toxic family drama

celligraphy

Hello I just need advice on my situation , my family parent siblings ,aunts etc are all close to each other. Come from bad backgrounds non working areas . Anyways I find that my parent is pure toxic , really physically abused me and my siblings when I was younger up until last being hit at 19 not just slaps but real digs, kicks , punches biting etc...they have 'gone mellow on hitting but still has a vile language , calling the younger siblings names and grandkids ,


Anyways I just don't like being around them anymore and they constantly hate everyone , the parent doesn't go outside the house , hates other people and trys pushing the other siblings to go in disability allowamce instead of working .

I love my parent I even some what forgive them but I don't want my child around them or their drama , I used visit twice a week but don't want to anymore

looksee

You have given half a dozen good reasons not only to not visit, but to move away completely. Your child is now your priority, do what is best for him/her.

ManOfMystery

Being around someone toxic is like allowing poison into your system. They slowly erode away at you, affecting your contentment, happiness and sense of well-being and in extreme cases, you can become a shadow of the person you were. The solution is always the same; remove the toxicity from your life.

You are a victim of abuse from this person, and owe them nothing just because they're a parent. As Looksee said, make your child your priority now and ensure that they don't have to go through the same situations you did.

celligraphy

Thank you for the replies , it's just hard because I love that parent very much but just when I come back from visiting them I can literally feel anger coming off me and bitterness ,even if I had a good time visiting ,a good time would be them not trying fight with me or siblings .

If I had it my way I would move far far away but over my partners parents living in same county we won't ever unless they move

Ryan Mac Sweeney

Hi there
I have read your post. I am sorry to hear that. My mother had a similar situation with her parents.When she was growing up her parents were very strict with her and herself and her siblings always got hit. When she married my father and when I was growing up she was very jealous of me and then my brother and sister came along and when we were small my maternal gramdparents never helped out. Yet they always support my aunt (my mothers sister) Olivia and her family as they practically raised her two daughters and now her granddaughter and my mother now has nothing to do with them or any of her siblings as she doesnt visit them or she doesnt go to any occasions as when we go to family occasions with her side of the family as my parents are separated and my mother doesnt drive ita all taxis to and from the venues as nobody in the family will drive us and they are very greedy when it comes to money so we are then caught to pay. So my advice to you would be to just have nothing to do with them dont visit them and dont go to family occasions and when your parents die dont go to their funerals and with the abuse you should go and report it to the revelant authorities e.g Gardai and bring them to court. Your child is your priortity ao just be all him or her and do you get on well with your partners family? If you do just focus on them and constantly visit them and make sure that your child is spoilt by them.
Sorry about the long post I just needed to get it off my xhet

The Raptor

Life is far too short to be miserable when visiting people, parent or not.

They only dig at your self worth, and drag you down at every opportunity.

They will never change, they will never stop. They don't see anything wrong with their behaviour. So its you that has to put a stop to it and the only way is to really limit your contact or cut them out.

I have a mother that always preferred my brothers growing up. I'd be here all day if I was to explain. But I always felt that I was never wanted. There was always disgust, hatred and plenty of threats. You didn't know when they would snap. I always thought she had a problem with women, even still that wasn't an excuse to keep going back. It was how she grew up, etc, etc. Until last year, I went home to find a picture of my brother's partner. She wouldn't display mine even though I asked her to. She would rather display a picture of my brother's partner. I turned my back and never spoke to her again. There was alot more abuse but I couldn't take it anymore.

She hasn't apologized, made no effort to. She probably thinks the issue lies with me. But if she can't see it, there's nothing I can do.

If it doesn't happen now, it will happen some day where you just can't take any more. Do it now instead of holding onto a lost cause.