Have you been mistreated/bullied in the workplace?

py2006

I've had awful experiences with bullying and mistreatment in the workplace in the past. In my brief research on the topic it would appear to be quite widespread.

Discussion with others who have not experienced it find it difficult to understand "How you let it happen" or "why you didn't do/say this that and the other" if they were in your position "this and that would have been said and things would not have happened etc"

It is difficult when in that situation as you are fearful of sticking up for yourself for worsening the situation or loosing your job etc.

For me, in hindsight, one of my biggest regrets is not sticking up for myseld and letting arrogant bullies treat me so badly. If I could go back I would have laid into them but at the time you are concerned about the future etc so you kinda take it.

I was wandering if anybody here has had experience of being treated very badly to the point where it had an adverse affect on your health or indeed examples of were you actually came out on top without having to leave etc

Obviously names and places left out

super_furry

Thankfully not as an adult. Worked under some absolute gowls back when I was in school/college and had a job in Roches Stores.

Samaris

I've worked with a few right nuts, and a couple of nasty little spitebags, but I was rarely the target. The couple of times I was, I was generally able to clear myself on my own word as I had a (earned, thank you! ) reputation for honesty. I did wade in once or twice over the years on behalf of someone else if I didn't like what I saw going on. This can be a dangerous activity but meh.

Penny Tration

Yeah, several years ago in a big Irish company.

Sexual harassment from three staff members, with a complaint ignored by HR - one involved grabbing my backside and breasts. Bullying from an area manager and store manager after I made said complaint, eventually leading to my store manager assaulting me (punches to the head, twisted arm). Walked out and never looked back.

nothing since, bar some shoddy work practises in a small company.

Edit: sorry op, just noticed you asked about effect on health - I ended up on antidepressants and in therapy.

Arkady

This site might not look like much, but it is one of the best on the subject by far.

http://bullyonline.org/index.php

In badly run workplaces, bullying is the way that inadequate, incompetent and aggressive employees keep their jobs and obtain promotion. At the same time, bullying destroys teams and causes disenchantment, demoralisation, demotivation, disaffection and alienation. Organisations become dysfunctional and inefficient, where staff turnover and sickness absence are high whilst morale, productivity and profitability are low. Any perceived efficiency gains from bullying are a short term illusion: Bullying puts long term prospects at serious risk.

Corruptedmorals

Yes. Unfortunately, circumstances made doing anything about it extremely difficult. Extremely small office with the person in question the one in authority. So I left instead.

Witchie

A few times.

Once working in a semi state body. The CEO was an absolute nightmare. I broke my ankle and had spent a week in hospital. Took another few days sick as was still throwing up from the effects of the anesthetic and painkillers. When I did go back to work my office had only an upstairs toilet that I could not access so would have to cross a main street to use the bathroom in the main office. He still dragged me over to his office one day to complain to me and give me a warning for my 2 weeks off. He made life miserable for me at every turn he could. I left a few months after he retired coz hated the job anyway but wouldn't let him think he had driven me out.

Another job which was in an almost exclusively male environment and there was one guy there who was just a total dirty sleaze. Always made me feel uncomfortable and cracked sexist jokes and comments.

Worst was one day a large delivery of really heavy boxes arrived for me. I started carrying them into the office we shared. I adked him nicely if he could help me and I said I probably shouldn't be lifting them coz it was dangerous for me to as could do myself damage and not be able to have more kids. He remarked that I was too old to be having more children and must be in my 40s by now. I was 34 and considering having a 3rd baby. Really upset me that day. He always went out of his way to be nasty and sneering at me and I think he felt threatened by a woman in my job showing him up for the lazy fecker he was.

Also got told in a job that I wasn't allowed to get pregnant as there was 2 much work to be done that year....I had found out a few days prior that I was almost 2 months gone.

Last one was when was in college and needed work experience. Went for an interview in a hotel in dublin. The owner was reading through my cv and then commented "You went to a convent? I know what you convent girls are like" while licking his lips and trying to look down my blouse. I got up and walked out.

diomed

Most workplaces have ar5eholes, brown-nosers, backstabbers, people who would make a sloth look speedy, clean-desk people (you get their work), "credit for work done" rustlers, "you'll enjoy this, it's right up your street" merchants, psychopaths (sociopaths if you want to be nice).

It is a rich kaleidoscope of humanity. I'm retired. Enjoy. :pac:

cowboyBuilder

Years ago in a large US software company, we worked in support and it was HELL ..

We had a manager who would look at his watch as you arrived, walk around asking what you were doing, refuse you sick leave, corner you and ask if you were faking it when returning from sick leave.

Putting huge workloads on people - unrealistic targets and pressuring you to hit them - even though it would be impossible.
and thats just the tip of the iceberg

A right cúnt of the highest order

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Kind of but not really.

1st was in my part time job while I was in 6th year. Worked in a shop sort of like a mace/londis. I had been there months was getting on really well with everyone, there was a few lads a bit older than me and I was the only girl of our age group. Towards the end of exams, this girl from secondary school started and she'd been nasty as **** to me in school.

She was popular in school with the rougher kids cause she was cheeky in class and was quite witty in that she had an answer for everything, though she was very masculine and butch so I can't imagine she was a big hit with the boys.

Anyway - she started work, and continued on her attitude to me, in front of the other people that worked there at the weekend. It was just after our debs and someone asked her how was the night and she turned around, knowing I was right there and said it would be better if some people hadn't gone and was pointing at me.

Sadly for her she wasn't as popular in work as she was in school and only ended up turning people against her.

2nd time was in a horrible place to work. I worked with a load of howiyas, who'd talk about being "on the bag" all weekend. They didn't bully me but I was excluded, me and another girl. The only two girls in there that probably didn't own outside pjs or have a Paul's boutique handbag so I didn't lose much sleep over them not being my friend.

Smidge

Penny Tration wrote: »

Yeah, several years ago in a big Irish company.

Sexual harassment from three staff members, with a complaint ignored by HR - one involved grabbing my backside and breasts. Bullying from an area manager and store manager after I made said complaint, eventually leading to my store manager assaulting me (punches to the head, twisted arm). Walked out and never looked back.

nothing since, bar some shoddy work practises in a small company.

Edit: sorry op, just noticed you asked about effect on health - I ended up on antidepressants and in therapy.

Jesus :eek:
Did you report that to the guards? That is shocking.
I've had the sexual harassment, groping etc and its awful. And have been bullied in almost every job I had(Im quiet and always avoided confrontation so an easy target)
But never heard the likes of what happened to you

Penny Tration

Smidge wrote: »

Jesus :eek:
Did you report that to the guards? That is shocking.
I've had the sexual harassment, groping etc and its awful. And have been bullied in almost every job I had(Im quiet and always avoided confrontation so an easy target)
But never heard the likes of what happened to you

No, I didn't even think to at the time. The groping, I reported to HR and one person laughed, the other did nothing. The assault, I was in shock. It was 6pm, I was due to work til 11pm. At 7pm, management changed over, to a manager I adored and still am friends with. I waited til 7pm, still too shocked to speak, followed the friendly manager to the office, reported manager 1, said I needed to finish my shift immediately, went home and the next day was in the doctor being signed off on sick leave and referred for counselling.

Should have reported it, I was a fool not to. I was young, foolish and so shocked and upset that it didn't even occur to me.

He did it to another young lady the next day, she walked out too and sued the company.

Cienciano

I know a lot of people on boards dislike unions, but in my experience they're the only people who take care of employees in bullying situations. Remember, HR do not give a shíte, if you leave the company quietly with no complaints it's a result in their eyes.

Stheno

Yes in one company I was in we had a male manager who was seriously sexist.

After about six months of his nonsense, he was reported by two of us with evidence and suspended.

End result was that he was moved sideways with no people managment responsibilities.

He left soon after.

2011

Many moons ago (pre meaningful health & safety enforcement) when I was an apprentice electrician I was bullied into doing some dangerous work. I don't want to get too technical but basically it involved connecting connecting circuits to a large live distribution board. I knew that it was dangerous but at the time I had no concept of just how dangerous it really was. Switching off the board was "not an option". I was led to believe that refusing to do this work would mean loss of my job and I did not have the nerve to stand up for myself. A stupid thing to do in hindsight. I was lucky to get away with it

Ulysses Gaze

Not bullied directly. But I have had two managers who, honestly, could not people manage at all. Neither really had the ability to manage human beings.

Robsweezie

I think a lot of the bullying happens when you're starting out. Older managers might see a young person as someone to be spoken to as if they were their own child, an easy target for "discipline".

razorblunt

Cienciano wrote: »

I know a lot of people on boards dislike unions, but in my experience they're the only people who take care of employees in bullying situations. Remember, HR do not give a shíte, if you leave the company quietly with no complaints it's a result in their eyes.

I can't agree with comments like this, they're completely wide of the mark and often just reflect the HR dept and some of it's incumbents rather than the whole entire HR practice.

Yes of course they are there to protect the company, but in the instances of bullying, it's the person doing the bullying that ultimately the company will need to protect against.

Yes, by all means, escalate if the HR department do nothing, or laugh it off in the case of the poster who had to deal with sexual harassment.

py2006

Stheno wrote: »

Yes in one company I was in we had a male manager who was seriously sexist.

After about six months of his nonsense, he was reported by two of us with evidence and suspended.

End result was that he was moved sideways with no people managment responsibilities.

He left soon after.

Unfortunately this happens all to often.

py2006

Sometimes reporting an incident to HR or whomever can go against you. You can be seen as somebody who could cause a fuss in the future. Or if it doesn't go that far in can affect relationships with colleagues and management.

Not that that should deter you if an incident is serious enough that you feel it should be reported.

intheclouds

Quite recently actually.

A new middle manager, very aggressive and a bit unstable (you never really knew what he would come out with).

Came to me when I was alone in an office and shouted his head off aggressively at me to get some piece of work done in less than the time that would be required to do it. I completely stood my ground and insisted it would take the required length of time. I was very shaken by it. Happened again another 2 times (same piece of work under discussion). He was only behaving like that because he thought no one else was there. The last time it happened he didnt realise someone was in the stationary closet off the main office and she encouraged me to report it. I spoke to my own boss and he immediately said I should report it to the middle managers boss. Turned out there had been lots of complaints.

Signed his own death warrant a few weeks later by showing up drunk to a meeting with the CEO. Fired on the spot.

He hadnt bothered me since Id complained although I was very uncomfortable and was busy getting my CV out there to move on.

Life is too short, if you have someone in a position of authority who is a psycho or a bully then the best thing to do it move on when you get the chance.

I worked somewhere where the CEO was a psycho and a bully. Constant turn over of staff because no one could work for him for long. But little could be done as he owned the place!

keano_afc

Never been bullied myself but we had one guy in the office who made life hell for 2 of my co-workers. Was very aggressive towards them, and like other people have said HR were utterly useless. He's left now thankfully.

BalcombeSt4

Cienciano wrote: »

I know a lot of people on boards dislike unions, but in my experience they're the only people who take care of employees in bullying situations. Remember, HR do not give a shíte, if you leave the company quietly with no complaints it's a result in their eyes.

Bunch of right-wing arseholes.

keano_afc

BalcombeSt4 wrote: »

Bunch of right-wing arseholes.

A good union is invaluable in a conflict situation though. A friend of mine was verbally abused and physically threatened in the workplace and the guy who did it got his story in to HR before my mate had a chance to get his side across. As I said above, the HR dept where I work is abysmal and they were willing to discipline my friend before he had a chance to give his side of the story. Thankfully he was in the union and they did a good job of representing him. He was screwed otherwise.

Cynobite

Yeah I have had it happen to me a few times, mainly when I was younger but once as an adult. Generally I don't let things get too far before I try and put a stop to them but it was a unique situation at the time.

Had been working in the place for a time and the business was growing rather rapidly and the other departments had extra staff assigned to them. I had requested extra help on numerous occasions as a lot of what went on was filtered through me. Unfortunately my position was deemed "easy" so I should be able to handle it on my own.

Needless to say mistakes started to happen as I was finding it more and more difficult to watch everything, which lead to more bollickings from on high. At this point in time we were under financial strain as we were waiting for a few things to play out so I was desperate to keep the job and felt I had to sit and take it.

It got to the point where on the way to work I was wondering how I could crash the car in such a way that I didn't kill myself but injure myself enough that I wouldn't have to face the owner of the company who was breathing down my neck at the time.

It came to a head at one point when I was roared at for someone else's mistake and was told I had to go to a discplinary meeting over it. I refused and got legal help and a doctors note signing me off work through stress.

The legal stuff worked its way out, they were stunned when it came to that. It took me the better part of a year to get over it, I still get flash backs and moments of blind terror, but they are getting less now. I looked for work straight after but after the first interview I got I knew I wasn't ready to go back. I managed to take some time off and get my head back together.

To this day, I can't say how it got that far in, like when it tipped over from giving out to outright bullying, but, I'm far more wary of stuff like that happening now.

The job after was a lot less stressful and for the first while I kept waiting for someone to come in roaring at me for something.

Cienciano

razorblunt wrote: »

I can't agree with comments like this, they're completely wide of the mark and often just reflect the HR dept and some of it's incumbents rather than the whole entire HR practice.

Yes of course they are there to protect the company, but in the instances of bullying, it's the person doing the bullying that ultimately the company will need to protect against.

Yes, by all means, escalate if the HR department do nothing, or laugh it off in the case of the poster who had to deal with sexual harassment.

What they need and should do is different to what they actually do. Obviously this is just my experience, but the path of least resistance is what they'll do. Easier that the bullied party leaves, or the person doing the bullying has a bit of sway they'll side with them. I think the bigger the company, the more chance you have of having a HR department like this.
If they come down hard on a senior manager, chances are they were thinking of getting rid of him anyway.

seamus

I've generally been lucky. The only one I recall was a manager who was just a completely moody one who could be sweetness and light one day and a raging bitch from hell the next.
Even then, I would never have considered her a bully, just so unpredictable that you never know what to expect when you went into work that day. Such as one day cheerfully telling me not to do <X> for the moment because you need to know what you're doing, and the very next day going ballistic at me for not doing <X>, "We could have lost our jobs if someone had noticed", and telling me she'd requested that I be transferred, but the request was denied. That made things awkward
She also spent a lot of time whinging at me about initiative, when what she really meant was, "Let me wander around chatting and drinking coffee while you do all the work, stop bothering me".

Since the "team" was only me and her, I can see how that would be a really difficult and isolating position to be in if that was the situation full-time. Thankfully it was part-time for me, so I only actually saw her around 50% of the time, and I left after six months anyway.

One would hope that as an adult now I'd better equipped to just tell someone to go fnck themselves, but that sounds a lot easier than it probably is. Especially since most bullying probably starts with a new job, so you're on the back foot from the off.

Thoie

To people who wonder "why do you put up with that, why not report it/leave?", the worst kind of insidious bullying is when you are so frequently, but subtly demeaned that you start to believe that you're useless at your job, would never find another one, and that you're lucky to have the job you're in and better not cause a fuss. I've unfortunately experienced it twice, and both times stayed in the jobs for far too long. It not only affected my health at the time, but has had longer term knock on effects on my confidence in certain things.

Thankfully I've learned to recognise the "symptoms" fairly quickly. It's been tried on me twice more in different jobs, and both times I've nipped it in the bud very effectively and quickly. The fact that I consistently win "awards" has also helped me appreciate that I'm not crap at what I do. When you're being bullied, you think maybe they're right, maybe you are crap, even though you thought you were OK.

I was about 3 days into a new job when someone (not my boss) starting making some ridiculous demands. I explained that after 3 days there was no way I'd be able to help them, but they kept pushing. I recognised the type immediately, and pointed out they were being ridiculous, and that if they really expected me to be able to do x at that stage then we needed to involve my manager, as there was obviously some misunderstanding about my role. They backed off and left me alone after that, but I was later called in as a witness when they were being disciplined for bullying other people

The second person was someone new in the company, and had obviously behaved that way before in other places. Again, I recognised their type pretty early on, and made a mental note of it, but we rarely had any dealings with each other. Their time came when they'd asked me to give a presentation to some external people, and I'd told them I wouldn't be available that week due to some high priority stuff going on, but if they'd like to reschedule for some other time I'd see what I could do. The busy week rolled around, and one morning I get a message from someone else asking if I could "pop into x meeting room for a minute". This wasn't unusual, so I stuck my head in the door, to be met by the bully saying "Here's Thoie now to present on this topic". They'd scheduled me into the agenda for an hour long presentation, and 30 minute Q&A time. The younger me would have felt awful, but wouldn't want to make anyone look bad in front of external people, and would have tried to do something with no preparation, all while panicking about the high priority other thing. The older me just turned to them and reminded them that I'd said weeks ago that I wasn't available at this time, but if they'd like to check my calendar they could set something up for a mutually agreeable time instead. They were livid and started roaring at me so I just walked out of the room. That person didn't last very long in the company either - apparently they'd done a number of other things of trying to land people in awkward situations to make them look bad.

TL:DR:
The worst part of bullying is not knowing whether you really are just crap at your job and deluding yourself, or if you're actually being bullied. Everything becomes much easier when you recognise what's happening right at the beginning and nip it in the bud. Don't stay somewhere you're being bullied.

The worst is when it is hmmm what do I make of this, I had one boss who could be fantastic in some ways and a weird low level bully in other way, it was odd. I heard afterwards that other people had complained about her.

In one student job I had a superior who did a lot of finger snapping and barking of orders. I'm not sure it was bullying, but it was certainly very rude, disrespectful, and demoralising. In another job I had older male workers make the atmosphere very uncomfortable with sexual jokes and vague intimidation, the kind that can be interpreted in more than one way so keeping them clear of accusations.

In my present job an older woman in support staff had no idea of appropriate boundaries, either professional or personal. I finally made a complaint about her after having her opinion offered once too many times on my clothes/work/appearance/office/methods/demeanour. When my grandmother visited and I was showing her around, she asked her if she was disappointed in me for going to work so far away from her!

She also stole my tea bags.

rainbow kirby

Had a Russian boss a few years ago who treated anyone who wasn't a male Russian speaker like pure crap. Sexist comments in meetings, expecting crazy hours from others while he stood around smoking with his cronies, all the worst tasks being allocated to the Irish and Indian team members, him and his cronies not passing on information on projects we were working on, him standing up and screaming in my face when I handed in my notice...

intheclouds

Personally I have found the issue less prevalent in larger organisations IF the people at the top were reasonable non bullying individuals and the senior management team was mostly compromised of people who had worked their way up in the company. Usually in that type of scenario bullies dont make it into high level positions as their antics are exposed long before they would get there.

It was certainly that way in 2 large organisations I worked in before. HR tends to be more together in larger organisations as well. There may be minor incidents but when there is a well defined structure it becomes clear if a particular individual is drawing a lot of complaints or a particular department has a very high turnover.

Course in both of the above cases they were companies where the owners actually endeavored to look after their employees and we were all treated very well, with plenty of perks and appreciation for hard work. I dont know if that kind of workplace even exists anymore in this country.

osarusan

Got accused of racism.

It ended up costing the accuser his job as his tales of my racism grew increasingly outlandish and eventually one was proven to be fabricated.

From the start my bosses had complete trust in me, but it was still tough while it was happening (maybe 6 weeks or so).

Gi joe!

[QUOTE
TL:DR:[/B]
The worst part of bullying is not knowing whether you really are just crap at your job and deluding yourself, or if you're actually being bullied. Everything becomes much easier when you recognise what's happening right at the beginning and nip it in the bud. Don't stay somewhere you're being bullied.[/QUOTE]

A very good point and something to always be conscious of.

This happened to me when I started my current job. A guy who had started only a couple of months before I did would make the odd smart remark which I initially saw as just a bit of banter. However it progressively got worse and worse where he would make cutting/extremely inappropriate remarks in front of the entire team (at on point intimating that I was perving on women in the office right in front of my manager.) He only seemed to do it to me as well, acting all sweetness and light with everyone else on the team.

I told him to back off eventually but at that point I was very stressed and down on myself. Doubting my ability to do the job and even my own demeanor (would be quiet on the best of days). The worst part was actually identifying whether I was being bullied or not - it was so subtle that I couldn't decide either way. At least with an out and out pr1ck you know where you stand.

I'd like to think that I can nip things in the bud now if anyone starts acting the maggot with me right off the bat, but as mentioned prior being new to a job can make that extremely difficult!

Elessar

Yes. A few times. Bullying is rife is the Irish workforce in my experience.

Most recently it was my direct manager in a previous role for the same company I'm with now. He would constantly belittle me, patronise me, criticise my work and made my life hell. People told me to report him but I just couldn't. It got to the stage I was miserable in my everyday life and I was snapping at my own mother and being very irritable all the time. It got to the point that I said f*ck it, I am getting out of here and going back to college to study a subject I love. Luckily for me a few months after I made that decision (but before I started college) I got a job in the same department as what I wanted to study. My new team are brilliant and the place is so much more relaxed, I love it now.

Before that I was working in a well known supermarket as a summer job after school and one of the supervisors was an absolute b*tch. Used to pick on me constantly, make jokes at my expense, laugh in my face, the works. I caught myself trying to be super nice to her, thinking if I got to know her and got her approval it would all get better. Little did I know that just makes them bully you more. Anyway again I said nothing and finished up a few months later. Was talking to the staff there recently and heard there were so many complaints about her she was demoted and moved to a different store. Wagon.

gormdubhgorm

I get the impression that a lot of these posts are by women who were bullied?
Is bullying more likely to happen to woman then a man, or is it because women are more sensitive to the issue?

intheclouds

gormdubhgorm wrote: »

I get the impression that a lot of these posts are by women who were bullied?
Is bullying more likely to happen to woman then a man, or is it because women are more sensitive to the issue?

The person who bullied me was male but had bullied both men and women, when I complained it turned out other staff (male) had threatened to leave.

My experience is that simply some people are bullies regardless of gender and those who they bully are anyone they feel like.

I don't really know what you mean by your last sentence.

gormdubhgorm

intheclouds wrote: »

The person who bullied me was male but had bullied both men and women, when I complained it turned out other staff (male) had threatened to leave.

My experience is that simply some people are bullies regardless of gender and those who they bully are anyone they feel like.

I don't really know what you mean by your last sentence.

What I mean was women would be an easier target to bully for men/women.
Subtle bullying such as bitchy remarks etc would have more effect on a woman then it would to a man?

intheclouds

gormdubhgorm wrote: »

What I mean was women would be an easier target to bully for men/women.
Subtle bullying such as bitchy remarks etc would have more effect on a woman then it would to a man?

Why?

osarusan

gormdubhgorm wrote: »

What I mean was women would be an easier target to bully for men/women.
Subtle bullying such as bitchy remarks etc would have more effect on a woman then it would to a man?

I don't know about that.

The feeling of being alone, unsupported, and isolated among a crowd of 'others' would be very unpleasant for anybody, whether the bullying was because of their sex, nationality, etc.