The "I Love You" Dilemma

LegacyUser

Hello, looking for some other people's perspective on a potential problem that may be cropping up soon.

I have been seeing a girl since Christmas, and we have been seeing each other a lot, and we get on very well. We have agreed that we are exclusive, and I am enjoying our time together.

Signs in recent weeks would suggest that she is getting ready to tell me she loves me (slightly presumptuous, but there have been signs). Now, I am not at that stage yet, and if she does come out with it, I won't say it just for the sake of it.

I am just wondering does anybody have any advice on how to respond without upsetting her?

SarahMollie

OK, firstly - what are these signs you speak of?

Also, are you just not there yet, or do you think you like her and whatnot, but realistically won't ever be in the place to return the "I love you's"

IMO, I'm not sure there is a good way to handle this situation. I've never said it first, purely from not being brave enough.

Eimee90

Hey OP, i was in the same situation when I first met my OH. After a few months together , i blurted it out suddenly, hadn't intended to, but it was how I felt. He wasn't there yet, and he told me he was getting there but didnt want to force it when he wanted it to be special. Needless to say, about two months later he said it to me and it was wonderful.

My point here is, be honest with the girl, if you feel you are getting there tell her, but don't lie because it just screws things up.

Neyite

Mod:

Reminder, posts that don't contain advice will more than likely get removed.

EmperorKuzco

Don't worry about it in the slightest!

I said it to my boyfriend after about three months of dating... fully convinced he'd say it back.
He didn't.
He was nice about it - said he wasn't comfortable with saying it just yet, would need more time, and was really sorry if my feelings were hurt or if I was embarrassed.
Time went on, we occasionally made jokes about it! It wasn't awkward and I genuinely didn't think about it much.
Roughly a month later, he said it back. We're still together and he tells me he loves me everyday. He says it more often than I say it actually... wonder if that's guilt about how the whole I-love-you thing started off, ha!

Just try not to overthink things - if it happens it happens. It doesn't need to be a break-up situation, a fight, or even an uncomfortable evening if you're sensitive about it. Just tell the truth and emphasize how happy you are and how much you want things to continue.

Lisacatlover

Best tact is to just give them a big passionate kiss in return. Bullet proof.

Shelga

Just be totally honest with her and don't be afraid of the consequences. If you're not ready to say it, don't, but if you think you will be ready at some point then just say that. On the other hand, if you don't think you ever will then break it off, pretty quickly afterwards.

I was in a similar position a few months ago- said it to my (now ex) boyfriend first, he basically ignored it and kicked the can down the road for a month with his dithering. Ended up in me ruining my New Year's by going to visit him and him reluctantly saying he didn't love me when I was forced to confront the issue again.

Passivity is the most hurtful thing sometimes, horrible having your time wasted.

Honesty really is the best policy!

HardenendMan

Be prepared for the possibility that it could end your relationship if you don't say it back. She may doubt if your serious about the relationship.

silverbolt

saying i love you to someone you dont love is one of the biggest lies you can do.

Telling someone you love them is not a small thing. If she she does say adn your not there yet do not say it back

LegacyUser

I am in a similar situation, I've been seeing someone for a few months now and he recently told me that he was falling in love with me and then that he was in love with me. I told him I was looking forward to being able to say it back but that I'm not there just yet but it was lovely to hear it. He is totally fine with that and patient enough to wait until I am ready. He might be a little bit anxious about it but he knows when I do say it, it will be because I mean it and not just an automatic response to him saying it to me. Not saying it back won't be the end of the world if you handle it properly and with a bit of diplomacy.