need some advise please

LegacyUser

My partner has left our home again, for about the fourth time in less than a year. We have a silly argument and he runs home to his mammy as he needs some "time" leaving me with 3 babies under 4. Well this time will be the last as I will not let my kids go through the heartache of waiting on daddy to come home and then he doesn't. he doesn't reply to my calls or texts either.
So I'm on maternity leave and its due to finish soon. We have a mortgage and I work full time and Jr was made redundant in Feb. Now with him gone from our home where do I stamd please? I don't think I can go back to work as it is shiftwork so involves nights and I have no one to mind the children. How will i possibly cope with the bill's? I'm feeling so strong in my decision not to be walked over again but then the thoughts of doing it all alone seem impossible. please any advise is welcome. thank you.

CaraMay

Would an au pair help your situation with the night shifts? Do the kids sleep through the night? It's really time to go to a solicitor and take control of the situation. If he has nothing to do then why can't he mind the kids when you are working? Just start down the legal route immediately as you need structure on what's going on for all involved

amdublin

Does he support financially at the moment? You will need to ensure he does going forward

LegacyUser

He is gone now only 4 days so i assume he will still have hia direct debit straight into our joint account. We have a mortgage its only a 3 bed so os have no where for the aupair to stay. To be honest I dont think I can rely on him to be there when I need him to mind kids from previous times he did this. If i had to give up my job id be heartbroken as i like it and I'm working since I was 16. always had my own money so never had to rely on anyone.he hasnt seen the children since he went and hasn't asked to see them. Its hearrbreaking as they think hes back from "work" today to see their eggs. To dveryone else je is such a nice guy and no one would ever ever imagine him just leaving them like this. He is selfish and is doing this so I'm trapped. I can't even get out as he has the double buggy in his car which I have asked for repeatedly the last few days. he was in the house yesterday as he took a change of clothes and still never left the buggy (I was out at the time). Would I get any support from the goverment to help cover my bills etc does anyone know?

athtrasna

You will be entitled to some state support but I'm sorry to tell you it won't be enough. Mortgage, bills, food, nappies, the total costs will far exceed any payments. Also if you voluntarily give up your job there will be delays before you're entitled to some payments.

Make an appointment with your local free legal aid centre as soon as possible if you can't afford a solicitor. Also I'd be inclined to take steps to protect funds in your joint account if there's any risk he might clear it out.

blondchick

Have a look at the safe ireland website. They have centres all over Ireland who will give you advice and help. They will accompany you to social welfare, to solicitors meeting and will give you an immense amount of support. They will not judge your situation but will support whatever decision you make and if your husband comes back they will still support you. Good luck, you are very brave and your children are lucky to have you.

L.Jenkins

You could have a look at Citizens Information as well.

LegacyUser

Thank you for all of your replies. I will look into all those places. I'm scared of what the future holds and won't be able to relax until I know to do about everything. I'm going to try look for a day job and weigh up pros and cons as to whether to work to pay for childcare or work to bring in some money.

SarahMollie

You're in a tough situation OP.

Not only is your OH not respecting you or your relationship, but he's treating the family home as a drop in center.

I think a lot of the advice above is solid and it seems like the only thing you can do now is to take steps to protect your children.

Good luck OP.

SAMTALK

How does his mother react to all this OP.

Surely she'd give him a clip in the ear and tell him to cop on.

Could you not ask her for the buggy?

LegacyUser

Thank you for replies. His mother is a pain. I had a chat with her and she was all on his side until I told her a few home truths. She said she doesn't really want him moving back in, I told her it was her own fault for Molly coddling him and letting him stay all the time.
But I have just realised something that is a big game changer. He's addicted to gambling. I knew he played a bit of online poker the odd time but his I was checking emails and didn't realise he was still logged in and I see he has spent thousands. I'm gutted. All his savings are gone. I'm shocked. I confronted him about it and he has said he wants to stop but I honestly don't know how to deal with this. I want to help him as I know it will impact my kids future but he needs to help himself. I need to block all our accounts from being accessed by him. I'm drained.

LostTazMan

Hi OP,you need to look after yourself and your children first. Helping him has to come second. He cannot continue to use you, it will lead to a breakup sooner or later. Best wishes, LTM