back. Didn't work. So I left Ireland.
I traveled around Asia. Didn't work. I could manage to be mad but not fun and nice.
In the end, I decided to not go to Australia because I knew my head was screwed so I spent a few months more in Asia learning how to be social and make friends again. Which used to be so easy. It kind of worked.

Five or six years later, my personality is still a bit "off". I've never gotten back my interest in people. I have an amazing girlfriend and we have a great life but I miss the old me. I wish she could see and experience how much life and energy I had, and lost that night.

I'm fine. I can laugh. But the difference is black and white.

MrStuffins

Cool drug story bro

Fr_Dougal

Go on, caller, go on...

TheHillOfDoom

Sorry to hear that. Are you clean of all drugs now?

TheHillOfDoom

TheHillOfDoom wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. Are you clean of all drugs now?

Yea, for years now. Everyone thinks it's fun and games and they think they can handle anything.

I woke up different. I could feel it and it never left.

diomed

Why did you take drugs?

Surely the lowest point of your 2008 was joining Boards.ie?

Lost in Time

I remember reading on a drugs forum where some guy said he wasn't the same after taking mdma. Killed himself half way through the thread. Scary.

Nomis21

"had a good job in a bank"

Is that why you started taking drugs?

Specialun

Jayop

Acid is the only drug I'd believe a personality change on one dose. Mental drug

Alf Stewart.

Drugs are bad kids mmmmmmkay.

Never dabbled with it meself, got into more than my fair share of bother with the grog in me day, never felt the need to take the illegal shìt tbh.

Hope your recovery eventually takes place op.

sabat

From reading about your usage history and the night in question, I'm guessing that the 'legal high' just accelerated a process and highlighted the damage that was already well under way due to your habitual acid use. I reckon the average person can go on a maximum of about 20 hallucinogenic trips of whatever type over a lifetime before they lose their marbles to some extent.
You never even know, it might actually have done you a favour in the long run and prevented you becoming a proper acid casualty.

Schwiiing

Deleted User wrote: »

When I was younger, I was the funniest person in the room. I was successful, nailed uni and had a good job in a bank. I had a great personality.

I had three years of amazing times on acid while doing everything I needed to do. Then I had a mad night where I ended up taking some "legal" drugs and acid at the same time. Chaos, terror and tears ensued and my personality changed forever. I couldn't look at people for months.

I spent about six months trying to get my old personality back. Didn't work. So I left Ireland.
I traveled around Asia. Didn't work. I could manage to be mad but not fun and nice.
In the end, I decided to not go to Australia because I knew my head was screwed so I spent a few months more in Asia learning how to be social and make friends again. Which used to be so easy. It kind of worked.

Five or six years later, my personality is still a bit "off". I've never gotten back my interest in people. I have an amazing girlfriend and we have a great life but I miss the old me. I wish she could see and experience how much life and energy I had, and lost that night.

I'm fine. I can laugh. But the difference is black and white.

Your own choice, your own fault.

No sympathy here.

TheHillOfDoom

I went to see a psychiatrist years ago for depression and he asked me about drug use. I told him that I had used E twice in my youth and on the second time got a really bad paranoid buzz. He looked at me with raised eyebrows and said 'hmmmm, interesting'.
Not sure whether he was implying that my bad buzz was because I was prone to depression or whether the drugs had potentially triggered me to be prone to depression.
In any case, don't look back on those times with euphoric recall. Life is a journey. Your girlfriend loves you just as you are now. Try to accept your new normal.

Little CuChulainn

You spent three years on acid and you blame your personality change on one night on a legal high?

tomwaterford

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Yea, for years now. Everyone thinks it's fun and games and they think they can handle anything.

I woke up different. I could feel it and it never left.

Would you try it again??


I believe ya....it's a very unfortunate thing to happen,...but look it...such is life and the risks you take


I do believe stories like this would highlight the risks of drugs to kids....not bullsgit stories told to kids in schools

Lights On

Moderation is key, like everything. Acid is the kind of thing you only need to be doing once or twice a year at most if you're taking it.

TheHillOfDoom

Schwiiing wrote: »

Your own choice, your own fault.

No sympathy here.

To be fair, I don't think the OP is looking for sympathy. I read it that he is trying to warn others of the dangers.

20Cent

Bit like drinking 10 pints then blaming the burger on the way home for feeling sick the next day.

deandean

Have I got this right? So one night of heavy use (albeit with a hx of acid use) led to permanent mental impairment?

Jeebus.

Liberosis

Lights On wrote: »

Moderation is key, like everything. Acid is the kind of thing you only need to be doing once or twice a year at most if you're taking it.

Or, y'know, just don't take it at all...

TheHillOfDoom

20Cent wrote: »

Bit like drinking 10 pints then blaming the burger on the way home for feeling sick the next day.

Not remotely. The OP is clearly acknowledging the cause of the change in his personality i.e. prolonged acid use + adding more into the mix.

Schwiiing

Schwiiing wrote: »

Your own choice, your own fault.

No sympathy here.

Eight years later, you think I'd post this for that.. It's merely a warning.

Little CuChulainn wrote: »

You spent three years on acid and you blame your personality change on one night on a legal high?

Yes, it was a change that happened within a day. And while it was for three years, its was every two months or so instead of drinking.

tomwaterford

deandean wrote: »

Have I got this right? So one night of heavy use (albeit with a hx of acid use) led to permanent mental impairment?

Jeebus.

Thinking the two reacted to each other??

Menas

I tried acid twice. Once with someone and we had a great night. We had someone looking after us who was not tripping though, to help keep us on enjoying it and not going dark.

I tried it on my own the second time and it was a nightmare. Walls melting, paranoid....I ended up a bumbling mess and panicking that the acid would never wear off. It did wear off after about 14 hours.
I had a couple of flashbacks over the next year but would never touch a hallucinogenic again.

Some people can take it with no/little ill effect, some cant.

dixiefly

Deleted User wrote: »

When I was younger, I was the funniest person in the room. I was successful, nailed uni and had a good job in a bank. I had a great personality.

I had three years of amazing times on acid while doing everything I needed to do. Then I had a mad night where I ended up taking some "legal" drugs and acid at the same time. Chaos, terror and tears ensued and my personality changed forever. I couldn't look at people for months.

I spent about six months trying to get my old personality back. Didn't work. So I left Ireland.
I traveled around Asia. Didn't work. I could manage to be mad but not fun and nice.
In the end, I decided to not go to Australia because I knew my head was screwed so I spent a few months more in Asia learning how to be social and make friends again. Which used to be so easy. It kind of worked.

Five or six years later, my personality is still a bit "off". I've never gotten back my interest in people. I have an amazing girlfriend and we have a great life but I miss the old me. I wish she could see and experience how much life and energy I had, and lost that night.

I'm fine. I can laugh. But the difference is black and white.

I havent read all of the thread, but this stood out. In my humble opinion this was / is your problem not just the mix on the night.

Liberosis

tomwaterford wrote: »

Thinking the two reacted to each other??

Either that, or maybe it was a bad batch or something.

thattequilagirl

Schwiiing wrote: »

Your own choice, your own fault.

No sympathy here.

This is such an overly simplistic response.

OP, I feel for you.

In my early 20s, I became more and more dependent on alcohol, a legal, society-approved drug. It totally changed my personality, but instead of happening overnight, it happened slowly - so much so I barely even realised it was happening.

I quit drinking two years ago, and my life is so much better now, but I don't think I'll ever 100% get back who I was.

I experiemented with pills and acid too, but thankfully never had a bad experience, my ex did though.

Lights On

Liberosis wrote: »

Or, y'know, just don't take it at all...

Yeah of course, if you don't want to take it it's not mandatory! But if you do want to try it/enjoy using it, doing it responsibly is the right way to do it, not going overboard.

thattequilagirl

dixiefly wrote: »

I havent read all of the thread, but this stood out. In my humble opinion this was / is your problem not just the mix on the night.

Unless you've taken hallucenogenics, it's hard to describe the impact it has on you. I believe it happened to me too, but luckily mine was a positive experience. If something fundamental changes overnight, you know.

thattequilagirl

thattequilagirl wrote: »

This is such an overly simplistic response.

OP, I feel for you.

In my early 20s, I became more and more dependent on alcohol, a legal, society-approved drug. It totally changed my personality, but instead of happening overnight, it happened slowly - so much so I barely even realised it was happening.

I quit drinking two years ago, and my life is so much better now, but I don't think I'll ever 100% get back who I was.

I experiemented with pills and acid too, but thankfully never had a bad experience, my ex did though.

It's something a lot of people go through. The invincible feeling where we only worry about a hangover. No one expects the effects to last.

Lost in Time

TheHillOfDoom wrote: »

I went to see a psychiatrist years ago for depression and he asked me about drug use. I told him that I had used E twice in my youth and on the second time got a really bad paranoid buzz. He looked at me with raised eyebrows and said 'hmmmm, interesting'.
Not sure whether he was implying that my bad buzz was because I was prone to depression or whether the drugs had potentially triggered me to be prone to depression.
In any case, don't look back on those times with euphoric recall. Life is a journey. Your girlfriend loves you just as you are now. Try to accept your new normal.

The drugs probably wiped half of your serotonin receptors, hence the depression.

Sunflower 27

deandean wrote: »

Have I got this right? So one night of heavy use (albeit with a hx of acid use) led to permanent mental impairment?

Jeebus.

I dont know why people find it so shocking. You mess with your brain, anything can happen.

OP, for what it's worth, you are still alive and able to tell your tale. You really should count your blessings. Many don't get a second chance.

thattequilagirl

Lost in Time wrote: »

The drugs probably wiped half of your serotonin receptors, hence the depression.

Is that actually backed up science? Does your body only have a limited amount of serotonin or is it produced continually?

jh79

Lost in Time wrote: »

The drugs probably wiped half of your serotonin receptors, hence the depression.

He took it twice ffs, it is not that potent and is a pretty safe drug . The damage it does is reversible and prozac can help in that regard.

MadDog76

The Op took drugs, ran the risk and ended up relatively lucky considering what could, and often does, happen.

Is there a point to this story?

Is it to tell us that taking drugs is risky? We know.

Is it for sympathy? You'll get none from me.

TheHillOfDoom

TheHillOfDoom wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. Are you clean of all drugs now?

Yep. I just drink moderately. Home by 10pm usually.

diomed wrote: »

Why did you take drugs?

Why not.. It was great fun. A very specific set of events resulted in my downturn. Getting locked in a toilet with a broken door while tripping balls, then getting wrongly accused of coming onto a girl while tripping even harder and then finally, running out of Galway to get away from the "demons".

deandean wrote: »

Have I got this right? So one night of heavy use (albeit with a hx of acid use) led to permanent mental impairment?

Jeebus.

Yep. And everyone thinks that because they're happy and normal, it won't happen. It only happens to people who already feked. Nope.

Eircom_Sucks

thattequilagirl wrote: »

This is such an overly simplistic response.

OP, I feel for you.

In my early 20s, I became more and more dependent on alcohol, a legal, society-approved drug. It totally changed my personality, but instead of happening overnight, it happened slowly - so much so I barely even realised it was happening.

I quit drinking two years ago, and my life is so much better now, but I don't think I'll ever 100% get back who I was.

I experiemented with pills and acid too, but thankfully never had a bad experience, my ex did though.

but he's dead right

i've never ever dabbled in drugs or smokes

few pints here and there , i know drugs are crazy so i never went near

op while doesn't deserve how he's feeling etc

can only blame himself

TheHillOfDoom

thattequilagirl wrote: »

Is that actually backed up science? Does your body only have a limited amount of serotonin or is it produced continually?

Unfortunately I believe it is. My brother is a doctor and warned me at the time that ecstasy burns the receptors (i.e the little connections that pass serotonin on). I feel lucky that I had a 'bad buzz', as the first time was so good as to be completely addictive.

Liberosis

TheHillOfDoom wrote: »

I went to see a psychiatrist years ago for depression and he asked me about drug use. I told him that I had used E twice in my youth and on the second time got a really bad paranoid buzz. He looked at me with raised eyebrows and said 'hmmmm, interesting'.
Not sure whether he was implying that my bad buzz was because I was prone to depression or whether the drugs had potentially triggered me to be prone to depression.
In any case, don't look back on those times with euphoric recall. Life is a journey. Your girlfriend loves you just as you are now. Try to accept your new normal.

Weird that he didn't explain why that it was interesting. For feck sake, anyone can charge someone at an hourly rate and mumble a few words here and there.

SEPT 23 1989

What sparked your decent into hell that night?

Mackas_view

OP I feel for you I do. But having said that there are people who have lost their whole lives to this ****. Hallucinogenic drugs have serious impact on your cognitive functions as all drugs do. Remember those poor kids in Cork?
Anyone reading tthis do yourselves a favour and stop supporting the scum of the earth that sell these drugs that **** people's heads up. Because their production line is destroying families all over this country and further afield.

Do you want to risk taking something for a short buzz that may leave you holding your Mother's hand walking around the shops in your hometown when your 35-36 years of age? Has she not worked hard enough raising you this far. Save her the heartache and embarrassment. Save yourself.
This is not an extreme example these people exist all over our country.

thattequilagirl

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

but he's dead right

i've never ever dabbled in drugs or smokes

few pints here and there , i know drugs are crazy so i never went near

op while doesn't deserve how he's feeling etc

can only blame himself

He's not trying to blame anyone else.

If you find out someone who smoked all there lives had lung cancer, would you say to that person "You have no one to blame but yourself."

I'm just pointing out the different attitudes we take to society-approved drugs and drugs that aren't approved by society.

jh79

TheHillOfDoom wrote: »

Unfortunately I believe it is. My brother is a doctor and warned me at the time that ecstasy burns the receptors (i.e the little connections that pass serotonin on). I feel lucky that I had a 'bad buzz', as the first time was so good as to be completely addictive.

The receptors return if you stop taking it the damage is not permanent.

TheHillOfDoom

jh79 wrote: »

The receptors return if you stop taking it the damage is not permanent.

Well that's good to know!

Eircom_Sucks

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

but he's dead right

i've never ever dabbled in drugs or smokes

few pints here and there , i know drugs are crazy so i never went near

op while doesn't deserve how he's feeling etc

can only blame himself

I'm 28 and am talking about something that happened when I was 19. Of course I blame myself. The effects of stupids decisions can last a long time. I never grasped that.

TheHillOfDoom

Basically, from what he explained to me, it's like an electricity overload which blows a fuse or something. E overloads the receptors with massive amounts of serotonin and they burn or something. Therefore, with prolonged usage, your brain is no longer able to transmit serotonin as every fuse is blown so to speak! Serotonin is the happy hormone btw. He never told me that they can regenerate. In any case, one bad buzz was enough for me thank you very much!

Cee-Jay-Cee

i dabbled with acid in my late teens early 20's but only maybe 4 or 5 times. I had one pretty bad 'trip' and never took anymore. I then had one flashback a few months later, completely mental fcuked up sh*t which scared the bejaysus out of me. Thankfully they didn't interfere with my personality, I'm still just plain weird.

tomwaterford

tomwaterford wrote: »

Would you try it again??


I believe ya....it's a very unfortunate thing to happen,...but look it...such is life and the risks you take


I do believe stories like this would highlight the risks of drugs to kids....not bullsgit stories told to kids in schools

In about thirty years, it could be worth a shot.. I never had a bad time with it. It was the ecstasy alternatives that one, made me do it. And two, resulted in a horrific time.
I sometimes wonder if going back and doing a normal trip like I used to would repair things but I'm not brave enough.

I knew it was a bad idea. Just not while feked. Only myself to blame.

thattequilagirl

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm 28 and am talking about something that happened when I was 19. Of course I blame myself. The effects of stupids decisions can last a long time. I never grasped that.

You'd swear some of the people on here never made a stupid decision in their youth.